The Emptiness of a Lover
by Onya

I had forgotten the waiting.
About the loneliness
the desperate desire.
A cold which can not be warmed
by any fire.

Forgotten the pull in the heart
while I stare through prisons
of steel and glass.
The aching hollow thud with which it beats
needing to hold you against me at last.

Forgotten the rush and despair
of pacing back and forth
looking for some trace,
listening for the slightest sign
soon I will be in your embrace.

Forgotten the emptiness when my mind realizes
My lover is not coming.
The hopeless hope my heart clings to
for hours after.

What sweet torture is this?
Fate laid you in my hands
And closed your heart to me.

I had forgotten the cold,
the icy chill that seeps through
to my bones
hanging on with fangs of
clear ice.
Tears off a piece from the remains
of my heart
devours it whole.

Forgotten the need
not to feel.
The driving desire to stay
completely numb.

Cannot feel

Will not let it in.

It means nothing.

It cannot effect me...

...if I don't let it.

I sit and bide the time with
meanderings, musings, music
try to fill the empty space
where my heart wants you to be.

Kissing your lips, gazing upon your face.

Tell myself it's just another
turn of the cards.

A roll of the dice.

Spin of the wheel.

One pill after another.
A swig from this bottle
a pull from that.
A hit off the joint.
More coffee please.
Another cigarette?

Thank you, I believe I will.

It means nothing
wether you are here or not.

I don't have the slightest chance
of touching your heart.

All it will be

is two bodies

intertwined.

It means nothing.

Why should I risk what I have
on another man such as you?

Lover.
Charmer.
Pretty Word Speaker.

Back and forth
looking out through the glass.

No sign of you comes to pass.
No knock at the door.
Nor ring of the phone.

I sit in the silence
trapped
alone.

Holder of my heart
keeper of my soul;
Have at me or leave me alone.
Stop this waiting.
End this foolish game.
Take me on
take what you want.

I would beg for your
mercy
but know you have
none.

Still I will beg...
Beseech and implore...

End this chase,
keeper of my soul,
reveal your true face
run me through and be
done.

I had forgotten
but now I remember,
I can't stand the emptiness
of a Lover anymore.

Yesterday
by Onya

Yesterday I let you go
the insanity became to much
I broke
I caved

Today I sit silent and empty
but is that really unlike
any other day?

Here and there
a smile, a wink
the touch of your hand

Two nights
Pretty words whispered
hot breath on an aching throat.

Charmer's eyes twinkle
his voice soft and gentle
his touch warm and tender.

Two nights
you didn't even say 'good-bye'
you did not stay with me

Two nights I watched
as you turned you back
and took your leave.

Long lonely days I waited for
the ring of the phone
knock on the door

None came

Cold and empty day after day
silently muttering, puttering away
at the keyboard.

Pulsating jerk in my chest
helium racing through my mind
alive with anticipation of you.

Messages left
letters lovingly crafted
wether sent or burned.

Endless nights
Endless days
running together in a single stream

Waiting
Watching
Hoping

Endless nights
Endless days
filled with the emptiness of my dream

Traded in for
harsh reality
the cold light of day

It's better to sleep
It's better to dream
To want and not to have

I sleep no longer
dream no more
treasures lost washing up on
some distant shore

Tossed and broken
shattered upon jagged rocks
pounded against the tide.

What was once
shinning and brilliant
is treasured no more.

I wonder what
it will be like
to miss you.

Then I realize
I never had even the slightest chance
of having you.

What I will most is the dream.
That soft, wonderful, safe place
where only I could go.

It's closed to me now.
Offers no comfort
No haven or asylum.

What becomes of me now?
Where do I go for safety?
Where do I go for warmth?

Elsewhere....I suppose.

Because yesterday

I let you go.