Here are some random songs, poems, etc,..
Untitled June 1999
A fly landed on my arm as I stood tried to take in the light tried to focus on what he was saying hoped it would drown but it didn't as I was plunged into the Taquemenon "remember how cold" he whispered before,
well I remember.
Wait July 13 1999
Missing out on this underground of truth and life
letting it (smooth as the sand of the hourglass of youth
slips
by
leaving only ugly skeletons which
shall surely burn tugs the other side
which tears the soul of a fate worse than Judas
Aopes desol July 12 1999
Desolate Hope
Peqen o lumn
ahum nors et deicht
wvest rejuinivn
detueren deicht homfuoarav nglaziemnel
vec deicht connaisca'hmemt dr'derelscht hiesn' s'pon
et deig dhlaovfaemnel vleadn
surdaopnele prau ahumtangen gvin
aomsted fakadein et cont pertendein prau deldu
parq yenk
m oueheulnt cvint deircht niver tarh
o vfalhenoer
cont dug hrod ahum
depicnele vec
o dost et dthame et deicht
vlaem as soe nvarn mrennen entorh
Glimmer of light
from the north and the
west revived
disturbing the icy comfort
with the realization of the immensity which lacks
and the hunger blades
awake for something real
amidst the facade and keep pretendind
because we are
but only in this other universe
of a lie
sent down from god with
spite
of dust and time and the
fire has never burned stronger
Normal English/AP European Hist. April 1999
Its a long way down
To where this began
From the first years of seventh grade
to the first days of gray
And they're laughing again
For the light is so revealing
She's crying again
And as usual I'm writing
Hope shot the arrow which pierced
Only the rain
The fates are asassins which fear
nothing today
And boys are being boys
Wtih their girls and helicopters
And /// is lost consumed
with his erudite passion
The battle is postponed
And the vagabonds are waiting
And the Sirens serenade
"when will you see clearly"
Fighting this town
and fading quick as the snow
Mongolian ideals but a body
which won't let go
Hours are passing
Indemnity awaits
Hiding the blindness
Denying the hate
suicide killing time
cgg is looking fine
everything's fine
We are fending off the dark
With the embers of the union
And the hunters fuck the whores
Maybe someday they'll awaken
Carving out our place
try to reconcile our glory
We are desperate and starved
Of truth and of conviction
but were getting better soon
and the sadness fills like coffee
Tuesday June 3 1999
Claw my heart out
With a ballpoint pen
So many damned chances
here again
Said things would change
But they never change
There is no soul who could with me now
empathize
Failing destiny
try to
compensate
with a
vibrant shell
for the
empty core
Cutting deep
and the
tears don't help
God it's
never fair
Yet it's all my fault
that I am damned
I should have tried
harder
I could have worked
harder
I could have gone
farther
I could have accomplished
I should have seen farther
getting cold
The doors start to close
What was this SACRIFICE for
Sometimes I see a distant light
Guess I'll just rot on the shifting sands
The Sun French Class March 1999
(later performed for Station Middle School , illustrated through motion by Emily Katzenbach)
Did you ever see the sun
Did you ever watch the rays try to penetrate
Did you ask how long shall this last
And did you change your name
And did you change your ways
And have you cried to no avail
And did you ever hate the sun
For killing the dawn
And did you search the fields of empathy
For a sign (its coming soon)
Why dont you stand up straight
Why dont you change your mind
And settle down
Mature
Lead an American life
Grasping for wind
Get away from here
The world won't stop for a tear
You wash the past
You stay up late
Wonder how to survive another day
And did you ever fight the sun
Cast off the chains
And did you fail did you fall to the ground
Do you trust your soul
And speak your mind
Do you stand firm
Despite the crumbling foundation
Things change so fast
And theres never time
All the roads end here
She wakes up Fresh/Soph year 98-99
She lived in a house on the ice. All of nature was frozen yet the air was mild. It was a very finite world- a mountain surrounded by eternal darkness on all sides, lit only by the clean luminescensce of the ice- a lone island amidst the void. She lived in a humble yet warm dwelling where she would care for her ailing hardworking father. Yet she wondered if there was more. Sometimes she would climb to the summit and gaze at the sky which had a moon but no stars and she would wonder what was beyond. Sometimes she would ask the fellow villagers things like if anyone had ever left the mountain or if anyone knew of the past or why there were no stars. They shunned these thoughts and would say "what more can we give you" or "why arent you happy on the ice." And they would worry that she was to old to engage in these childish pursuits as they searched for someone to blame. And she would sigh. And one day she discovered that the snow was not genuine so she walked thorugh the frozen forest which was slowly starting to thaw to the houses with smoke rising from the chimney past the empty church to the edge of the land where she quite simply walked into the blackness.
And then she was of the darkness and then she was of the water and then she felt the earth beneath her feet. Here there was grass and sun and blue sky and warm air, all of which she had never experienced before. She felt curiously uneasy, because she was in the precise center of a meadow. She walked to the forest and through the forest she saw people. They gave her an uneasy welcome and congregated around her. They talked with them for a bit until one who was not concerned with politeness asked her if she was from the other side of the wall. She didn't understand. They took her back to the meadow and seemed to point to the other sider where the trees were red. When she did not say anything, a cold chill spread throughout the crowd. They muttered amongst themselves that it had been years since one did not see the wall. Pandemonium then seemed to break out, as everyone seemed obsessively preoccupied with their task. They melted down statues from the shrines order to paint the "wall." It was not apparent to her, however, until a drop of her blood was added to the mixture. And then she saw it- it was a quite plain brick wall, yet they seemed to revere it as a god. Upon further examination, she saw a door. They shouted at her not to enter and wondered if the paint did not contain enough blood. But she had no desire to stay so she went through the door. On the oher side was the same meadow, its peace once again restored. She walked to the other side of the meadow and continued through the red forest until she came to a lake. She saw a settlement on the other side. It seemed to be a fishing village, yet there were no boats in sight. She felt dissapointed, for here the men were hunters and the women were whores. She spoke: "why." And she heard the relieved roar of the wall falling down in the distance. And then she realized that this world was two-dimensional so she quite simply tore her surroundings into two.
And then she was of the water and then she was of the darkness and then she felt the ice of home beneath her feet. She lived in a house on the ice. All of nature was frozen yet the air was mild. It was a very finite world- a mountain of ice surrounded by the void on all sides, lit by the clean luminescence of the ice. And she wondered if there was more. And sometimes she would climb. Past the degraded yet homely dwellings to the frozen forest which was starting to bloom past the forgotten church to the summit -where she would gaze at the eternal blackness. But now she could see the stars
The Window Sixth grade journal entry November 11 1994
Performed in May 1999 by the Sounds True Performance Troupe
Don't think
Don't breathe
Don't write
Don't cry
Don't move your lips
Don't close your eyes
Don't rest
Don't stare
"Try to survive
Just numb your pain and gaze out the window"
See, we all have important lives
Fag
Accept your caste and look
Out the window
The stars are dying French/Debate/ApEuro April 99
All the hate has left now
And I am obscure
The self righteous flame is gone
but the embers remember when
The stars were shining
The stars were thriving
The stars come out
And days are centuries
While the years flash by
And I wonder what it is we are searching for
And how many circles shall pass before we realize
Masochism
Is so fucking empty
The stars are failing
The stars are fighting
The stars are falling
Is it easy for you to smile
Or is it just a distraction from true questions
God, what have we done to ourselves
What do we do to ourselves
Can nothing be held sacred?
At least night shall offer comfort
The stars are sinking
The stars are burning
The stars go down
The stars burn out
The stars are now
The stars have drowned
Birthday Song August 25 1999
Sometimes nothing seems real
You've go no place to run to
and nowhere to hide
Noone can hear and no wounds heal,
made emptier by time.
and purity is not pride
virgin in every way
Never awake and nothing to say
There's something that's still missing
There's something that is gone
Did you know that I'm not scared
Did you know that I'm still waiting
So dream, dream
Its all that you can do
You're nobody's dream
Life is never more than dreaming to you
There's so much you've been missing
Now I'm going to go away
I still don't know quite how
I wish I had no vision
Sometimes you hate the mirror
Why
Can't you ask why
Or is it all just a lie
O to believe the lie
O to lay down and die