Untitled Summer 2000

New Years comes but once a day to those who don't stop waiting like the blood spilled by the martyrs of this country's fine young citizens who speak a tongue that is not their own with a voice that has been stolen from the deepest truth which still persists like the end of this infinity but there are the souls which have yet to be heard since the dawn of this great undoing who creep towards winter's heart who fear not suicidal slaughter waiting for a vengeance which has not been seen to this sacrifical healing

Penanhje dekembrynilavnele 2000 Shtelo! Deich takch hiesn' s'chu cont surdaopnele Mtaist corpen si del batvai aomsted mtaist szol Eutvarinjele s'cont chu faulmrescht q chunst mensten mtaist nekesn hvien ironikav helh aertvaken del Kalenunt hiesn si tor ehort q Java'i hel nekes mta vien hel Void et entorh deig mlaeparben (apern viengen toilen) et torhen seravet (apern tougen Italianefshkoer) chu pent chu batvai deicht suret deicht mrennen fekult del honet deicht mrennen mt'lt empoer mtaist nsang s'asyd aerossen mtaist coern mekaniqav deicht honet si verescht mt'lt gart del lwaissen

Never Unearthed January 2001 Once the Druids and the Celts and Babylonians and Egyptians and Incans and Sumerians and Angels and Martians went to Atlantis and held a convention to make a time capsule to save future generations they wrote volumes about the truth on death and God and peace and the perfect democracy and atomic fusion and they charted the plants to cure the bubonic plague and the common cold and cancer and aids and in case all else failed they enclosed a seed from the fruit from the tree in the garden of Eden Then everything sunk and then it was found (of course by Americans) in the sahara desert or the Bermuda triangle in the time of the world's greatest need. The language was impossible such that no linguist could desipher. The plants had long been lost to industry and McDonalds The seed was intact but it was jsut a bit deeper it was never unearthed There once was a hermit who lived on a mountain burning his photographs and drowning his memories with focus on the hunt and locusts and honey wise and falling rain and pure as slick ice Then he died A few deer survived longer and ate and mated Some trees were left standing for years to come the flies finishing their feast may have buzzed a bit differently but no one could hear and then the house collapsed and was soon erased his bones were never unearthed How many stars will never be discovered How many sparks shall never ignite How many answers and dreams lay rotting in land How do we know what lies beyond our senses really exists or ever was at all The misplaced and mistook in this sickening purgatory of earth and hole and truth and silence Is it more than just a web of synapse and consequence they answer- you still could have They say you have potential its just never unearthed Somewhere through the mist of the sea where we escaped by the felled trees and worn locks of ashen demise Under the screaming chaos of strange joy and agony past the weight of time and energy beneath the lying and subtle betrayal after the reign of the Beautiful and the stillness of the ugly a simple seen begins to take root in stone and ice until it breaks free at last emerging to find a cold silent landscape of the dead and dying

Lie  September 2000 I can breathe fire when I want to I can seem brave, wise, and strong I am wordly when I want to impress Pure when I want to be in love I can say to hell with social rules I can say that I just don't care Like the makeup on my face And the highlights in my hair But if you're loving me Then you are loving a lie The darkness is to deep And I know that I cannot try tonight I have let the years go by Standing waiting all this time And every day I grow closer to being Everything that I despise I have never met anyone Who wasnt better than me in some way And I don't know where to go So I guess that i will jsut stay And if you're loving me Then you are loving a lie The way out is to steep And I am to weary to cry tonight Maybe someday I'll come clean Someday I will confess But I think that when all the guilt is gone There won't be too mych left If you're loving me Then you are loving a lie I know that I won't sleep You know, I just want to die tonight

Untitled  August 1999

goodbye is all i said now i walk sometimes i stop without realizing.  i think i tried the best i could to relax to relate to look ok so i walk but i have stopped i have tried anger but it was spent to no avail now i dont know if i am standing or falling i long to flood into the earth into the ground where it is less cold as the sun  is parching so i get a cup of fresh fruit which tasted like white grape juice concentrate and high fructose corn syrup bacause nothing pure can be true so i open a book but cant stop reading your last words and someday is a knife because i cant stop dreaming wake up boy youve got to stop dreaming get a shot of adrenaline from a magazine but it is short lived reminds me of what i am missing.  never has the asphalt been so unkind what i wouldnt give to look into your eyes never has a smile made you want to die.

Szaek (sand) december 2000 What I wouldn't give for justice Well I never had any sweet nostalgia Of summer and pot and beautiful boys I never had any wild nights or days of sowing oats already forgiven I've never really danced or drank Or broken any rule But its not like I get any credit for it all My life is shrinking faster than them all When I was a child, I was gifted They said he is really going somewhere Then I was 13 I was an outcast Spent every day scared and silent When I was 15 I was queer Though I had never really gotten any chance I never knew what i was missing What I wouldn't give for a companion Cause I don't really want to lead a designer tee-shirt lifestyle And I don't want to conform to the rubric of anarchy And I've searched far and wide But all I seem to find is whores and valedictorians Or worse some kind of cross-breed in between And I don't really like to feel so cynical inside But when I was a child I was special It was all going my way I was perfectly on my island Everything would jsut come to me And when I was 16 I was in love And I've never quite recovered Though it turned out to be an illusion, eventually Yeah and somewhere still There's gotta be a way out This rage is rotten and growing If there is any justice There's a new beginning A fortress apart from the crystal mirages Solid and real despite the hot desrt sand