Shoeism Forever

A basic summary of the doctrine taking the world by storm

Random Shoeist fundamentals Shoeism has very simple answers to many unanswerable questions of the other major world faiths - Our universe is actually very finite indeed, as the earth is merely contained within the boundaries of a shoe -Shoeists do not need to worry about what lies beyond the grave as death simply does not exist- it is merely perpetrated by an anti-shoeist conspiracy. Shoeists instead contemplate what lies beyond the shoe. Many conservative schools of thought maintain that there is yet another shoe, but I maintain that there is perpetual mineral water - Seals are held sacred- especially their legs wherein many followers reside. Animal crackers are sanctified as well- shoeist mystics can use them to reflect the astral plane and the randomosity scale. Turtles and owls are generally considered to be positive omens, whilke an overabundance of australopitheci are considered to be a harbinger of doom. The sudden appearance of pelicans has added a great deal of anxiety among the shoeist metaphysical community -Many ideas condemned by the other major religions are encouraged through shoeism. Prostitution is actually encouraged as one who is truly enlightened earns the title of "skanky whore." Homosexualtiy is accepted as the founder was a lesbian who dated gay men. Materialism is also affirmed- an echo of the town of its origin, Barrington (although many sources trace it back to ancients Mesopotamian horse worship) -French is the sacred tongue of shoeism, as well as some Vlevzhte and Novaizhe texts of which only I have mastered. The greatest Shoeist work written by the founder herself is in French- Click here for the entire text - Shoeism has very clear concepts of heaven, hell, God, Satan, the Messiah, and the antichrist: God- Jenny Rowland (known to the reverent as "Doe") The Messiah- Elizabeth Nelson Satan- Gillian Sowray The Anitchrist- Jim Prescott Heaven- Locker #632 Hell- The Hotel Ambassador, Nice, France - A recent theatrical production about the Shoeist faith has been compiled- a sequel to 6B*: Thebans! On Crack! On Broadway! feauturing such classical works such as Yea Thebes, They say that Crackers treat you right on broadway, Leather is Our Specialty, Watch out you're on crack, and the timeless melody L'imparfait (Quest-ce que c'est!). - Fundamental Shoeist figures include Amy Dering (founder), Myself(transcriber of the shoeist bible), Jeff Garrette (leader of the Shoeist church), and Alexis Hunter( a mystery) LINKS Shoeism is the answer*- The official Shoeist site, which I actually co-authored. Generated by the unique on crack boredom only Prescott can perpetrate- of Global Studies which I am still subject to in AP Euro. *from Amy's page

Shoeism has been linked to Bagist roots, however it is unrelated to John Lennon

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"I can't explain why I don't belong to the same world I don't fit in and I will not stay I want to fly I long for my violet skies, my astral nights My peace of mind" Paula Cole Saturn Girl