JOKES
Once, in Delhi, a lady and few of her friends were travelling on DTC (Delhi Transport Corporation). As usual, the bus was packed. And these guys were occupying the ladies seats. Well, my wife, being a woman of a strong will, asked one of the guys sitting in a ladies seat, Bhai, yeh ladies seat hai. Ooper likha hai, dikhai nahi deta? To which he replied, To jahaan likha hai, wahin baith jao !

Before it was called DTC, the Delhi Transport Corporation was called DTU (Delhi Traffic Union) but was popularly known as DTU (Don't Trust Us).

A chap having seen blisters in both of his Sikh friends's ears asked him what happened to his ears. He said that while he was busy ironing his clothes, the telephone rang, and he mistakenly put the iron to his ear instead of the receiver. So the first fellow asked him what happened to his other ear, and the reply was - ‘That fool called me again’ !

MADE FOR EACH OTHER

The best combination for a man : An Indian wife, American salary, British home and Chinese food.

And the worst combination: An American wife, Indian salary, Chinese home and British food !!!

A sardar is traveling by train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, who also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out. Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member"

WHAT IS HE CALLED?
A Sindhi lawyer?: Case-wani
A Sindhi lawyer after a case?: Purse-wani
A blue-skier Sindhi?: Akash-wani
A Sardar who falls at people's feet?: Charan Singh
A Sardar who falls at people’s' feet and stays there?: Gir charan Singh
A smart Malayalee?: Debo-nair.
A dynamic Malayalee?: Pheno-Menon.
A jiving Sardar called?: Breakdan Singh.
A Sardar who drinks only beer ?: Just-beer Singh.
A Sardar who has only one drink ?: Just-one Singh.

SIKH SPEAK
International Airline: Kitthe Pacific
National Airline: Itthe Pacific
National Taxi Service: Kar Seva
A female Khalistan terrorist: Hard Kaur.
A famous Khalistani profession: Jarnailism.
The Khalistani history: Sarson-Da-Saga
The dirty drain of Khalistan: Bar-Nala
A Sikh scuba diver: Jull-under Singh
A better adapted Sikh diver : Jull-under Singh Gill

DECCANI JOKES(basically a mix of hindi, urdu and the local dialect; majorly spoken in Bangalore)

Two friends go to a theatre, buy tickets and are about to enter the hall. One of them remembers they forgot something, and says:
"Arey, thu jaakar seetaan pakad, mein jaakar beedi lekaathun"
(You go inside and reserve the seats while I go out and get a beedi!)
A father and a son go to a movie theatre. Just before the movie starts the lights go dim to which : Son: Baba, Baba ! Yeh lightsan aise kyo hallon se dimmu hotha hai ? Dad: Yeh kya hain ki beta ! Woh plugsan haina plugsan usko halloo se nikalthee so !
(Son: Dad ! Why do these lights slowly go dim like this ? Dad: Son ! They remove the plugs slowly)

RIDDLES

Q :- Why did the Malayalee cross the road ?
A :- Simbly.

Q :- How was wire invented?
A :- Two Marwaris spotted the same coin.

Q :- Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
A :- Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.

Q :- What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
A :- I, Iyer, Iyengar.

Q :- What is the most famous jingle in A.P. ?
A :- A.P. days are here again ...

Q :- What do you call a very rich Malayalee?
A :- MillionIyer.

Q :- What do you call a Sikh female's boyfriend?
A :- Her Pal Singh.

Q :- What do you call a Sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a white flag in his hand?
A :- Surrender Singh.

Q :- Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A :- The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for ‘Kesh’.

Q :- What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon" ?
A :- Ramesh's son failed in statistics...

GOOD PJ's
Q. Are you Hindi?
A :- Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A :- Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
A :- It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.

LIMERICKS
'Twas on the bus from Tirunelvail,
I met a lass, petite and frail,
She flashed me a smile,
And with very smooth guile,
Took the last seat, left me holding the rail.

When it rains in Calcutta,
People just become wetter,
But if it snows,
Everyone knows,
They'd pack up and move to Quetta.

SHAYARIS (URDU COUPLETS)
Aur bhi cheezain bahaot see lut chu-ki hain dil kay saath
Yae bataya doston nae ishq furma-ney kay baad
Is leay kamray ki eak eak cheez "ckeck" karta hoon main
"Eak teray aa-ney say phah-ley, eak teray jaa-ney kae baad"

Khuda kare hasino ke bap mar jayen
Bahana ho maut ka aur ham unke ghar jayen.
Aisa mat kah jalim - yeh mahapap hoga
Kabhi too bhee kisi hasina ka bap hoga

Jaam toothne ka bahaana na kar
Ham to teri aankhon se pee leynge
Tu mat aa, lekin aane ka vaada to kar
Ham tere intezaar mein hi jee leynge

Khuda jab husn deyta hai
To nazaaqat aa hi jaati hai
Kitna bhi sambhalke paiyr rakho
Kamar barkha hi jaati hai !

Doosron ki amaanat dekhke haiyraan na hona
Khuda tujhe bhi deyga, pareshaan na hona

Aaye hain gam-e-mehfil mein
Na karo yun tauheen hamaari
Fursat se milna kisi din
Auqaat dikha denge tumhaari