My Brother, My God Cedric Marc Klein (c)1997  I always did love you, Brother.  And resented you.  Some people think they are perfect.  You were worse.  You were perfect.  My brother- and my Lord.  Yes, I resented you because you were so good, so caring, so strong, and so blasted humble about it all.  I struggled to keep up- obey the Law, love God and my neighbor, follow the rituals.  Yet for you, it seemed so easy.  Now you're gone, and I've been put in charge.  I'm only Jacob bar-Joseph, James the son of Joseph the carpenter.  I only want to be good, not great.  Pious, not powerful- but I'm put into power by your people, your synagogue.  The Synagogue of Rabbi Joshua the Nazarene.  You, Brother, condemned by the priests as a heretic, crucified by the Romans as a rebel, confirmed by God as His Anointed Son.  Father had passed away long before your mission began.  We all thought you were getting obsessed.  Only Mother kept calm as your claims became wilder, more dangerous.  We wept as you died on the tree- wept that our brother perished as an idealistic, suicidal fanatic.  Until you visited us.  After three days in the tomb.  You came back throughout forty days- teaching us more than even Mother dared to dream about you.  You left, only to send One just like you- the FireWindDove, the Holy Spirit come to live, not as one person, but in us all.  So much we had thought simple, you proved to be deeper, richer, more confusing.  God is One- and Three.  You are Man- and God.  Your people are Jews- and Goyim.  Salvation is by Covenant- of Faith, not Law, shown by Mikvah/baptism, not the Cutting.  Your Kingdom shall come- and is now.  You promised persecution, and it came.  Many fled the City.  Some forsook you.  Our worst enemy then came to us, repenting, proclaiming your praises.  We hated to believe Saul, but he gave us no choice.  You gave us no choice.  We had to forgive and accept him, and then watch as Saul, now Paul, opened the Synagogue doors to them.  The Goyim- Gentiles.  Yes, Brother, you helped and taught a few of them.  Yes, you showed Simon the Rock that you made all foods, all peoples to be clean.  But that they could join us with nothing but faith, washing only once, cutting only their fallen natures, eating- not kosher- not Passover- but the Holy Feast of bread and wine- You did not prepare us for that.  Yet you revealed to me the Solution- and set me in conflict with those wanting our faith purely Jewish.  Trouble was, I agreed with them.  But what I felt didn't matter- only what you said through Amos- the Gentiles called by your name would rally to you as David's royal tent.  And the only Law they needed was the Law of Noah- against idolatry, fornication and violence.  Even with Simon on our side, the radical Judeans split, fighting us and trying to divide us from Paul and his teaching of Grace over works.  They almost succeeded.  Paul and I agree- Your saving grace comes, we respond in faith, and you work through us.  But some of his people crow, "Grace, not Law!  Faith, not works!", and they defile your name by their deeds.  And some of my folk work, struggle, and obey- and hate and oppress, like the tyrant they think you are.  So I must hold the line between the two.  I open the doors to the Gentiles while I strive to be as Jewish as I can.  Daily prayer in the Temple.  Nazarite vows.  No alcohol or meat. Remaining single since my wife passed away.  The radicals and the priests may hate my faith, but they cannot attack the way I live.  But it is soon to close, thirty years since you left us.  Saul-Paul stands in Rome to face Caesar, as the Rock goes to join him.  John is staying in Epheseus, where he's been since you took Mother.  The rest are either afar off or dead.  You won't let me run things from the background anymore.  I am the last Apostle in Jerusalem- the only one left to proclaim Your Word.  To my wonder, the people listen.  Many trust you, joining out company.  The High Priest lashes out.  Governor Felix has died, so until Rome sends another, the priest Ananus runs the City, and he's hated us for years.  As we approach another Passover, the priesthood strikes at another son of David.  "Good and righteous man, trusted of all, please tell us.  As the people debate over the late crucified Joshua, tell us of his way."  Clever vipers.  They place me to the Temple pinnacle, where you were tempted.  They flatter me, admitting the popular favor of me (tho I place no trust in that), then ask me a simple, subtle, loaded question- what is your way, the Path of you and to you?  Do I hedge?  Say that you are a way to God, but not the Way?  But you are the only way. What does that make of their religion, which had also once been ours?  No, it's not the same religion we knew.  Your teaching never denied our Jewishness, only deepened it.  But they demand we stay in the Shadows, not move on to the Substance, which is you.  I look up, and see the Answer.  I respond, "Why ask me of Joshua, the Son of Man?  He now sits in Heaven- at the right of God's Glory- and arrives on Heaven's clouds!"  For any who have been wavering, this decides it.  Many shout, "Hosanna to the Son of David!"  The priests panic, not expecting this.  Ananus tears his cloak, screaming, "Even this ‘righteous' man is tricked and spreads his deception to the people!"  Hands hit my back, forcing me over the brink as a mob cries, "He is not fit to live!"  I survive the fall, broken, bleeding, looking up to see stones raining upon me.  "Please, Lord God, Father, forgive them!  They don't know what they are doing!"  One priest can't bear any more.  He tries to help me but he and my other supporters are beaten back by the mob as a club crashes into my head.  I see my people, my City- Jerusalem, my Temple- all through a veil of my blood.  And I know what is coming upon them.  Even as you spoke it thirty years ago.  Flee, my people, who trust my Brother, for they have struck your shepherd.  Another son of David is slain- an abominable sacrifice- while Roman eagles circle, ready to make the Holy Place desolate.  Lord, have mercy.  Messiah, have mercy.  Brother, have mercy.  For You open the Age of Grace and bring the Days of Vengeance.  As Joel saw, Your Spirit is poured out on all peoples.  Wonders appear in Heaven and on Earth- Your redeeming blood, Your Spirit's fire, and Your smoke soon billowing from the burning Temple.  And all who call upon Your name shall be saved.  Joshua.  Messiah.  Joshua- my Brother.  Joshua- my God. *****