Middle-Wing Conspiracy (MWC) is a fact-based essay on current events. The post-election issue recounts my trip to Mass on the first Sunday of Limbo Time. It seems odd that I would have gone to Mass, but the memory is so vivid that it must have happened. Many of the parts are missing or out of order, so I guess it might have just been a dream....

Volume 3, Issue 3
November 13, 2000

Eucharistic Acclamation (unison)

[Left Side of Congregation]:
Through Him, with Him, in Him. In the unity of the holy spirit, all glory and honor is yours, almighty Al W. Gore, forever and ever.
Amen. [Right Side of Congregation]:
Through Him, with Him, in Him. In the unity of the holy spirit, all glory and honor is yours, almighty George W. Bush, forever and ever.
Amen.

New Testament Lesson (Matthew 21)

And they said unto Peter Jennings, Do you know the winner of Florida, and Peter said, No, for 75% of the polls are not closed, I know him not. And later that night, they said unto Peter, Do you know the winner of Florida, and he said, No, for Cokie gave me bad data, I know him not. And even later, they said to Peter, Do you know the winner of Florida, and Peter said, No, for the gap, which once was wide, has narrowed, so I know him not. And then the cock crowed, and Peter remembered Florida's words to him: "Before the cock crows, you shall deny me three times."

Old Testament Lesson (Exodus 9:8-9)

And Bill Daley said unto George Bush, if you do not count my people's vote, you shall be infected by a festering boil. And George Bush hardened his heart, and he refused. And there appeared upon George Bush's face a large bandage.

Hymn:

Click here for melody

Bill Daley was in Florida-land,
Count my people's vote
Toss the machines and count by hand,
Count my people's vote.

(Refrain) Go down, Bill Daley,
Way down in Florida,
Tell ol' George Bush,
Count my people's vote.

Illegal ballot in Palm Beach
Count my people's vote.
Buchanan's total was quite a reach,
Count my people's vote.

(Refrain)

The stylus punctured not the chad,
Count my people's vote.
Intent to vote for Gore they had
Count my people's vote.

(Refrain)

Time with the Children (with Jesse Jackson)

Hello, children. Recently, ABC's Sam Donaldson asked Jeb Bush, Governor of Florida, what he would do about the recount in his state. I'm here today to share with you the response from Governor Bush.

I will not count the people's vote
Not if delivered by a goat.
Not if sent in via boat
That idea just won't float.

I will not count them, Sam-I-am,
Even though our win's a sham.

Not in Palm Beach, not in Dade,
Not if the results are delayed,
Not if President Gore they made,
Not 4 more years of Roe v. Wade.

I will not count them, Sam-I-am,
Down their throats my will I'll ram.

We will not lose to that Al Gore,
I can't believe he's such a bore,
He even wants to help the poor,
When it's the rich who need much more.

I will not count them, Sam-I-am,
The rich get richer; let the poor eat Spam (or maybe just green eggs and ham).

We can't lose to that Gore nut,
The case on this is open-and-shut,
We promised Dad his tax we'd cut,
If I lose this state Dubya'll kick my butt.

I will not count them, Sam-I-am,
For them I do not give a damn.

Communion

The people of Palm Beach County came forward, and Al Gore said unto them, "Take, sign, in remembrance of your vote, for these are affidavits, and they shall give your lawsuit life. Go, file, and all the days of your life you shall do this in remembrance of me. Go forth and vote for Republicans no more."