I've noted of late that various pseudo-satanic types online (where else?) have been misrepresenting the position of the Church of Satan on many issues. Apparently, this is in hopes of misdirecting the gullible. Well, they are welcome to the gullible, but for those of you who are intelligent, yet new to this rodeo, and have questions - here's the real deal.

The Church of Satan is not "homophobic." That would be news to the many hundreds of our members who define their sexual orientation as "homosexual." In fact, we are the first organized Western religion to accept gay and lesbian members. From the very start these members have been an influential part of our Priesthood and continue today; they are people of superior wit, accomplishment and indulgence - unlike those who would wish you to believe otherwise. Oh, and don't believe the "tales from the bewildered" asserting that the Church of Satan has abandoned Indulgence. Quite the contrary. Anton LaVey's watchword has been realized fully in our End-of-the-Millennium culture. We Satanists drain the cup of life, and, through informed choice and full personal responsibility, handle the results of our decisions with skill and grace. We ain't prudes. Neither are we out of control. The nature of a Satanist is Dionysian, and never forget that one of our root philosophies is Epicurianism.

The Church of Satan is not a NAZI organization. As has been said many times before, one's politics are up to each individual member, and most of our members are political pragmatists. They support political candidates and movements whose goals reflect their own practical needs and desires. Our members span an amazing political spectrum, which includes but is not limited to: Libertarians, Liberals, Conservatives, Republicans, Democrats, Reform Party members, Independents, Capitalists, Socialists, Communists, Stalinists, Leninists, Trotskyites, Maoists, Zionists, monarchists, fascists, anarchists, and just about anything else you could possibly imagine. It is up to each member to apply Satanism and determine what political means will reach his/her ends, and they are each solely responsible for this decision. Freedom and responsibility - must be a novel concept for those who aren't Satanists. We take it in stride. Members who demand conformity from other members to their particular political fetish are welcomed to depart.

The Church of Satan is neither racist nor sexist. We are equal opportunity haters of most human animals - recall the "Seventh Satanic Statement." Misanthropy is our general point of view, and we don't exclude any race or either sex from this attitude. We seek to associate with the few at the top of the stratification pyramid, and that doesn't necessarily mean those with the most intelligence or talent. Many of them may be "damaged goods," Thanatos-centered creatures who are incapable of enjoying life and obsessed with quenching the lust for life that enflames we who are carnal. We don't care from whence a person comes or what genitals adorn their bodies. We judge people for what they are individually and how they behave, ascribing nothing to them based on their lineage. They can either succeed or fail in impressing us as humans who are worth our precious time. And we will also not fail to recognize those who fall into herd-behavior patterns, people who are by nature incapable of personal self-realization. They are to be avoided whenever possible.

The Church of Satan continues to grow at a pace that increases every month. That does not mean that we have lowered our standards and take on the religious refuse that wants to get revenge on the world and use Satanism as a label and excuse. In fact, with the increasing numbers of people contacting us, we now turn away a greater number of applicants who are clearly unsuitable for membership. We are in a position to be picky (we always were) and quite happy to "pass" on those who would waste our time. It takes plenty of effort just to keep up with those who do deserve our attention. We are also delighted to clean house and eject members who have mislead us, who prove to be puffed-up wannabes and contentious cretins, who simply are looking for an excuse to claim God-hood when they haven't the talents or abilities to make it in any field of endeavor. Dr. LaVey would observe how all of these folk immediately ask about how to be a part of our Priesthood, but that they couldn't even be trusted to take out the trash on garbage pickup day. Good riddance!

The Church of Satan has not in any way strayed from the philosophy created by Anton LaVey, and espoused in his various writings and interviews. We are as we were in the beginning, and we've increased in scope and sophistication. Some misguided individuals (who want to call themselves Satanists and clearly don't understand the definition of this term which, let us not forget, was pioneered by the Church of Satan) currently advocate some sort of New-Age (rhymes with "sewage"), touchy-feely, "spiritual," "let's-all-hug-in-a-big-community," mish-mash of ideas masquerading as philosophy. And they want to convince you that this is what Anton LaVey was REALLY saying until it was recently perverted. Nonsense. Read his works and you'll see it just ain't so. He personally picked the folks who now represent his philosophy and worked with them for many years - and he was of very sound mind until his death. You may comfort yourselves with myths to the contrary, but he'd have nothing but scorn for such delusions.

In "The Satanic Bible" Anton LaVey says of the seeker, who still wants a "spiritual" path after encountering real Satanism, that: "He no longer can view himself in two parts, the carnal and the spiritual, but sees them merge as one, and then to his abysmal horror, discovers that they are only the carnal--AND ALWAYS WERE!" Anton LaVey never advocated anything "spiritual," so disabuse yourselves of this myth. He did advocate exploration of the supernormal - a very different enterprise. There are many structures that can and do arise from the foundations of the basic principles formulated by LaVey, and we embrace them in our very diverse organization. However, if you want to believe in some kind of UFO-cult-oriented blather about discarnate entities, feel free to do so, but don't be surprised when we who have defined Satanism point out that you are not Satanists.

The Church of Satan has always looked for knowledge to science, both Western and the "hidden sciences" of the East, much of which is encoded in what are called the "Dark Doctrines." We call this "undefiled Wisdom," and this is the ever-deepening understanding of the nature of the beast-called-Man and the Universe in which he exists. We don't accept faith or mysticism. We demand bedrock knowledge - Understanding - which can come from outward research and observation as well as carnal intuition. We also acknowledge that people have varied abilities to grasp such knowledge. Like ability in music or mathematics, you either have the talent to see these things or you do not - it is not a matter of effort, but nature. We particularly cherish people who train their natural abilities and become virtuosos. We've explored these domains from the very beginning of the Church of Satan, and some "multi-cultural" tid-bits were released in "The Satanic Rituals." For many years we've been publishing in "The Black Flame" the work of Magister Marsh and Magistra Jantsang (who both expound in detail upon these Dark Doctrines, which have been largely ignored in the West, as well as their relationship with the hard sciences). Don't accept the tales of Johnny-come-latelies who now claim that they were first to seek out this material. They were busy bouncing from organization to organization is search of an identity while we were bringing hard-core data to the real international Satanic community - the Membership of the Church of Satan and the de facto Satanists who are part of our meta-tribe.

But we Satanists are not here to smarten up the rubes. They are welcome to be fooled by "False Churches of Satan" and get the instant titles they crave (plastic badges spilled from a gumball machine at a quarter a pop), while knowing in their hearts that these count for nothing. You get what you pay for. These stunted children playing in a sandbox are desperate for our attention, for us to welcome them into our community - the cabal of potent individuals. Well kids, you're out of luck. Hold hands and cry, huddle on your e-lists and complain because you can't make it along side of the ladies and gentlemen whose accomplishments have merited our attention. You couldn't cut the mustard, but your posts prove you certainly can cut the cheese - "This way out, the street for mine!" You aren't worthy to lick the dust off of the boots of the productive members of the Church of Satan - and you couldn't catch up to them even if you wanted to, as they are busy working in the real world to make things better for themselves and for real Satanists. They don't stop to waste words with their inferiors on newsgroups and in chat rooms - unless some of them get a kick out of slumming. Some do - there's no accounting for taste - while others plant signs to point the way out for those worthy folk who might accidentally stumble upon the flea circus of alt.satanism.

So, here are some words to the curious, new to Satanism, who might want to associate with the Satanists who made Anton LaVey proud. As our Bunco Sheet warns: If you affiliate with the pseudo-Satanic, you dis-affiliate yourself from the Church of Satan. We do not tolerate additional membership in groups that have slandered our founder, our representatives, and our High Priestess, who have infringed on our copyrights and have spread lies about our beliefs and practices. If you have been ignorant enough to become a member of one of these "special ed." versions of Satanism, you cannot run with our pack until you separate yourselves from them. Otherwise you're welcome to remain caught in traffic while stuffed in the back of the short bus. We aren't ecumenical. We are our own community - a highly insular one - to which one gains entrance through personal achievement and by having the proper Satanic nature at birth. Registered membership is easy. But advancing in our organization is not. You have to be able to deliver the goods. Not many can. Many chicken out, afraid to test their mettle and look instead for a quick fix - instant Satanism. As the old commercials used to say: "Don't be fooled by imitators. Accept no substitutes!"

The whiners can continue to pout with their mantra, "Let's all work together in one community," but we ain't buyin' it. That's always the cry of the parasite and loser who wants to sucker-in the productive individuals so they can mooch off their talents and ride on their coattails. We know that old song and dance and prefer to boogie to far different tunes. And as our currently emphasized watchword is "Lex Talionis," be aware that we delightedly give each person we encounter what they so richly deserve - justice in action.

You will also note that some of our members who do go online finally decide not to play ball with these intellectual black holes. They are Epicurian Sadists who say "No" to the masochists seeking eustress. So the spiteful brats who can't bear to be ignored strike back by posting personal information about our members and representatives with whom they're obsessed, or by stealing the sort of copyrighted material they could never create and illegally transmitting it (a real crime, folks). If that doesn't give them away for failures, desperate for attention, then you might belong in their company. If they had something to offer, something original, they wouldn't be using our imagery and names to play the old "bait and switch" game. They'd let you know up front that they are not offering Satanism as synthesized by Anton LaVey and carried forward by his chosen successors. But they don't - another giveaway to their con game. Nothing prevents them from original achievement and earned respect, save their lack of ability and the fact that they just don't even bother trying.

To our comrades, the Satanists (we don't use that term lightly, but as an honorific) who pull on their hip-boots and gas masks to wade through the fecal online muck, we salute you - you go where we prefer not to tread. To the others, a swarm of gadflies and shit-disturbers, we say, "What others?" You don't exist, as far as we are concerned. Now that the rock has been lifted, these maggots will squirm and writhe, and spew forth more noxious waste. We've seen it all before during our 34 year history, and we're sure to see this scenario replayed yet again. Reruns, and of particularly dull episodes.

Now back to your boo-hoo-hooing, my little wastrels. Continue to delude yourselves that your meager online ghetto has something to do with real Satanism. Meanwhile, we're off to continue with the grand party that is Satanic life. To the worthy, the invite is here. Open it and be welcomed.

Magister Peter H. Gilmore
Copyright 1999