Secret Competition

It's a secret competition
that only she can sense
no plots or manipulations
just a test of patience
an unfair advantage
of having no choice
thriving in your arguments
hidden deep inside me
From my lips her worries have no base
But in my heart she is right
watching the seconds tic
holding my breath for a few words
almost have them in my grasp
yet still too far to touch
always hiding my reach
it never can be discovered
yet she knows
as I would expect from her
and hope from her
it is enough to break
Is this ugliness so horrible?
Well what would you expect
from me?
I can not go against the will of my heart
I hope it is right