EXCHANGE THEORY

There is a beautiful story which has been assigned as a reading exercise to millions of elementary school children that illustrates the complexities of Exchange Theory rather well. The story will be briefly recounted here to show that, when the Theory mentions "self interest," it does not necessarily mean that family members are forever looking for an opportunity to take advantage of each other. It can, as the little tale will demonstrate, be something very different indeed.

Long ago, a young couple married but, though they loved each other deeply, they had very little money to spare after the basic expenses of life were paid. All they had of any real value to them was his gold watch and her beautiful, long golden hair.

When Christmas came that year, they had no money put aside to buy each other presents but, on Christmas morning, nonetheless, each had a small package to give to the other. When she opened her present, it contained a fine hair comb that she had long admired and, when he opened his, it contained a chain with fob that he had long wanted for his watch.

How had they managed to buy each other the exact present which each had desired? He had sold his watch to buy the comb and she had cut off her hair to sell to a wig maker who paid enough for her to afford the fine watch fob.

Exchange Theory might well have predicted what both of them did. The Theory states that a family member's behavior can be predicted if that member's motivation is understood and their love was so deep that their most powerful motivation was to make the other happy. The Theory further states that when the profits to be gained are equal, family memebers will choose the option that will earn them the most benefits in the long run and what could either of them possibly have done that would have sealed their relationship more securely--the longest term benefit--than that which they did, each for the other?