Ram Bam, Bubba And The Molad of Nothing



The priestly figure extended his hands, palms up, toward Bubba and spoke, in a Babylonian accent or at least, what Bubba thought a Babylonian accent might sound like (the reader may image a German accent).
"Grasshopper!, er . . .uh, Bubba! You have been reading about our calendar for years and, still, you seem confused. I have come to you to explain how it works. It really is quite simple, you know."

B Bubba just stared.
Finally he managed, "Are you an angel? . . .or sumtin?"

RB "No, no, no, my boy. I am 'Ram Bam, The Calendar Man!', (no relation to Rambam, the Jewish scholar of the 13th cent.). I am the High Muckety-Muck of Molads, the Honcho of Halakim, the Sultan of Cycles, the Impresario of Intercalation, the Caliph of Calculation, . . ."

B "Okay, okay! I get your drift."

RB "Hey! Don't say "drift", this is a science, you know . . ."

B "Sorry, all I meant was . . ."

RB "Hey! You want I should explain already, or what?"

B "Okay, uh, I mean, YES!"

RB "Well, first we start with the moon."

B "The first crescent?"

RB "Hey! Who's telling this!, anyway!?!"
No, it's not the first crescent. The old way took two witnesses and where are we going to find two mensch who are going to agree on anything?
So anyway, then it had to go to a committee and before you could say 'concensus', the month was already . . . well, nevermind.
We use the molad which is the instant of conjunction with the moon and the sun and the earth . . ."

B "The instant of conjunction?"

RB Well, more or less. After all who can see a conjunction? You want I should go blind?"
We want to know these dates in advance for scheduling business so we use the "mean" molad, you know what I mean? Ha, ha! That's a joke, son. Did I say 'business', I mean so we can calculate the feast days so that . . ."

B "So that you know when they occur on the Roman calendar?"

RB "Well sure, but more importantly so that none of the high days of Leviticus falls on a preparation day or that Atonement falls on a Sunday."

B "For the convenience of those preparing for or serving on the feast day, right?"

RB "convenience, conschmenience. We can't have a feast day on a preparation day. It's in our Talmud."

B "That's the day immediately before any feast day, right?"

RB "Wrong, moon breath! The preparation day is Friday and the day before Atonement.

B "So the preparation day, or Friday, takes precedence over a feast day?"

RB "Well, yes, but you don't have to say it THAT way. It's the rituals of Friday and pre-Atonement, that by our tradition must be observed."

B "But I thought it was to prevent back-to-back Sabbaths or feast days."

RB "What? Did you never look at our feast schedule? Many of our feasts involve two or more consecutive days, and 6 of the seven days given to Moses are observed on two consecutive days (Note, this offer good only outside Jerusalem and is void were prohibited by Reform congregations.)
If God had not wanted us to keep back-to-back feasts, he would have told Moses, or at least, Moses' mother. It's for the preparation day of Friday and the day before Atonement, that by Talmudic tradition, we must invoke the dehiyyot, the "exceptions", or as you call them, "postponements"."

B "So you're making "exceptions" to God's schedule?"

RB "Hey! Don't get smart with me. Or don't you want that I should reveal the "Secrets of Intercalation" (copyright Hillel II, 359 CE)."

B "Sorry, I was just trying to understand."

RB "Okay, okay, okay, where was I? Oh yes . . . "
"We use the mean molad . . . . . . . Well!?!"

B "Well, what?"

RB "You are supposed to ask, "How mean was it?"
B "Uh, okay. How mean was it?"

RB "It was so mean . . . . . that sometimes it was day after tomorrow, and sometimes it was last month! Ah, ha, ha, ha!!!"

B "Huh?"

RB "You're not laughing. You never hear of Abbot and Costello? Is this thing on?
Okay, okay, for the humor-impaired, I'll explain it again. The actual molad or conjunction of Tishri can be 7 hours before or 14 hours after the "mean" conjunction."

B "So the calculated Tishri 1, or Feast of Trumpets, can be calculated to be two days after the actual molad or one day before which would be the last day of the sixth month?"

RB "Excellent, my boy! Now you're getting it."

B "But wouldn't that make the feasts too early or too late by one or two days?"

RB "Don't go there boy! You'll only get confused."

B "But why Tishri? Isn't that the seventh month?"

RB "Yes, but only according to Moses, and only in regard to the seven feasts he received from God. Our older tradition is that the world was created in Tishri, that in Egypt our ancestors observed it as the first month. Before that, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, may they rest in peace, observed it as the first month in Canaan. Before that Abraham observed it in Assyria and in Babylon. It's tradition that's older than what was given at Mt. Sinai, and if you're Jewish, you can appreciate that, otherwise . . .
Anyway, that's why we celebrate New Years in the "7th" (wink, wink) month."

B "Just so I understand, the actual molad of Abib, the "1st" month, can be one day earlier or two days later than the calculated molad?"

RB "No, in the spring, it's different. It may be two days earlier or one day later, but who's looking? Eh?, . . .That's a joke son, "looking", . . "observing"?, . . . nevermind!"

B "So you calculate a mean molad at noon and then the first crescent, which is that night, is the first day?"

RB "No, no, no! Forget the first crescent. That was put 'on hold' with the rest of observation. The first crescent may be the same day or as much as four days later but it's usually close. You cannot harmonize calculations with observation except by coincidence. Oy vey! We cannot even harmonize the calculations with astronomy! I mean, take the moon, . . . when we started with the calculations, who would know that it has almost 1,500 variations in movement, 500 of which are significant to scheduling its position? Even Isaac Newton, the famous astronomer, may he rest in peace, said it was the only thing in space that gave him a headache.
Besides, seeing the first crescent is subject to where you are in relation to when and where the molad occurs. It always moves, you know."

B "But when I watch for the moon, I don't see any problems."

RB "What is it with you and always "watching, watching, watching"? What? Are you a "watchman" now? We're talking science here, calculations. Don't get me started with the "watching"!!!"

B "Okay, okay. So you calculate the molad, more or less, uh, . . . I mean, the mean molad, and then actual sunset begins the 1st day?"

RB "Well, not exactly. You see we can't use actual sunset because it varies too much. We use 6 pm as sunset so that our calculations can work, but it is close you know."

B "So you don't begin Sabbath at sunset?"

RB "Of course we do! It's just, . . .well, as far as calculations are concerned, actual sunset doesn't count. But it's usually within an hour or so."

B "But isn't there a dehiyyot, . . .a postponement rule, that says if the molad occurs after 12 noon, that Tishri 1 must be postponed one day because the 1st crescent wouldn't be visible by 6 pm?"

RB "Ah! You have been reading. Good boy!"

B "But if actual sunset is later than 6 pm and the 1st crescent was visible, wouldn't you have postponed unnecessarily?"

RB "How many times must I tell you to ignore the first crescent?
Now, going back to the molad, which is at noon, . . . and if we consider Jerusalem to be the starting point . . ."

B "But you said the molad always moves and I know from astronomy that the point on the earth above which the sun and moon come into alignment with the earth, moves eastward by about one and a half time zones every two months."

RB "True, but what is your question?"

B "When is it directly over Jerusalem and is that your benchmark?"

RB "Ah, benchmark! I'm glad you brought that up . . ."

B "Actually I was asking about the molad and Jerusalem."

RB "Oh. Well, you're right about the progression. Actually we can't prove that it was ever over Jerusalem since a mean conjunction is impossible to determine in advance, . . .the 1,500 variations, you know . . .(trailing off sadly).
When we started trying to figure this out, in Babylon . . ., you see . . . we had no need of it before then . . . and then very few went back to Jerusalem . . . so it seemed important to continue, for those in Babylon and scattered elsewhere. I mean, the Jews had scattered all over Europe, as far east as China and Japan, and they were down in Egypt and North Africa, all the way to Spain and Portugal. We had to do something for them.
When the persecutions continued in Palestine and got progressively worse, especially under the Romans, we sent a 60-year schedule to the High Priest. He said he'd get back to us, yeah, and "the check's in the mail", right!
Later, when the messengers of the High Priest couldn't get past the Roman lines with the proclamations of the feast days, . . . well, Hananya began to use the calculated dates in Babylon. Oy vey!!! What a ruckus!!! Such the name-calling and screaming and you never saw the like. Jerusalem threatened to excommunicate all of Babylon unless they backed away from the calculations. The fighting and feuding went on for a whole generation. It's all in our history.
The High Priest said it was a matter of "tradition", but I think it was the temple tax and the power, yeah, that was the real "tradition", if you ask me because if we had done the proclamation from Babylon, the Rome would have had no say in the matter and they wouldn't have cared. Part of it was those Zealots, always fighting everybody and only provoking Rome to limit the freedoms more. So later Hillel II . . .wait a minute!!!
You got me completely off the track!
Where was I? Oh yes . . . We figure, using the molad over Jerusalem . . "

B "Even though it's not . . ."

RB "Hey! You can do better? Have you been working on this since the 5th century? Well, have you!?!

B "Sorry, just trying . . . ."

RB "Hey! Stop trying to understand, you'll probably just get more confused. Just pay attention and try not to interrupt, okay!?"
We "assume" the molad over Jerusalem, that puts a 6 pm sunset 90 degrees east of us. And being good astronomers, we also use 0 degrees latitude for the basis of all calculations."

B "Hmmmmmm." (said Bubba, as he looked at a globe), "Hey! 0 degrees is the equator and 90 degrees east is in the middle of, . . . of . . . well I can't find anything but water, . . ."

RB "I know, I know, already!, the middle of the Molucca Sea. So what's your problem now?"

B "Uh, . . .well, . . .uh nevermind for now. (said Bubba, too shocked to say what he really thought)."

RB "Anyway, with that reference point and the molad over Jerusalem . . "

B ("Assumed molad", Bubba thought, but kept silent.)
RB ". . .we can calculate all future feast dates, using as you mentioned, a benchmark.
We could use any previously established molad but . . .well . . . since it seems that some of the first data we used was incorrect, it was decided to use the first molad of Creation, . . "

B "How . . .?"

RB "Well, we calculated backwards to determine the first molad."

B "Using the current calculations?"

RB "Uh, no, it was in the 3rd cent., before we developed the current numbers."

B "So you used calculations that were later changed, corrected as it were?"

RB "Well, yes . . ."

B "So that explains the benchmark being changed four times with different numbers being used for the molad of . . . what's it called?"

RB "The molad of tohu."

B "Which translates as . . .?"

RB "By your tone, I think you already know, "the molad of nothing", but it's not what you think and I don't like your train of thought."

B "Sorry . . . "

RB "Yeah, yeah, yeah, 'just trying to understand', well let me tell you something . . !"

B "Great robes ya got there!"

RB ". . .you really think so? I got them at half price from my uncle . . . wait a minute!"

B "Tell me about how you use the benchmark, . . please!"

RB "Oh, right.
To keep it simple . . ."

B ("Yeah, right!", thought Bubba but said nothing.)

RB ". . .we determine any molad of Tishri by subtracting cycles of 19 years and then dealing with the remainder in terms of years, days, hours and parts (of hours, @ 1080 parts/hour)."

B "This is how it was always done?"

RB "Well, no. But remember man didn't learn all about astronomy in one day, nor the math necessary to measure the movements and cycles. It took about 2000 years, you know, from Noah to the Babylonian captivity, to accumulate enough data, and then, it all just seemed to 'come together'. We had the data, the math, and certainly the motivation, but we were still learning."

B "You mean it didn't always work this way?"

RB "Of course not. When observation was used, there was no need to harmonize the lunar calendar with the sun. The High Priest just looked at the barley crop and if it wasn't ready, he waited until the next lunar month.
Even in the 4th cent. AD, Rabbi Huna b. Abin told the Babylonians to do this. By that time they thought it was part of the calendar "secrets". Ha!"
Anyway, in Babylon we tried using their 8-year cycle, but it didn't work very well, and then, Meton discovered the 19-year cycle and we were skeptical, but after it had been around for about 600 years, and after rejecting various other methods, we finally accepted it."

B "Okay, so you subtract the 19-year cycles and work with what is left over, the "remainder". But since the lunar month is 29.5 solar days . . .?"

RB "Right, we use months of 29 and 30 days."

B "But how do you know in advance how long . . . "

RB "Well, we can't, but in order to make the calculations work we assign a fixed length to each month with months one through seven never varying. In order to keep the year from being too long or too short, we assign or deduct days from the 8th and 9th months."

B "So you determine the length of the months a year or more in advance regardless of the actual length of . . ."

RB "Hey! Don't go there. I told you to forget about observation. At least until we get a new Sanhedrin and then . . . "

B "Sorry, just thinking out loud."

RB "Hey, this may not make sense if you insist on thi... . . .uh, what I mean is, just pay attention so I can finish this, okay? Okay!
The benchmark is set on a particular day of the week, so, when we subtract the 19-year cycles, the remainder will show us which day the future molad will fall on. If it will conflict with a preparation day or a pre-Atonement preparation day, we postpone, er, make an exception . . ."

B ("Yeah, an exception to God's laws." Bubba thought, but said nothing.)

RB " . . . and delay the molad by one or two days.
There's also the matter of leap years."

B "You're not talking about February 29th?"

RB "Oh no, by leap year we mean adding, actually 'declaring' a 13th month in the lunar year to reconcile it with the solar seasons so that Passover falls in (Palestine's) spring. This is done in 7 of every 19 years. The exact sequence has varied and we never used Meton's sequence but that was because we started using it in a different year than Meton did and his sequence caused some other problems."

B "So this is the calendar that the Jews have always used?"

RB "Well . . , uh . . , no. There was a lot of disagreement. Some didn't accept it until the 14th cent. CE and others not until the 17th cent., and some have never accepted it at all."

B "But it was in this form?"

RB "Well, with the exception of the changes I mentioned before and, uh, well, it required some adjustments until the 9th, or 10th, or maybe the 11th cent. depending on whom you believe, but since then it been basically unchanged."

B "But never universally accepted?"

RB "No, but the Orthodox and Conservative accept it. As far as Reform and the others, well, any organization has its troublemakers, I mean, look at the trouble that Jesus fellow stirred up. Outrageous!"

B "Speaking of whom, apparently he didn't observe the same calendar as the Pharisees?"

RB "Hey, it's just like today. Different opinions, different calendars. The Pharisees controlled the Temple and that's what counted. What people did in their own homes, well, as long as they didn't stir up a stink, there were more urgent problems to deal with. Between the Romans, the Zealots, the poor economy, the high taxes, the competition from the Jewish scholars in Babylon, the infighting among the Sadducean priests, the Pharisees and the Herodians, and then false messiahs had been showing up for a hundred years and that continued even later.
The Sadducees and other groups each had their own calendar but the Pharisees controlled the civil government through the throne and they controlled the Temple, more or less. They made the loopholes, er, I mean the judgments regarding the applications of the laws and they wrote the Talmud and their own history, so why should they not come off looking better in comparison to everyone else? They were the "mainstream religion" of their day even though there were less than 7,000 of them at the end of the Temple period.
The Zealots were the troublemakers. Thanks to them, Constantius (337-361) outlawed intercalation, which strictly speaking is the declaration of a 13th lunar month in the spring."

B "So what happened?"

RB "Ha! We showed him! We added it after the 5th month (July-Aug)."

B "But wouldn't that mean that the spring feast were held a month too early and make the 7th month into the 8th month?"

RB "Well, yes, but we certainly showed Constantius a thing or two!"

B "Well, considering the primitive state of astronomy and math and all the persecution from outside Judaism and the infighting among the Jews, and the centuries of revisions, it is amazing that it was ever developed much less that it endured. You must be very proud of it."

RB "Well, just between you, me and the molad, although it's been useful in preserving the observance of the feast days, it's turned out to be a piece of c_ _ p!, pardon my Arabic."

B "Huh???"

RB "Look, every time we thought we had it figured out, time would go by and we'd be drifting away from the equinox again, then we'd make new adjustments, use new data, and it would start all over again.
First it was an 8-year cycle that flopped, then we tried other methods, then a faulty 19-year cycle, and it's still wrong. The data we used for the length of the lunar year was off 2 hours, 8 minutes, 15.3 seconds in 19 years. In 1900 years that's almost 9 full days! The data for the solar year was only off by 6 minutes, 39 and 25/57ths seconds which didn't seem like much at the time but it advanced us from the equinox by one day every 216 years!"

B "So that's why your observance is a month late according to the equinox and the seasons in some years?"

RB "Yeah, but you don't have to rub it in. We realized it a long time ago but it had already become 'tradition' by then, you know. Whaddya gonna do? Besides, it appears that some of the calculations' errors seem to cancel each other out so that we sometimes end up near the right day in spite of ourselves, but you didn't hear that from me.
Anyway, as soon as we get a new Sanhedrin in Jerusalem, we'll straighten it all out."

B "By changing the calculations again?"

RB "No way! I told you they won't work accurately. Any astronomer can tell you that any workable lunisolar calendar is impossible. No, we'll go back to observation, you know, the 'older tradition'."

B "But some say the calculations are the 'older tradition'."

RB "You don't mean Al-Fayumi, do you? That dummy! Even the Karaites made him look silly by using our own Talmud. All the leading rabbis had to agree with the Karaites. That was embarrassing! We thought pigs would be flying before that would ever happen.
Look, there was no need for a perpetual calendar before Mt. Sinai, when the feasts were given to Moses. Everybody used a 12-month, 30-day calendar for civil purposes and had extra days left over at the end. In Egypt they were simply called 'holidays' and we all partied. I remember the leeks and onion stew, . . .uh, anyway, Noah used it, David and Solomon used it for civil purposes and for scheduling the temple courses. Hey! Like I said, 'tradition', you know, 'Happy New Year' on Tishri 1."

B "Are you saying that Hillel II wasn't inspired by God?"

RB "Hillel, Schillel, the man was inspired by Romans breathing down his neck in Tiberias, of all places. The place was a graveyard once, you know. It was off limits to Orthodox."

B "But didn't he publish the calendar in Jerusalem?"

RB "I thought you said you read up on this.
The Temple was destroyed and the Sanhedrin along with it in 70 CE. The Sanhedrin was outlawed by the Romans. Johanan ben Zakkai went to Jabneh, on the border of Judea, and used a Beth Din as a replacement for the Sanhedrin, of course it didn't have much authority, just moral and religious affairs, but symbolically, we showed the Romans a thing or two and kept the Babylonian Jews in their place.
But thanks to the Zealots and their constant fighting, the Romans kept looking for things to outlaw, and so eventually they got around to the Beth Din, so we began to move it around, to Usah, Shafran, Sepphoris and even Tiberias if you can believe that. But the Romans caught on and outlawed intercalation and eventually any type of calendar calculations and they destroyed the Jewish community in Tiberias, Samaria, in 352.
Ha!, remember the joke, 'Can any good thing come out of Samaria?' Yeah, that one came back to bite us in the tush.
If Hillel II published any calendar from Tiberias, I guarantee it was motivated from Rome and not from G-d's throne.

I've thought about writing a book on this, what do you think?
Perhaps I could call it, "Ram Bam's Postpone It Ma'am!" Would that translate okay in your culture?"

B (Bubba tried not to laugh.) "Well, considering all the, uh, activity, in uh, adjusting the calendar, uh, the perceived innuendo might even be considered, er, a bit subtle."

RB (Looking a bit confused.) "At least that sounded positive. The alternative was, "Postponements Can Prevent Premature Calculation".

B (Chuckling) "Well, I appreciate your candor."

RB "Candor, schmandor, it's all in our written history."

B "I know, I've been reading about it.

Let me see if I've got all this straight.
In a nutshell, nothing personal, you take the 'molad of nothing' which you've changed at least four times, subtract the 19-year cycles, in which both the solar and lunar years are too long, allow for prescheduled intercalary years, which may not always be necessary, check the weekday and reschedule the feast days of God, giving precedence to Fridays and pre-Atonement.
You preschedule the lengths of certain months ignoring the actual lunar phases, and adding or subtracting days from certain other months, also ignoring their actual lengths.
You calculate an imaginary molad which you cannot see and which may have never have been when you say it is, but is usually off by one or two days.
You figure on and make postponements using a 6 pm sunset, regardless of actual sunset, while counting days from noon to noon and using a sunset in the Molucca Sea.
Your calculated calendar originated in Babylon, and was sent to Jerusalem where it was claimed as original work. It was modified and 'corrected' for 1,200 years by some Jews while others rejected it for 500 to 800 years and some have still not accepted it. After all these modifications it's still wrong by as much as a month in some years. If you accidentally get the molad correct, you are still out of sync with the first crescent, which by your own 'older' tradition is the first day of the month. Either way you re-schedule God's divinely scheduled feast days to avoid conflict with your own Friday preparation rituals.
You know it's wrong, but because of 'tradition' you can't correct it or ignore it until an 'official' Sanhedrin declares it obsolete, null and void and goes back to the 'older' tradition of observation, with a serving of calculations and barley watching on the side.
But all this is 'okay', because of 'tradition'.
Did I leave anything out?"

(It was Ram Bam's turn to just stare. Bubba could see the blood rising in his face, sorta like a huge thermometer, about to explode.)

B 'I'm not trying to make you mad, or offend you. I'm just trying to understand the facts, okay?"

RB (His voice rising.) "You have wasted my time. What kind of a Jew are you anyway? Or are you even Jewish? You don't look Jewish!"

B (Backing up) "Uh, I think I'm descended from Israelites."

RB (His voice still rising.) "But what KIND of a Jew are you?"

B "Well, uh, . . .uh, I'm not sure?"

RB (Advancing menacingly toward Bubba.) "Well, are you Hasidic or mitnagdim (opponents)?"

B "Uh, neither sounds familiar."

RB "They are European Jews."

B "I'm sure not European."

RB (Advancing closer) "Then, are you Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform?"
B "Uh, I'm not sure?"

RB (His voice still angry, but approaching normal.) "Well, if you're 'traditional', you're either Orthodox or perhaps Conservative. If you're 'liberal', you're either Reform, Reconstructionist or perhaps Conservative, unless you're British in which case you could be either Reform, Liberal, Conservative or Chasidic."

B "Uh . . ."

RB "If you're Orthodox, you're either 'modern Orthodox', Chasidic (ultra-Orthodox) or Yeshivish Orthodox."

B "Uh . . ."

RB "You don't dress like a Chasidic, and you don't speak British English."

B "I'm an American."

RB "Northern, southern or Californian congregation?"

B "Uh, I live in the south, er southwest."

RB "Probably Reform. Is your observance hiloni (secular) or masorti (traditionally observant but not as dogmatic as the Orthodox)?"

B (Feeling his back against a wall or something.) "Uh, are there any other choices?"

RB "Karaite . . . .(thinking for a moment) . . . oh yes, and Lubavitcher Chasidim."

B (Finally hearing something that sounded familiar) "Lubamawazit? Yeah, we go to Luby's every Sabbath, after church."

RB "CHURCH!!!!, LUBY'S!!!!"

Ram Bam then rattled off a string of Babylonian expletives ending with something that Bubba translated to mean "I'ma really gonna hurt you bad". Removing his cape with a flourish, he flung it at Bubba, who struggled to get free of it and kept trying to back up but something was at his back.
Bubba pulled the cape off his head to see Ram Bam doing a Bruce Lee thing with a huge scimitar. It reminded Bubba of the inside of a blender and he tried to fling the cape back at Ram Bam but was still entangled in the thing. When he pulled it down again Ram Bam had stopped dancing and was poised to attack.

RB "YOU'RE NOT EVEN JEWISH, BUT I'M GOING TO CIRCUMCISE YOU WITH THE CIRCUMCISION OF SIMEON AND LEVI WHEN THEY FELL UPON THE SHECHEMITES!!!!!" (raising the gleaming scimitar above his head.)
B (Screaming now.) "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" (as he tried again to throw off the cape, and lunging backwards, he smashed his head against something hard. He saw a blinding light as the scimitar sliced downward between his legs.) "NOOOOOOOO!!!!! (someone grabbed his arm and held on, as he struggled with the cape at the same time trying to take inventory of his privates to see if they were all still intact.)

M "BUBBA, BUBBA!!!!" (Mama shouted, shaking his arm). "WAKE UP, YOU'RE DREAMING"

Bubba slowly returned to the real world. Mama had turned on the lights when Bubba had begun screaming and lunged into the headboard. The bedcovers were a mess. He squinted at the lights but continued to take inventory as his gasping breaths calmed down to deep breathing.

M "Are you alright Bubba?" (as he continued to search his pajama bottoms [it was a cold night]). "You were dreaming weren't you, or is there something in there with you?" (peeking under the covers).

B (Still trying to breath normally.) "Uh, . . .uh . . . yeah (finally satisfied with the inventory results). . . it WAS just a dream."

M "Musta been some dream, though, what with all the hollering and thrashing about."

B "Oh! . . . uh . . . naw . . . uh . . . I guess it weren't nothing really (and then another light came on just above Bubba's head). Yeah, it was nothing, that's why they call it 'molad tohu', there's 'nothing' to it."

And, grinning, he kissed Mama goodnight.

***
Mel Horne


Note: This is NOT an anti-Semitic article. This is an anti-"calculated calendar" article. We respect the Jewish people and consider them to be our 'cousins', literally.
"Ram Bam" was a figment of Bubba's dream, a collage of encyclopedic fine print, Xena reruns and Bubba's synapses coming out of chute no. 8 after midnight. Any resemblance to any human, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The facts however, are recorded Jewish history.

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Copyright M.H. and G.H. 2000. All rights reserved.