The Prospective Marriage

Between Man And God

God created us in his own personal image (Gen. 1:26-28) which tells us a lot about the relationship he wants to have with mankind. Our present "image" was not the only possible choice. Consider all the other living creatures on this earth and the imagination and planning required to create them as functional, but not always aesthetic elements of the earth's ecosytems and food chains. If God was not interested in a close relationship, he could have just as easily made us to look like cockroaches, vultures or monkeys. All of the possible choices God rejected in choosing our "image" also tell us a lot about what kind of relationships he does not want to have with us.

If God had wanted us to do nothing for eternity but stare at him in semi-thoughtless but perpetual "adoration", he could have created us to look like dogs. Dogs are wonderful creatures up to a point. But sons and daughters, after awhile, usually stop the drooling, the biting and the howling in the middle of the night.
If God had created us merely for his amusement, he could have given us colorful feathers and a wider vocal range. Birds are beautiful creatures with very small brains which are easily distracted by shiny objects. With fancy feathers in many bright colors, we could have resembled a continuous Las Vegas review. But sons and daughters can mature past a preoccupation with preening and learn to perform more productive tasks.

If God had wanted a semi-independent relationship in which we show up periodically to impress him with our cuteness or affection and otherwise totally ignore him, he could have created us to look like cats. Cats are also wonderful creatures, with very short attention spans. But sons and daughters eventually stop acting like teenagers, usually around age 25 (a fact confirmed by auto insurance rates).

God created us in one "image" (his), but of two different sexes in order that we can experience all the challenges and opportunities of relationships (Gen. 2:18).
He instituted marriage to teach us that successful relationships require effort (Gen. 2:24) and to teach us the difference between selfishness and love (Jn. 15:13).
Selfishness kills a relationship. Love gives it life.

Men and women have the same overall image, homo sapiens, but differ primarily in the way the brain works. (This has been explained by many writers so we shall not repeat it here.)

The similarity in male and female images facilitates attraction while the difference in the brain contributes to repulsion. It is similar to holding two magnets. One combination of polarities (+, -) causes the two to cling together while the other combination (+, +) or (-, -) resists contact. The only difference is in how they approach each other.

Among people, two singles become one couple when the attraction exceeds the repulsion. (She's kinda goofy but she's soooo cute. He's old but he's very rich.)

Dating is based on both attraction and selfishness. [He/she is 1) attractive and fun, and 2) I don't want to be seen in public with someone ugly.]

Courtship begins when the attraction exceeds the selfishness. (I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get him/her to marry me.)
The honeymoon, and often the marriage, ends when the selfishness reasserts itself over the attraction. (It's my way or the highway!)

Between God and man, there is both attraction and repulsion.

We are attracted to the idea of a benevolent higher power who promises us something beyond death. We want a source of truth, safety, peace, stability, protection, intervention, "neat stuff" and a happy ending. We want answers to life's questions. We want something beyond 70 years of struggle, disappointments, pollution, crime, wars, disease and aging. We want it enough that we will even hide among our fantasies (novels, movies, daydreams, fantasy goals, self-deceit) as often as possible to avoid the realities of human existence. We are attracted to a God who offers us benefits. We are attracted to the degree that God seems real to us (Rom. 3:10-18).

At the same time, we are repulsed by the thought of giving up our freedom to enjoy everything that feels good. We do not want to face the truth of our own shortcomings or that our failures are our own fault. We do not want to be accountable for anything, including our own stupidity or clumsiness. (We order hot coffee and then sue the vendor because we got burned.) We don't like the idea of anyone telling us how to live or that we must change our attitudes and behavior. We are repulsed by a God who would make demands of us. Because the repulsion is so strong, we accept various "religions" according to the flavor that tell us what we want to hear (Isa. 30:8-11) or we pretend that God doesn't exist (Psa. 14:1).

 

Marriage symbolizes the relationship God desires with each of us.

" . . . as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you." (Isa 62:5).

"And there came unto me one of the seven angels . . . saying, Come here, I will show you the bride, the Lamb's wife." (Rev 21:9).

"For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ." (2Cr 11:2).

"For your Maker is your husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and your Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called." (Isa 54:5).


Regrettably, we are not surrounded by perfect marriages from which to model our own, much less to understand the relationship God seeks with us. Our marriages are imperfect because we are imperfect.
In mathematics there is a principle that if A=B, then B=A. Through scripture God tells us how to have a perfect marriage. If we would conduct our marriages on his principles then they would be more perfect and would more perfectly reflect the relationship he desires to have with each of us.
When all we have is knowledge of imperfect or "bad" marriages, it is difficult to imagine or to understand the relationship God desires with us. But if we are willing to "fix" our marriages according to his principles, then we can better understand and "fix" our relationship with God.

About half of all marriages demonstrate that instead of vowing and fulfilling the marriage vow, "til death do us part", it's "yeah baby, you're the one, until I get tired of you", or "until I find something better".

Couples are increasingly using vows such as "For as long as our love shall last." and "Until our time together is over." This amounts to a prenuptial agreement that the marriage is just temporary. Couples reluctant to commit for life, reserve a way out to avoid the stigma of breaking a vow, the purpose of which is to pledge unqualified commitment.

God created marriage (Gen. 2:24) for us to understand the close relationship he desires to have with each of us as well as the permanent nature of that relationship. Society has created a modified ritual that serves only to make the temporary "playing house" with multiple, consecutive partners legally and socially acceptable.

This is not the relationship that God wants with us.

If we can't fulfill our part of a marriage relationship with our imperfect mate, what are we going to do in a relationship with a perfect God?

If we are unfaithful, disloyal, if we sabotage the marriage, if we murmur and complain, will God want us in a relationship with him?

If we are are unfaithful in any of our vows to our mate (to love, cherish, honor), how can God trust in our vows to him?

Relationship Parallels

Every aspect of male/female relationships from acquaintance, to dating, to marriage reflects a stage in developing a relationship with God. Even divorce and remarriage have their parallels in our relationship with God.

 

The Acquaintance Parallel

Whether we meet someone by chance, obligation, or necessity, we put them into categories:

- social acquaintance
- friend
- co-worker
- neighbor
- business acquaintance
- potential date
- potential mate

We also categorize them by our impression of them:

- friendly or snobbish
- intelligent or stupid
- patient or temperamental
- educated or ignorant
- interesting or boring
- attractive or unattractive
- worth knowing or worthless
- fun or dull

God met mankind by choice, not by necessity or obligation. Of his own free will he took the initiative to create us, to bring us into existence from dust.
"And God said, Let us make man . . ." (Gen 1:26).
"And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." (Gen 2:7).

It is natural to want to feel that we are popular or worth knowing. It is very satisfying or even exciting when someone (not a salesman) approaches us saying "I just had to meet you.", "I've looked forward to meeting you.", or "I just wanted to shake your hand.". It is even more satisfying when we determine that there is no ulterior motive beyond meeting us or getting to know us -- that the other person places value on just being in our presence, or on hearing what we have to say.

The most exciting encounter is when the other person is of the opposite sex. To have an attractive but unknown man or woman suddenly appear, who is totally interested in us, in anything we have to say, in every aspect of our life, who is only complimentary, continually smiling at us, paying attention to our every move, who isn't making demands and is not critical, but seems intensely focused on us, -- that can make us feel as high as though we were flying like a super hero.
When it is an attractive person of the opposite sex, not only are we flattered, but suddenly there is a whole new world of possibilities here. It is the thrill of a potential new relationship in which you have the power to fulfill someone's desires and needs and in which all your own dreams and hopes and desires might be fulfilled. It is a potentially imminent validation of your value as a person, of your desirability, and of your worth to another being.

Every day we meet people and, unless we are actively resisting our naturally selfish tendencies, we tend to value a few, usually based on what they might do for us, and to dismiss the rest as ordinary or of no value to us (worthless).

God does not categorize us. We categorize ourselves by our thoughts, our choices and our actions.

"How much less to him that accepts not the persons of princes, nor regards the rich more than the poor? for they all are the work of his hands." (Job 34:19).
"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both you and your seed may live:" (Deu 30:19).
[May God] "Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (Hbr 13:21).

God does not rely on physical impressions, which can be deceptive.
"But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." (1Sa 16:7).
" . . . but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor [humble in spirit] and of a contrite spirit, and trembles at my word." (Isa 66:2).

God values our acquaintance. God feels that each one of us is valuable enough to justify sacrificing his only begotten Son in order for us to have eternal life in his presence.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (Jhn 3:16).

Sometimes we may judge some people as not worth our taking the effort to meet. God makes no such exceptions. We are all in the same category as potential sons of God
"For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.
How think you? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, does he not leave the ninety and nine, and goes into the mountains, and seeks that which is gone astray?
And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoices more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.
Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish." (Mat 18:11-14).


We have nothing to offer him in return except our love, as demonstrated by our obedience.

"Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, You shalt love your neighbor as yourself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." (Mat. 22:36-40).
"If you love me, keep my commandments." (Jhn 14:15 ).
"If you keep my commandments, you shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love." (Jhn 15:10).


The potential benefit to us from this acquaintance is mind-boggling.

"You made him to have dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet: (Psa 8:6).
"You have put all things in subjection under his feet. For in that he put all in subjection under him, he left nothing that is not put under him. But now we see not yet all things put under him." (Hbr 2:8).

He has already given us dominion over the earth and everything in it (Gen. 1:26, 28). What else is there? There is everything we can see beyond this planet, plus the things we cannot see yet, in the dimension of the spirit world.

"But as it is written, Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for them that love him." (1Cr 2:9).
"For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither has the eye seen, O God, beside you, what he has prepared for him that waits for him." (Isa 64:4).


God's impression of us depends on how we approach him.

"Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.
The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank you, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.
I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.
I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalts himself shall be abased; and he that humbles himself shall be exalted." (Luk 18:10-14).


"Hi there (insert your name)! My name is God and I'm excited to finally meet you. I really want to get to know you and spend time with you. I'm interested in anything you have to say. I want to hear about all your hopes and your dreams, your likes and dislikes, what you are feeling and thinking. You don't have anything I need since I already own the universe and everything in it. But if you can learn to love me, I am offering you more than you can ever imagine."

The Dating Parallel

The word dating means different things to different people including:

- a social engagement
- being socially active
- going steady
- courtship
- having sex
- actively looking for a mate
- actively looking for sex

Ideally, dating consists of making social engagements with the opposite sex in order:

1. To serve others by "giving a date". In other words, making sure that the other person has a good time by our being entertaining, courteous, thoughtful, considerate, charming and both interested and interesting.

2. To develop our own personality to be more interesting to others.

3. To experience and to understand all the general types of personalities.

4. To determine which type or types of personalities attract us and which are attracted by us.

5. To develop closer friendships.

6. To determine which type of personality we desire in a mate and as a parent for our children.

And finally,

7. To find a "best friend" who will become our life-long mate.

There are as many different types of dates as there are of people and of things to do:

- eating together, such as having lunch out, coming over for dinner, fancy restaurants.
- sharing entertainment, such as shows, movies, sports events, amusement parks, zoos, etc.
- relaxing together, such as taking a walk, conversation over drinks, lying on the beach.
- sharing ordinary activities, such as shopping, family events, hobbies, or doing laundry.
- romantic times with dancing, moonlight, candlelight, flowers, formal dress, gifts, compliments and lots of personal attention.

These all have, or should have, certain basic things in common:
- an appointment or date is set.
- one purpose is to get to know each other better.
- there is communication both ways.
- it is enjoyable for both parties.

God wants to date us. He has made dates or appointments to get together with us. These dates are so special that they are called "feasts" (Lev. 23) and God repeatedly commands that they be kept as joyous celebrations (Lev. 23:40, Deu. 12:7, 12, 18; 14:26; 16:11, 14, 15; 26:11; 27:7), much like a wedding feast with food, drink and rejoicing.
"Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has made herself ready." (Rev 19:7).
These feast dates are explained in the articles, "These Are My Feasts", and "The Calendar, At a Glance".

It is impossible to get to know someone without spending time together. Seeing someone in different situations, reacting to different personalities and over a long period of time enables us to see past the first impressions, which may be deceptive, and to see the real person.

God wants us to thoroughly enjoy these dates with food, drink and if available, fellowship. He wants us to have a good time. He wants us to get to know him and he wants to get to know us. He wants us to continually draw closer to him, to think of him as our best friend. He is evaluating us, to see if we have the type of personality that he wants in his family because he is looking for a long-term relationship, an eternal one.

When we "date" God, are we a good date? Do we make it enjoyable for him by rejoicing? Are we open, sharing our thoughts and ideas with him? Do we compliment him and express our appreciation for what he does for us? Do we try to make sure that he will want to see us again? Do we demonstrate that we are also interested in a long-term (eternal) relationship? Are we comfortable being associated with him? Are we happy to be seen in his company? Do we value his friendship enough to improve our character to make ourselves more attractive to him?

The Courtship Parallel

Sometimes people go from being strangers directly to courting or marriage. This can be a disadvantage or even a guarantee for failure if the marriage begins on false premises or unrealistic hopes. It takes time to really get to know someone. It takes seeing them in different situations and under different conditions. How do they react to others? How do they behave when they are sick, tired, stressed, hungry, broke, drinking, under pressure, tempted or angry? These are some of the things we should learn during a period of dating.
On the human level, the more dating experience we have, the better the choices we can make. (We are speaking here of social interaction, not sexual experiences.)

At some point, we begin to be more particular about who we date. Our focus becomes narrower as we better understand what we are looking for in friends, in close friends and in a prospective mate.
We "drop the losers" and look for the "winner", someone with whom we share common interests, goals, outlook, and attitude. We lose interest in all the others and want to spend all of our time with the "one".
We begin to make commitment to the "one". We stop dating others. We stop flirting with others. We begin scheduling our time in order to be with the "one" as much as possible.

As we spend more and more time with the "one", we begin to bond with them. There is a unification of the two personalities into one. Our feeling of being "incomplete" diminishes as we find a feeling of "completeness" or wholeness when we are in each other's presence. When we are apart, we again feel incomplete or empty until we are together again. (This is not the same as infatuation which a form of "blindness" combined with selfish desire. Infatuation is a cheap imitation of spiritual bonding.)

The desire to continually be together becomes so strong that we are ready to commit our life to the other person. In effect the "two" have already become "one" on a spiritual level, but custom and some governments insist on a piece of paper and a ceremony to make it "legally binding" in the physical world.

God's intentions when "dating" us are honorable and serious. He offers us a long-term (eternal) relationship. There is nothing in scripture to indicate that God is dating people from other worlds behind our back, as candidates for salvation in place of us. We may choose to reject him, but he is not going to suddenly say one day, "Oh, by the way, I've been seeing someone else and you are the weakest link, Goodbye!".

He wants a relationship in which we are never more than one thought away from him.
"Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;" (Rom 12:12).

He wants us to be constantly aware that regardless of what is happening around us, he is there, like a husband who is ready and able to protect us.
"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he has said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you.
So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." (Heb. 13:4-6).

Bonding (developing a oneness) with God

"And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to you. Holy Father, keep through your own name those whom you have given me, that they may be one, as we are.
That they all may be one; as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that you have sent me.
And the glory which you gave me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:
I in them, and you in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that you have sent me, and have loved them, as you have loved me." (Jn. 17:11, 21-23).

Christ as the "bridegroom".

"You yourselves bear me witness, that I [John] said, I am not the Christ, but that I am sent before him.
He that has the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom's voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled." (Jhn 3:28-29).

"And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber mourn, as long as the bridegroom is with them? but the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken from them, and then shall they fast." (Mat 9:15).

"And, behold, you shall conceive in your womb, and bring forth a son, and shall call his name Jesus.
He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:
And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end." (Lk. 1:31-33).

"Which also said, You men of Galilee, why stand you gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as you have seen him go into heaven." (Acts. 1:11).

"For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:" (1 Ths. 4:16).
"In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed." (1 Cor. 15:52).
"Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord." (1 Ths. 4:17).

"And his feet shall stand in that day upon the mount of Olives, which is before Jerusalem on the east, and the mount of Olives shall cleave in the midst thereof toward the east and toward the west, and there shall be a very great valley; and half of the mountain shall remove toward the north, and half of it toward the south.
And you shall flee to the valley of the mountains; . . . and the Lord my God shall come, and all the saints with thee.
And men shall dwell in it, and there shall be no more utter destruction; but Jerusalem shall be safely inhabited. (Zech. 14:4-5, 11).

"And the seventh angel sounded; and there were great voices in heaven, saying, The kingdoms of this world are become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of his Christ; and he shall reign for ever and ever." (Rev. 11:15).
"Then the moon shall be confounded, and the sun ashamed, when the Lord of hosts shall reign in mount Zion, and in Jerusalem, and before his ancients gloriously." (Isa. 24:23).

"And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God." (Rev. 21:3).

The "Bride"

"And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, and talked with me, saying, Come here, I will show you the bride, the Lamb's wife.
"And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God," (Rev. 21:9-10).


"And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that hear say, Come. And let him that is thirsty come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely." (Rev. 21:17).

"Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has made herself ready.
And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints." (Rev. 19:7-8).

"And has made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen." (Rev. 1:6).
"And has made us unto our God kings and priests: and we shall reign on the earth." (Rev. 5:10).
"Blessed and holy is he that has part in the first resurrection: on such the second death has no power, but they shall be priests of God and of Christ, and shall reign with him a thousand years." (Rev. 20:6).

The Wedding Parallel

After the dating, after the courtship, after all the other possible mates have been rejected in favor of the "one", we don't look back, we look forward to life with the one we have chosen and who has chosen us. There is anticipation of happiness, joy and love. There is excitement. There is some nervousness because the future is subject to many variables and though planned, is still unknown.
Nervousness about the unknown only increases the excitement.
Various pre-wedding details are scheduled. A celebration is planned. Travel is often involved.

A date is set for a wedding, an event at which both parties declare their vows or statements of commitment, or covenant with each other, which is (supposed to be) binding until the death of either party (Rom. 7:12, 1 Cor. 7:39).
It amounts to a proclamation of a relationship which has changed from "two" into "one".
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Gen 2:24).

We have to "choose"

"See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil;" (Deu 30:15).
I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:" (Deu 30:19).

"I am the Lord your God, which have brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage
You shall have no other gods before me
You shall not bow down yourself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
You shall not commit adultery." (Ex. 20:2-3, 5-6, 14).

We are "chosen"

"For many are called, but few are chosen." (Mat 22:14).

"You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you , that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever you shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
If you were of the world, the world would love his own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." (Jhn 15:16,19).

The wedding garments are chosen

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation, he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." (Isa 61:10).

". . . and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."(Isa 62:5).

"Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has made herself ready.
"And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints." (Rev. 19:7-8).

The invitations are published

"And Jesus answered and spoke unto them again by parables, and said,
The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king [God], which made a marriage for his son [Christ],
And sent forth his servants [prophets and disciples] to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.
Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage.
But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:
And the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them [Christ and the prophets].
But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city.
Then said he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden [Israel, or "Jews"] were not worthy.
Go you therefore into the highways, and as many as you shall find ["gentiles", the rest of the world], bid to the marriage.
So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.
And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment [Isa. 61:10]:
And he said unto him, Friend, how came you in here not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.
Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
For many are called, but few are chosen." (Mat 22:1-14).

The doors are closed. Admittance is restricted.

"Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.
They that were foolish took their lamps [*God's law], and took no oil [*spiritual understanding] with them:
But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.
While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.
And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom comes; go you out to meet him.
Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.
And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.
But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go you rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.
And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.
Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.
But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.
Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man comes." (Mat 25:1-13).

*For a complete explanation of the symbolism see:
"Understanding The "Oil" Of The Ten Virgins"

"Let your loins be girded about, and your lights burning;
And you yourselves like unto men that wait for their lord, when he will return from the wedding; that when he comes and knocks, they may open unto him immediately.
Blessed are those servants, whom the lord when he comes shall find watching: verily I say unto you, that he shall gird himself, and make them to sit down to meat, and will come forth and serve them.
And if he shall come in the second watch, or come in the third watch, and find them so, blessed are those servants.
And this know, that if the goodman of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched, and not have suffered his house to be broken through.
Be you therefore ready also: for the Son of man comes at an hour when you think not." (Luke 12:35-40).

"Not every one that says unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that does the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name? and in your name have cast out devils? and in your name done many wonderful works?
And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity." (Mat. 7:21-23).
"Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." (Mat 7:20).

"Hear, O earth: behold, I will bring evil upon this people, even the fruit of their thoughts [Gen. 6:5], because they have not hearkened unto my words, nor to my law, but rejected it." (Jer. 6:19).
"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because you have rejected knowledge, I will also reject you, that you shall be no priest to me: seeing you have forgotten the law of your God, I will also forget your children." (Hosea 4:6).

The Celebration

"Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has made herself ready.
And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.
And he said unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he said unto me, These are the true sayings of God." (Rev. 19:7-9).



A spiritual covenant not a physical marriage

"For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven." (Mat. 22:30).

"Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom you seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom you delight in: behold, he shall come, says the Lord of hosts." (Mal. 3:1).

"And his [John's] father Zacharias was filled with the Holy Ghost, and prophesied, saying,
Blessed be the Lord God of Israel; for he has visited and redeemed his people,
And has raised up an horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David;
As he spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets, which have been since the world began:
That we should be saved from our enemies, and from the hand of all that hate us;
To perform the mercy promised to our fathers, and to remember his holy covenant;
The oath which he swore to our father Abraham,
That he would grant unto us, that we being delivered out of the hand of our enemies might serve him without fear,
In holiness and righteousness before him, all the days of our life.
And you, child, shalt be called the prophet of the Highest: for you shall go before the face of the Lord to prepare his ways;
To give knowledge of salvation unto his people by the remission of their sins," (Luke 1:67-77).

"And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Zion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob:
For this is my covenant unto them, when I shall take away their sins." (Rom. 11:26-27).

"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:" (Heb. 8:10).

"Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant,
Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (Heb. 13:20-21).

The Honeymoon

There are two suggested origins of the honeymoon tradition. The first is attributed to northern Europe and to Babylon about 4,000 years ago. The custom was for newly married couples to drink "milheglin", a mead/wine made from honey. This was done for about thirty days or one lunar (moon) month, thus, the term "honey month" or "honeymoon".

The second explanation involves Northern Europe and the taking of brides by kidnapping. It was necessary for the groom to hide his bride until the bride's family stopped searching or until she was pregnant, after which the groom returned to his own people and arranged a "bridal price". Here, the "honeymoon" meant "hiding".

Today we think of it as a time of privacy for the couple and their private celebration, time devoted to each other in the absence of regular responsibilities, and extra time for passion and intimacy. It often involves travel to someplace special or new. Spending a whole month hiding and drinking choice alcoholic beverages is optional.

When God told Moses to bring the nation of Israel out of Egypt, the Israelites were willing but the Egyptians, who held the Israelites in slavery (just as females then were considered property), were not willing to let them go. Like parents who object to a particular marriage proposal for their daughter, the Egyptians repeatedly rejected the release of the Israelites (Ex. 5-12).
Under great duress by divine plagues, they finally agreed to the release, and Israel fled Egypt by night (Ex. 12:31, 42, Deu. 16:1) to meet her "husband" (Eph. 5:23) in the wilderness (Ex. 5:1; 16:1) where he made a "marriage" covenant with "her" (Ex.19:5).
Among some nations, if a daughter marries contrary to her parents' wishes, the "cultural traditions" allow or even call for the daughter to be killed. We see that Pharoah pursued Israel with a military "strike force" of horses and chariots (Ex. 14) but he and his army were killed by the "groom" and the "marriage" took place as planned.

While it was more of a "hiding" than a "honeymoon", the "bride" and "groom" spent the next 40 years "traveling" and camping (Num. 33) in the relative privacy of a "wilderness" (Ex15- Deu. 33).

Sometime in the future, God will once again take his "bride" into hiding, in the wilderness.

"As I live, saith the Lord God, surely with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out, will I rule over you:
And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein you are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
And I will bring you into the wilderness of the people, and there will I plead with you face to face.
Like as I pleaded with your fathers in the wilderness of the land of Egypt, so will I plead with you, saith the Lord God.
And I will cause you to pass under the rod, and I will bring you into the bond of the covenant:
And you shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall bring you into the land of Israel, into the country for the which I lifted up mine hand to give it to your fathers." (Eze. 29:33-37, 42).

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.
And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt.
And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that you shall call me Ishi [husband]; and shall call me no more Baali [lord].
And in that day will I make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, and with the fowls of heaven, and with the creeping things of the ground: and I will break the bow and the sword and the battle out of the earth, and will make them to lie down safely.
And I will betroth you unto me for ever; yes, I will betroth you unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies.
I will even betroth you unto me in faithfulness: and you shall know the Lord.
And I will sow her unto me in the earth; and I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy; and I will say to them which were not my people, You are my people; and they shall say, You are my God." (Hosea 2:14-20, 23).

"And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she has a place prepared of God, that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days.
And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent." (Rev. 12:6, 14).

Reality Sets In

The better a couple knows one another before the marriage, the fewer unpleasant surprises there are after the wedding.

God wasn't surprised at Israel's bad behavior (Ex. 4:8-9; 13:17; 14:10-12). But Israel was apparently surprised at what was required of them. Had they known God better, perhaps they would not have been so surprised, or at least they would have been better prepared to deal with it.

For instance picture the Exodus, Pharoah's mighty army of chariots and horsemen is charging toward the Israelites, thundering hooves, the roar of iron rims on the rocky ground, the drivers yelling, urging their teams to speed, whips cracking, (the chariot race in the movie, "Ben Hur"), the ground vibrates for a great distance when horses run, (it's a thrilling sound , unless of course they're coming to kill you). Because of the nearby water, the sound would carry easily, it's deafening, but the Israelites could also SEE them coming. The sunlight would be flashing off their armor and weapons. The mighty Pharoah and his warriors would HAVE their revenge for the deaths of their firstborn! The Israelites just KNOW they are about to DIE!
Moses is standing on a rise, death is thundering toward them, all Israel is looking at Moses......a voice calls out from the crowd, ............

....... "We TOLD you we didn't want to come on this trip!"

ROFLOL :-)
(Was it his wife? Perhaps his mother-in-law? We don't even have to make this stuff up, it's right there in Ex.14:12.)

"We had good jobs in the brick business in Egypt! And YOU had to bring us out here for what? For target practice for the Egyptians? And this isn't even the right way to Canaan! We told you we should have turned left at Succoth. But, NOOOOOO, you wouldn't even stop to ask directions when we passed Etham! "Gotta make Pihahiroth by dark.", you said! Blah, blah blah........."

Meanwhile the Egyptians are still thundering toward them.

The Israelites are thinking,"The promises to Abraham,...We waited 430 years.....There was supposed to be a promised land.....All those plagues...We got all this neat stuff from the Egyptians....And now....And now....NOW WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
The noise of the approaching strike force fades into the background as the wailing voices and the ripping of garments increases, cries of anguish, screams of desperation and accusations against Moses..... "."
(From "Exodus, The Rest of the Story")

You know the honeymoon is over when "the lovely vision in white" turns into "THE BRIDE FROM HELL!!!" In Israel's case, the wedding hadn't even taken place yet when the complaining, the whining criticism and the murderous screaming began.

It wasn't a one time incident either. The Israelites of the Exodus generation never seemed to let an opportunity for complaining escape them.

"And the Lord said unto Moses, How long will this people provoke me? and how long will it be before they believe me, for all the signs which I have showed among them?
Because all those men which have seen my glory, and my miracles, which I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and have tempted me now these ten times, and have not hearkened to my voice;" (Num 14:11, 22).

Instead of being thankful for deliverance and trusting God to provide for them, they complained, they were fearful and things always got worse before they got better.

If the camp of Israel would have had background music, perhaps they would have heard the following song playing.

"I beg your pardon
I never promised you a rose garden
Along with the sunshine
There's gotta be a little rain some time

When you take you gotta give so live and let live
Or let go oh whoa whoa whoa
I beg your pardon
I never promised you a rose garden

I could promise you things like big diamond rings
But you don't find roses growin' on stalks of clover
So you better think it over
Well if sweet talkin' you could make it come true
I would give you the world right now on a silver platter
But what would it matter

So smile for a while and let's be jolly
Love shouldn't be so melancholy
Come along and share the good times while we can

I beg your pardon
I never promised you a rose garden
Along with the sunshine
There's gotta be a little rain some time

(Instrumental)

I beg your pardon
I never promised you a rose garden

I could sing you a tune and promise you the moon
But if that's what it takes to hold you
I'd just as soon let you go
But there's one thing I want you to know

You better look before you leap, still waters run deep
And there won't always be someone there to pull you out
And you know what I'm talkin' about
So smile for a while and let's be jolly
Love shouldn't be so melancholy
Come along and share the good times while we can

I beg your pardon
I never promised you a rose garden
(Fade)
Along with the sunshine
There's gotta be a little rain some time"

"Rose Garden"
Written by Joe South & B. Harris
Performed by Lynn Anderson

God promised the nation of Israel, a "promised land". He did not promise first class seating on the Concorde to get there.

What Israel heard was "milk and honey" (Ex. 3:8 + 19 other verses).
What God said was "a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites." (Ex. 3:8 + 2 other verses). In other words, there was milk and honey and it was being held by people who were armed and dangerous.

Ideally, couples learn to communicate effectively before marriage. In reality, most spend the first years of their marriage trying to understand each other and frequently just being confused. The divorce rate varies from about half to over half, illustrating that many couples never learn how to communicate. The reality of their marriage is something less than what they had imagined during the infatuation of courtship.

A large part of this is due to the difference between what we say and what others hear. That difference is greater between opposite sexes and is a problem mainly between those who are married to each other. He says, "pppppp" but she hears "qqqqqq" which is similar but different.
He isn't careful about his tone of voice or the look on his face, or his timing, and she hears the exact opposite of what his words literally mean. She says, "abc", but what she means is "abcdefghijklmonpqrstuvwxyz" squared by pi, but only on days ending in "y" unless the humidity causes a bad hair day in which case drop "y" and add "ies". But all he hears is "abc" and the rest is lost on him.

He says "abc" and all he meant was "abc" and perhaps only "ab" or even just "a", but she hears "a-z" and so on.

Between man and God, the difference between what God said and what mankind hears is illustrated by the existence of over 38,000 different "Christian" denominations and the fact that some of them are more than willing to kill each other.

For couples who never learn to communicate, some choose escape by divorce. If they have learned anything, perhaps the next marriage will work better, or maybe the one after that, and on and on.
Some, whose fear of being alone exceeds their feeling of repulsion for their mate, or who refuse to admit their own failure, may choose to stay in the marriage just for the fulfillment of some of their needs and so it becomes a "business arrangement" rather than a true marriage in the sense of "oneness" which God commanded.

When the realities of their marriage kick in, each one faces the choices of whether to stay or go, to try to dominate or to serve their mate, to compromise or be stubborn, to participate in the marriage or to mentally hide from their mate.

Reality is simply understanding the truth. God offers us understanding if we desperately seek it (see all of Proverbs).

When reality replaces imagination it opens the door for contempt. ("I thought he would be a great lover, but he only lasts 15 minutes. What a bum.". "She always dressed and groomed like a model, now she dresses and smells like my grandmother.")
After seeing first hand, all the miracles in Egypt which facilitated their freedom, they murmured, complained, and they even had an idol-centered orgy while Moses was on the mountain getting the details of the "marriage covenant" (Ex. 32).

God knew what he was getting into with Israel (Ex. 4:1-9) but he chose to do it anyway. That still didn't stop him from being "tempted" to call the whole thing off (Ex. 32:10). Even God's patience has limits (Num. 14).

Even if God had made everything perfect for the Exodus, the Israelites would probably have rebelled. We know this because of Satan's actions. Created perfect and in a perfect world, he still wasn't satisfied or happy. And his sin came from within. (Eze. 28:15).
The Israelites were far from perfect.

And we are not perfect when we begin our marriages.

When the thrill of newness and mystery wears off, and familiarity sets in, we become subject to having contempt for one another. Instead of being mindful of a human relationship based on vows to God, we begin to think of it as merely a human relationship based on social customs and "temporary legal vows" (unless of course the part about "before God" was meaningless to us from the start).
As the problems increase in the relationship, we begin to, at least mentally, compile a list of additional "conditions" for the contract: "I'm not doing that.", "Either you do this or else.", "My way or the highway.". The selfishness overcomes the attraction and our willingness to yield, to give, and to sacrifice. The true love, if it was ever there, gives way to selfishness. If we feel betrayed, the love can even become hatred.

We begin to take one another for granted. The unselfish service and considerations by our mate, which we greatly appreciated at first, are now considered duties and mandatory obligations and we are often unwilling to settle for anything less.
(It is common human nature to confuse exceptional benefits with "rights". We Americans, who enjoy more benefits than any other people, have the longest list of alleged "rights" of anyone on earth.)

Israel took God for granted. They expected food and water to always be immediately available and when it wasn't, instead of politely asking and demonstrating faith and patience, they complained and became ugly (Ex. 16). Instead of seeking knowledge about their mate, they just made assumptions based on their own selfish wants.

Israel didn't really know the One they were engaged to marry. They didn't know his nature, his requirements, his expectations, his patience, or his limits. They didn't even know his work schedule (Ex. 20:9 + six other verses).

Israel had an unrealistic concept of the relationship. God said "bbbbbb" but they heard "ddd" which was something different and less. They heard the part about "milk and honey" but they didn't pay attention to the part about "six days shall you work". They heard the part about "I am your God." but they didn't believe the part about "You shall have no other gods." Israel thought that an "all powerful" God would just automatically do everything for them, so that they didn't have to do anything for themselves. They heard the part about "leaving Egypt", but they didn't understand about "leaving Egyptian culture, and pagan practices behind". They heard God say, "I will be your God.", but they didn't understand the full implications of "you shall be my people".

When Christ returns for his "bride" will things be any different? He asked the same question.
". . . Nevertheless when the Son of man comes, shall he find faith on the earth?" (Luk 18:8).

We do not wonder that the Egyptians did not understand God's program for Israel. Do we think about the significance of the fact that even though the Israelites were taken out of Egypt, that they didn't understand enough to avoid death in the wilderness, and being forbidden from entering the "promised land"? Do we think about the fact that they left Egypt, and wandered for 40 years, following God, doing "right" as they understood it, (some of them) obeying God enough to avoid death by plague, snakes, or fire and brimstone, and yet, the door to the promises was closed in their face?
Will it be any different when Christ returns?

"Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name? and in your name have cast out devils? and in your name done many wonderful works?
And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity." (Mat 7:22-23).
Christ is talking here, not about "spiritual Egyptians", but about "spiritual Israelites", "followers of God" who have spent their "40 years" of being a "Christian" in the "wilderness" of "this present evil world" (Gal. 1:4) only to be told at Christ's return that they will not be allowed into his Kingdom.

The Israelites of the Exodus, who did not do all that God commanded, were told that because of their disobedience, they would die in the wilderness and not be allowed to enter into the "promised land" (Num. 14:35).
In Mat. 7:22-23, Christ is telling us that some "spiritual Israelites", in spite of their "many wonderful works", will not be admitted into his Kingdom.

This is both a warning and a prophecy. Those who heed the warning won't be the ones who are agonizingly disappointed that they have fulfilled this prophecy.

"Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." (2Ti 3:7).

What about after Christ has been on the earth for awhile? Can familiarity breed contempt even in the presence of God?

"And I saw an angel come down from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand.
And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years,
And cast him into the bottomless pit, and shut him up, and set a seal upon him, that he should deceive the nations no more, till the thousand years should be fulfilled: and after that he must be loosed a little season.
And I saw thrones, and they sat upon them, and judgment was given unto them: and I saw the souls of them that were beheaded for the witness of Jesus, and for the word of God, and which had not worshiped the beast, neither his image, neither had received his mark upon their foreheads, or in their hands; and they lived and reigned with Christ a thousand years.
But the rest of the dead lived not again until the thousand years were finished. This is the first resurrection.
Blessed and holy is he that has part in the first resurrection: on such the second death has no power, but they shall be priests of God and of Christ, and shall reign with him a thousand years.
And when the thousand years are expired, Satan shall be loosed out of his prison,
And shall go out to deceive the nations which are in the four quarters of the earth, Gog and Magog, to gather them together to battle: the number of whom is as the sand of the sea.
And they went up on the breadth of the earth, and compassed the camp of the saints about, and the beloved city: and fire came down from God out of heaven, and devoured them." (Rev. 29:1-9).

After Christ has ruled on the earth for 1,000 years, there is another rebellion. The prophecy indicates that the entire earth, outside of the city of Jerusalem, will be covered in fire to destroy those in rebellion against God.

"Reality. What a concept!" . . . Robin Williams.

 

Adultery - the only grounds for divorce.

"You shall not commit adultery." (Ex. 20:14).

"And the man that commits adultery with another man's wife, even he that commits adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death." (Lev 20:10).

"But whoso commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding: he that does it destroys his own soul." (Pro 6:32).

"And I [Christ] say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away does commit adultery." (Mat 19:9).
["But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
. . . He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." (Mat 19:11, 12).]

"And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also." (Jer 3:8).
"How shall I pardon you for this? your children have forsaken me, and sworn by them that are no gods: when I had fed them to the full, they then committed adultery, and assembled themselves by troops in the harlots' houses." (Jer 5:7).
"Will you steal, murder, and commit adultery, and swear falsely, and burn incense unto Baal, and walk after other gods whom ye know not;" (Jer 7:9).

"Now when I passed by you, and looked upon you, behold, your time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over you, and covered your nakedness: yes, I swore unto you, and entered into a covenant with you, saith the Lord God, and you became mine." (Eze 16:8).
"How weak is your heart, saith the Lord God, seeing you do all these things, the work of an imperious whorish woman;"
In that you build your eminent place in the head of every way, and make your high place [of worship] in every street; and has not been as an harlot, in that you scorn hire;
But as a wife that commits adultery, which takes strangers [false gods] instead of her husband!" (Eze 16:30-32). (See also all of Eze. 16, and rev. 2:20-23).

"Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? yet my people have forgotten me days without number." (Jer 2:32).

"It has been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery." (Mat 5:31-32).
You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Mat 5:27-28).

Ancient Israel committed spiritual adultery with false gods and by looking to other nations as "lovers" to deliver them out of their international and domestic troubles.
For today's "spiritual Israel", nothing has changed. This fulfills the second part of some of the dual prophecies of the Bible.

Reconciliation

"Blow you the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in my holy mountain: let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of the Lord comes, for it is nigh at hand;
Therefore also now, says the Lord, turn you even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning:
And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repents him of the evil.
Blow the trumpet in Zion, sanctify a fast, call a solemn assembly:
Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, assemble the elders, gather the children, and those that suck the breasts: let the bridegroom go forth of his chamber, and the bride out of her closet." (Joel 2:1, 12-16).

"And he said, A certain man had two sons:
And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that fall to me. And he divided unto them his living.
And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.
And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.
And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before you,
And am no more worthy to be called your son: make me as one of your hired servants.
And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight, and am no more worthy to be called your son.
But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
And bring here the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry." (Luk 15:11-24).

 

Getting past the "doorman"

Exclusive nightclubs have a "doorman" who decides who gets in the door and who doesn't . How will Christ recognize those whom he will allow into the marriage supper? (Mat. 7:22-23; 25:1-13).

Will we have "dated" and "communicated" with God enough for him to "know" us. Will we have improved our character enough that he will feel confident that he can trust us? Will we have demonstrated that we have not only "heard" but have correctly "understood" everything he has said and continues to say through his prophets? Will we have put away our physical and spiritual fornication and adultery? Will we have reconciled ourselves to him?
Will we remember to avoid taking him for granted? Do we have a realistic understanding of God's view of the relationship so that the honeymoon will not turn into a trip through "death valley" and ending at the "lake of fire"?

What are the elements of a good relationship?

Emotional intimacy: intimacy means total life sharing, to feel what the other is feeling, to know what the other is thinking, to know how the other will react. It is a closeness that makes two feel as one, that each is part of the other, that neither is whole alone. It means being attuned to the other person, having an awareness of their emotions and needs.

"The simplest and most understandable way I have ever heard intimacy described is by breaking the word down: in-to-me-see. That is what intimacy is about - allowing another person to see into us, sharing who we are with another person."
Fear of Intimacy - the wounded heart of codependency
by Robert Burney M. A.

"And the Lord said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;" (Ex. 3:7).

Getting this close to someone increases our risk of being hurt. And emotional pain can discourage us from letting anyone get this close again. Previous bad experiences with religious leaders or groups which disappointed us or betrayed us tend to make us wary of trusting people. We should not blame God for "false prophets" or "false brethren", since he warned us about them (Mat. 24:11; Gal. 2:4). God wants a direct relationship with us, not one conducted through intermediaries.

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you that kill the prophets, and stones them which are sent unto you, how often would I have gathered your children together, even as a hen gathers her chickens under her wings, and you would not!" (Mat 23:37).

Our own human nature is an obstacle to intimacy.

"And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually." (Gen 6:5).

"And as it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man.
They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.
Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built;
But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all.
Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed." (Luke 17:26-30).


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isa. 55:8-9).
"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:" (Phil. 2:5-6).

"And be not conformed to this world: but be you transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (Rom 12:2).

"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:" (Hbr 8:10).

"Long ago the Lord said to Israel: "I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself."" (Jer. 31:3, NLT).

There is also the physical intimacy of touching another being by a handshake, a hug, a pat on the back, grasping the arm or an intimate embrace. Through physical contact there is an increased awareness of the life force in another being. Touching another human being is unlike touching any other living creature. There is a recognition of sameness, a recognition of a shared "image".

"Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it does not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is." (1Jo 3:2).

Trust: confidence that the other will never leave nor forsake you, even if far away, he/she is as close as your thoughts, that he is in you and you are in him. It is knowing that you will not lie to him, deceive him, mislead him, betray him, or choose someone else over him or in place of him/her.

"And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.
And the angel of the Lord called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.
And he said, Lay not your hand upon the lad, neither do you any thing unto him: for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son from me." (Gen 22:10-12).

"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as you have: for he has said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you." (Heb. 13:5).



Dependency and support: a husband wants to be the white knight, the protector, provider, shield, the rock, the hero, comforter, and strength for his mate. He wants to be the one upon whom she depends. He wants to be her support. She wants to be the one who comforts him, soothes him, relaxes him, and entertains him. She wants to feel needed and necessary. We all want someone who is dependable and we want to know that someone considers us to be dependable. We crave both to support and to be supported.

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Heb. 4:16).

"(For the Lord your God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake you, neither destroy you, nor forget the covenant of your fathers which he swore unto them." (Deu 4:31).

"And he said, Lord God of Israel, there is no God like you, in heaven above, or on earth beneath, who keeps covenant and mercy with your servants that walk before you with all their heart:" (1Ki 8:23).

"Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away." (Mat 24:35).
"God is faithful, by whom you were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord." (1Cr 1:9).
"There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1Cr 10:13).
"[Even] If we believe not, yet he (remains) faithful: he cannot deny himself." (2Ti 2:13).
"For the Lord is our defense; and the Holy One of Israel is our King." (Psa 89:18).
"For the Lord will not cast off his people, neither will he forsake his inheritance." (Psa 94:14).

"He has remembered his covenant for ever, the word which he commanded to a thousand generations." (Psa 105:8).
"Which covenant he made with Abraham, and his oath unto Isaac;" (Psa 105:9).

"He will not suffer your foot to be moved: he that keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he that keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep." (Psa 121:3-4).
"The Lord shall preserve you from all evil: he shall preserve your soul." (Psa 121:7).
"The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore." (Psa 121:8).

Righteous jealousy: He wants to be your best friend above all others. He wants you to adore him, to miss him when apart, to hurry back to him, to see you smile with love and affection whenever he approaches. He wants to know that you are proud to be seen with him, that he is the most important person in your world, that you value his opinion, that you want to please him, that you want to change to please him, that you will sacrifice anything and everything including your life in order to make him happy.

[In an ideal human relationship, both give 100%. Both feel this way toward the other. Anything less is an imbalance and the marriage suffers accordingly.]

"You shall not bow down yourself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;" (Exd 20:5).
"For you shall worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:" (Exd 34:14).
'For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God." (Deu 4:24).
"For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ." (2Cr 11:2).

The desire for adoration (worship): we want to feel loved by our mate, to feel appreciated, valued, cherished, and interesting above all others.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (Jhn 3:16).

"But this thing commanded I them, saying, Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people: and walk you in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be well unto you." (Jer 7:23).

The desire for obedience (subservience):

Americans are taught from birth that all men are equal. The thought that someone is superior is repugnant to us. We would be repulsed by the thought of bowing or kneeling before our neighbor, our boss, or our friends. Part of this is the dislike of unfairness. Part is the human nature, vanity and contempt which can come from familiarity. When we are toddlers, our parents are gods, all powerful, all knowing, providers, protectors, creators, sources of comfort, of food and of all good things. When we are teens, our parents are stupid, out of date, out of touch, ignorant, uncaring, unfeeling, and selfish. But our parent's problems diminish as we get older and by the time we are 30, they've gotten almost as smart as we imagine ourselves to be. The older we get, the more we realize their wisdom and how much we agree with them. By then, our own children think that we are ignorant, and the cycle begins again.

As parents we require our children to obey us for their own safety and benefit. It is because we are older, wiser, experienced and we are serving their best interests. It is not or should not be just because we call ourselves "parents". God doesn't want obedience just because he's bigger or older or more powerful, but because he is wiser and knows what is best for us even if we disagree or get mad like a overly emotional teenager.

In a marriage relationship there is a degree of equality and a degree of mutual submission. As long as love is the primary emotion, there are no problems that cannot be resolved. Leadership is determined by service. We are willing to obey when we know that it is in our best interest. When we are acting in the best interests of our mate or our children, we appreciate cooperation and agreement (obedience).

"And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant:" (Mat 20:27).
We can never serve God more than he has already served us and continues to serve us, therefore he will always be "chief" among us.

The desire for input, opinions, suggestions and preferences: God wants us to talk to him, he wants to hear from us, he wants to hear about our wants, needs and desires. He is willing to change his mind if we can give a good reason (Gen. 18:20-33; Ex. 32:7-14). He gives us these opportunities. He does not want mindless obedience or he could have just created robots. He wants active participation in the relationship. Just because he doesn't always agree with us, doesn't mean that he isn't interested, that our opinion is worthless, or that he doesn't want to hear it, or that it is a waste of time. To give up and quit offering suggestions is a withdrawal from participation. It indicates a change from active partner to mindless servant. Christ does not consider us as "servants", unworthy of being informed, but as "friends" which whom to share everything.

"Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knows not what his lord does: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you." (Jhn 15:15).

Just because our present idea, suggestion or desire is immature, not well thought out, impractical, harmful, or just plain stupid, and God says "No.", doesn't mean that our next idea will be rejected. Teenagers grow up to be competent adults. We are to grow up into "the fullness of Christ".

"Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:" (Eph 4:13).

The desire for a long term (permanent) relationship with shared values, interests and goals.

God values perfect character, truthfulness, honesty, unselfishness, love, mercy, kindness, patience. These are his values.(Gal. 5:22-23; Col. 3:12-15; Eph. 5:9).

God has many interests, look at how much he has created: galaxies, planets, spacescapes, the earth, mountains, rivers, oceans, forests, and every creature that exists therein. He created all the sciences, the arts, technology, music, language, and greatest among all these things, the human mind.

God has goals. He works toward those goals. One of them is building a family with the family relationship of marriage between husband and wife, the relationship of having sons and daughters and the relationship of parent and child, of Father and son.

The desire to provide an inheritance to a legacy:

We understand the term "the house of Windsor" to refer to a patriarch and his descendants, in this case, a "noble" personage and the titles, lands, estates and heritage associated with it.

"And I [God] will make your [Abraham's] seed to multiply as the stars of heaven, and will give unto your seed all these countries; and in your seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed;" (Gen 26:4).
"And your [Abraham's] seed shall be as the dust of the earth, and you shall spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the north, and to the south: and in you and in your seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed." (Gen. 28:14).
"Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall your seed be." (Rom 4:18).

"For you are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.
For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
And if you be Christ's, then are you Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." (Gal 3:26-29).
"For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren." (Rom 8:29).

The "house of God" is more than just a building. Christ explained that before his crucifixion, when he said, "Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up." (Jn. 2:19) a reference to his own death and resurrection.

"You made him [mankind] to have dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all [earthly] things under his feet:" (Psa 8:6).

"For he has put all things under his feet. But when he says all things are put under him, it is manifest that he [God] is excepted, which did put all things under him." (1Cr 15:27).

"You have put all [earthly] things in subjection under his feet. For in that he put all in subjection under him, he left nothing that is not put under him. But now we see not yet all things [in the universe] put under him." (Heb. 2:8).

Riding off into the sunset: The road to eternity.

"And they all lived happily ever after."

"And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God." (Rev 21:1-3).

"And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it." (Rev 21:22).

"He that overcomes shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son." (Rev 21:7).

Would you be willing to spend eternity with someone who:

- always responds to you with patience and kindness, and forgiveness that forgets the past,

- is never envious of you, never boastful, never prideful,

- always puts your interests first

- is never rude, deceptive or selfish,

- is slow to anger and never thinks evil of you,

- is never deceitful but always truthful,

- always protects you, trusts you, hopes for your good,

- endures with you through all things,

- and loves you with a love that will never fail?

This is the relationship God seeks with us. This isn't hard to accept since it is all "in coming".

But this is also the relationship he instructs us to learn to have with each other (I Cor.13:4-7). By demonstrating it toward each other ("out-going"), we demonstrate to him that we are capable of having the same relationship toward him. If we demonstrate anything less to others, why should he expect anything different from us?

God doesn't want an "owner-pet" relationship with us or all we would need to learn is to "Sit!", "Fetch!", "Stay!", [even though this is taught in some churches]. Neither does he want sons and daughters in his kingdom that treat each other with anything less than a true and loving husband-wife relationship. Regardless of our spiritual self-image, God sees the manner in which we, in our hearts, relate to each other (especially to our marriage partners) as proof of how we truly relate to him.

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me." (Mat 25:40).

This is the challenging part, to demonstrate love in each of these ways to others, especially those who may not always be demonstrating it toward us. In most cases where others are not showing us love, we can leave and avoid them in the future. We may not learn anything or develop any Godly character this way, but we can at least escape the unpleasantness.
But in the marriage relationship, it is not legal in God's sight, nor is it always permissible to either physically or mentally run away and hide. Marriages are a challenge, and an opportunity to learn to love unselfishly. Marriages are among the "talents" (Mat. 25:14-30) or "pounds" (Luke 19:11-27) by which God judges whether we are "profitable servants" or not.

The typical marriage vows include, "for better, for worse, in sickness, and in health". How many hear only the part about "better, and health", and don't hear the part about the "sickness, and worse"?
Perhaps we would not be so quick to rush into marriages and perhaps there would be fewer divorces if the following instructions, which apply to all of our relationships, were a part of every wedding ceremony:

"But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
And as you would that men should do to you, do you also to them likewise.
For if you love them which love you, what thanks have you? for sinners also love those that love them.
And if you do good to them which do good to you, what thanks have you? for sinners also do even the same.
And if you lend to them of whom you hope to receive, what thanks have you? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.
But love you your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and you shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
Be you therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
Judge not, and you shall not be judged: condemn not, and you shall not be condemned: forgive, and you shall be forgiven:
Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you mete withal it shall be measured to you again." (Luk 6:27-28, 31-38).

Our marriages may never be perfect but they will be more perfect in direct proportion to the effort each person puts into the relationship. One person cannot make a marriage perfect but he or she can make their part of it perfect according to God's instructions, regardless of the actions of their mate. We shall not be judged by the sins of another person, but we shall be judged by our own sins, including sins of omission, such as failing to do our part, or making excuses by blaming others.

"The soul that sins, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him." (Eze 18:20).

How important is it to learn to have loving relationships?

Paul told the church at Corinth, "And now abides faith, hope, charity [love], these three; but the greatest of these is charity [love]." (1Cr 13:13).
We know salvation comes by faith (Eph. 2:8). Now consider that love, which is demonstrated (or not) in all of our relationships, is "greater", or more important than our faith. Without love, faith is dead.

"But will you know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?
For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also." (Jam 2:20, 26).

Love is one of the good "works". Our relationship with God must be based on love. Our relationships with others must be based on love. Love is the basis for all of God's laws.

"Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, You shall love your neighbour as yourself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." (Mat 22:36-40).

"He which testifies these things says, Surely I come quickly.
Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus."
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen." (Rev 22:20-21).

Articles

SiteMap

Humor

TopicGuides

StudyGuides

ContactUs

Copyright 2002, M.H. and G.H. All rights reserved.