Better Living Through Rationalizations???
It's All About "The Cookies"
It is an accepted truth that "everyone lies". It is an alleged truth that no one wants to be lied to. Academic and professional surveys show that most people consider themselves to be more truthful than everyone else. These studies also show that, including "white lies", everyone lies in 30% of their interactions. This does not include the number of lies we tell ourselves, an act so subjective that it may not be measurable.
How does society function with these contradictory "truths" about lying?It functions through rationalization.
Rationalization can be explained as:1. Soothing the conscience through creative imagination.
Example: I found the cookies hidden in my sister's room. Mom must have known I would be doing this and left the cookies to distract me.
2. Fictionalizing one's perception to justify one's actions or decisions.
Example: The cookies and I were in the same vicinity, therefore they were my cookies.
3. Convoluted but creative reasoning to sell yourself or others, a lie.Example: If I hadn't eaten them, my sister would have eaten them and become fat, therefore I sacrificed myself.
4. Defending your actions and decisions by redefining the elements (causes, results, risks, benefits, pertinent factors, relationships, reality, etc.).
Example, (redefined risks): I ate the cookies to prevent space aliens from getting them.
(redefined causes): I ate the cookies because people in India are starving.
(redefined results): After eating all the cookies, my belly aches due to not having enough cookies to eat.
(redefined benefits): Eating the cookies will help the national economy.
(redefined factors): I accidentally tripped and fell face first into the cookies. It was a choice of eat or die".
(redefined relationships): I thought, "Be the cookie." And suddenly the cookie "became me".
(redefined reality): (After eating messy cookies.) There is no chocolate on my face.
Or) It was put there by space aliens.
Or) It's not really chocolate.
(Or) Some observe Ash Wednesday, my religion observes Chocolate Thursday.
5. Justifying an ignoble action by claiming a noble cause, while pretending that personal benefit is not a factor.
Example: Your fiance serves you his mother's cookies, which taste like chemical waste. What do you do?Option A: You tell the truth. Your fiance is outraged. His mother is hurt. Your engagement is in trouble. Seems like everyone loses.
Option B: You lie. You gag, swallow, smile and say to his mother, "Excellent." Seems like everyone wins.
So you rationalize the lying by thinking, "It's to prevent their embarrassment." But the real reason is to protect yourself and your engagement.
Option C: You lie about the cookies. Sometime later, your fiance and his mother recognize you in an episode of "America's Most Wanted". You claim the deception was only "to prevent their embarrassment". They are both outraged and scream at you, "Liar!". As you are led away in handcuffs, you yell back, "I also lied about the cookies!".
So what is the difference between a "little white lie" and a "giant honking black lie"? To answer that, we must understand "rationalization".
Rationalization comes from "rational", which is defined as "having reason or understanding; (being) sane". (The opposite would be "irrational" or "insane".)
But "to rationalize" means to make something (irrational) appear rational or reasonable; to justify (as one's behavior or weaknesses); and to find plausible but untrue reasons for conduct.In other words, people who possess reason, use it to make the unreasonable appear reasonable.
They use (false) reasoning to make the irrational appear rational.
They use (false) reasoning to find plausible sounding reasons for what is otherwise (even to themselves) unacceptable conduct.So, whether we lie in order to steal the cookies, or lie about having eaten the cookies, or lie about the quality of the cookies, we use rationalization to make the irrationality or insanity appear to be rational or sane.
When we lie to others, we are trying to sell them insanity.
When we lie to ourselves, such as during our rationalizations, it is insanity.
"White lies" and "black lies" are about rationalizations. Lying in any color is a form of insanity.
The primary reasons for lying are: 1) to escape punishment or other negative results, in other words, self-protection; 2) to acquire something otherwise not attainable, in other words, theft by deception of others; and 3) justification by rationalization, either to others or to self (self-deception).
Every lie told falls into one or more of these three categories.(If you doubt that, we can prove it through rationalization. ;-)These can also be expressed as: 1) I didn't eat (steal) the cookies, but they were really excellent cookies!; 2) I told them that I was from the Government and that I had a warrant for the cookies.; and 3) There is a very good reason for every thing I did regarding the cookies, and I fully believe that I am not a liar.
The next time you think about telling anyone including yourself, a lie, remember that it is a form of insanity and that, "It's always about the cookies!".
Copyright 2001. M.H. and G.H. All rights reserved.
For more on lying, see: The Whole Sin Catalog: The Oral Sins: Lying
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