Hey!, Wanna See Some Sin?
"Cry aloud, spare not, lift up your voice like a trumpet and show my people their transgressions and . . . their sins." Isa. 58:1.
22. Lies
22. 14b. Page 2. Pathological Dishonesty, "Convenient Disremembering"
"THE PATHOLOGICAL DISHONESTY DISEASE"
". . . About five years ago I went through the breakup of a small company. See if the following story strikes any chords with you.
During some financial rough times, one partner in our little design company . . . attacked another, and threatened to quit if the second partner was not ejected. As discussion ensued and threats and counterthreats were made over the following weeks, very strange things started to happen. As the group continued to discuss ongoing events, I started to feel as if there was something wrong with my mind, because some of the events that the group was discussing had never occurred. Other events being discussed were totally different than I remembered them. I began questioning peoples' memory during meetings, and I found that the rest of the group maintained a solid concensus agreement about several past events which were very different than my own recollections. Also, several real events which I remembered quite clearly were denied by the group as never having occurred.
Fortunately I spent enough time away from the group that I could maintain a small amount of perspective, and I gave a great deal of thought to these strange memory mismatches. At first I suspected that this was the infamous "Rashomon" effect (from the Kurosawa movie where an identical event is shown from the perspective of several different people.) Some of the problem did come from this; from the fact that different people emphasize some events while forgetting others. Each blind man sees a different elephant. But why would several people all adopt the same "alternative" viewpoint?
Then I began to notice that something else was happening. Two major partners of the company were lying. They were lying quite openly, and about all sorts of minor things. The lies were small enough that I never would have noticed them ordinarily. To see them I had to be intentionally looking for them. As they discussed things over time, their stories slowly changed in obvious ways, and always so as to make themselves appear to be the "good guys," and so their opponents appeared to be evil. Long friendships were conveniently misremembered as hostile rivalry, and some recent major changes in attitudes were discussed as if they had always been the norm.
The people were "rewriting history" as they desired, with little regard for truth. Strangely, other members were going along with this and adjusting their viewpoints to match. And strangest of all, none of them were obviously doing this intentionally. It all was happening below the conscious level. The process took the form of a constant sort of "negative gossip", where the gossip was somewhat nasty, and over many days they would come to believe their own speculations as being actual events. The "solidified gossip" was then extended with even more subtly dishonest information. This allowed the "warping of reality" to build up more and more over time. I found that the overall effect was very hard to fight, and on several occasions I felt weird and confused, and had to sit down and try to sort out my original viewpoint from the subtly twisted viewpoints I had unknowingly taken on while working in the group. The others were not even aware of this process. They were not fighting it, and so it had them under a kind of "spell."
When I confronted them about some of the differences in our memories of ongoing (not past) events, they invariably attacked MY perception of events as being faulty. They usually added lots of emphasis on the fact that I had no proof that my version was right and theirs was wrong. They pointed out that I was just one person, while several others disagreed with me (as if reality can be adjusted by taking a vote!) They also put much emphasis on the idea that all of reality is just a matter of opinion. A very strange viewpoint! Though the "blind men" disagree, this doesn't have any effect on the elephant!
Believing that reality is totally subjective is strange, but it's very sensible if your habit is to sooth yourself by altering history. If truth is subjective, then we can apply negative labels to anything, and they are not distortions, they are the new level of truth. If reality doesn't really exist, then we can un-remember all of our bad behavior, and change our stories as convenience dictates. (But although truth may SOMETIMES be subjective, one thing in this world is VERY real: intentional lying!)
During arguments I found that they had no self-doubts at all, and their defenses were impenetrable, which I found to be extremely unsettling. Normal people question themselves, and they don't put 100% trust in their own memories. *I* didn't trust my own memories. And so I started keeping written records of all the ongoing events, and began making tape recordings of company meetings. I came to rely upon these records whenever arguments about the existence of events came up, which they did, time and time again.
The whole upheaval took months. Time after time I found great mismatches in what the group believed and what had actually happened. Sometimes the partners would completely change their stories, and then insist that their stories had always been that way. They would accuse others of nasty acts that THEY THEMSELVES had actually performed (called "projection" in psychology terms.) I occasionally tried exposing the differences and forcing the group to keep honest contact with reality as best as I could, but they absolutely hated my disgusting "truth telling" and tape recorders. For them, "my truth" was to be sneered at, even if it was clearly revealed by records and tapes. It was a losing battle. I eventually got out of the whole toxic situation.
After years had passed and I gained lots more perspective, I could clearly see the operation of a stunning human foible which I had never encountered earlier in my life: many people maintain a positive self-image by a habit of constantly lying to themselves. The lies are small but continual, and their cumulative effect allows that person to perform some fairly nasty and spiteful acts without knowing that they are doing it. They either forget about them entirely, or they put a "spin" on them so they appear correct and righteous. (Sometimes they alter their own memories entirely, and become convinced that their nasty acts were performed by others.) "Convenient Disremembering" rules their lives. They constantly rewrite history to make themselves look good, and they view themselves as good people, even though their actions are very different from those of a good person.
To my great shame I discovered that *I* was one of these people.
Today I see that the "disease" is a matter of degree. We all have it to some extent. When its effects are not enormous, we are only slightly narcisstic; we only occasionally blame others for our own difficulties, and our self-image is only slightly different from reality. At the other end of the spectrum are people who do terrible things, yet who are in deep denial and who "project" all of their personal problems onto their neighbors and loved ones. They think they are good people, but if someone should confront them with clear evidence of their actual behavior, or if someone even *questions* their version of reality, they burst out into self-important rage. They deeply hate tape recorders and written records, but they are unable to give a coherent reason why this is so. (The reason is obvious, but they don't know that!)
Overall, this dishonest reality-warp phenomenon is a very scary thing to be near. It sucks you in unless you fight against it constantly. I see that it's the main force that produces the Cult phenomenon. I can easily see how the Nazis could kill millions of civilians during WWII, and the German people go along with it, all the while thinking that they were in the right. I can see how abusive parents can beat children to death, all the while believing that it's the child's fault. It's simply a matter of our being slightly but constantly dishonest, of bad-mouthing the truth so that it vanishes, of coming up with warped justifications for our actions, and then learning to be blind to the warpings. It's simply a matter of comforting ourselves with small lies, and then believing them. The lies turn invisible and form a new level of "truth" on which more and more subtle lies are again added, until our system of beliefs slowly twists into something that would shock an outside observer.
. . .
If [a person] suffers from the "disease", then he is unable to see his actions in anything except a good light. If he is indulging in this "reality warping" stuff, then whenever you defeat some part of his case, he will not back down, because history conveniently changes for him, so that the defeat never occurred. The "liars" are formidable opponents because they have no need to ever surrender. When you take them on, you aren't even dealing with a human, instead you are fighting an unleashed subconscious which has far more extensive mental resources than normal. Also, they can tell enormous lies with a clear conscience, and people will believe their side of the story without a second thought, since their attitude and body-language is that of a truth teller. REAL truth-tellers always have some self-doubt, and when they go up against one of the liars, the liars appear to be far more truthful than the genuine truth-tellers.My advice on how to fight this stuff matches what you are already doing: be utterly honest, and expose both YOUR OWN actions and [other's ] actions to as much publicity as possible. Self-liars are slightly dangerous. Because they are fighting to defend their image of themselves as good people, their opponents consequentially threaten them at a very deep level. They might talk themselves into seeing a need to commit acts of violence. If you really manage to defeat them, it can throw them into a kind of insanity where they might do something unexpected. In addition, people with the "lie disease" are extremely vengeful. They will remember even small personal slights for the rest of their lives. On the positive side: from what I've seen of the legal world, the people there are aware of these "snake" types of personality, and probably won't be as easily taken in as are your friends and colleagues.
Well, best of luck in the battle. If you want to look up an interesting book, track down Scott M. Peck's book "THE PEOPLE OF THE LIE," ISBN:0684848597 It's by a psychologist who noticed that a portion of his patients shared a certain trait: extreme self-protective and self-centered dishonesty; what the outside world labels as "evil." Peck misses one important issue: ALL OF US suffer from this narcissistic "projection disease," and we remain intentionally blind to it. In most of us it's minor yet chronic. Only in some people does it become a raging infection that causes great damage, and perhaps takes over their entire personality.
Other references: Look up "Borderline Personality Disorder" and associated stuff about "distortion campaigns." Here's a link to Peck's description of human evil And see my writeup about Newsgroup 'flamers' as mental disorder".
by William J. Beaty, 1998
http://www.amasci.com/maglev/levtr1.html
-------------------------------Deja Vu:
[Note: To those who have experienced their church splintering into many smaller, mutually antagonistic groups: Does any of the above description sound familiar? In that context, re-read the following sections.]
". . . some of the events that the group was discussing had never occurred. Other events being discussed were totally different than I remembered them. . . . Also, several real events which I remembered quite clearly were denied by the group as never having occurred. . . . different people emphasize some events while forgetting others."
" . . . major partners of the company were lying. They were lying quite openly, and about all sorts of minor things.""As they discussed things over time, their stories slowly changed in obvious ways, and always so as to make themselves appear to be the "good guys," and so their opponents appeared to be evil.
some recent major changes in attitudes were discussed as if they had always been the norm.""The people were "rewriting history" as they desired, with little regard for truth. Strangely, other members were going along with this and adjusting their viewpoints to match. And strangest of all, none of them were obviously doing this intentionally. It all was happening below the conscious level. The process took the form of a constant sort of "negative gossip", where the gossip was somewhat nasty, and over many days they would come to believe their own speculations as being actual events. The "solidified gossip" was then extended with even more subtly dishonest information. This allowed the "warping of reality" to build up more and more over time."
"They were not fighting it, and so it had them under a kind of "spell.""
"When I confronted them about some of the differences in our memories of ongoing (not past) events, they invariably attacked MY perception of events as being faulty. They usually added lots of emphasis on the fact that I had no proof that my version was right and theirs was wrong. They pointed out that I was just one person, while several others disagreed with me (as if reality can be adjusted by taking a vote!) They also put much emphasis on the idea that all of reality is just a matter of opinion."
"Believing that reality is totally subjective is strange, but it's very sensible if your habit is to sooth yourself by altering history."
". . . many people maintain a positive self-image by a habit of constantly lying to themselves. The lies are small but continual, and their cumulative effect allows that person to perform some fairly nasty and spiteful acts without knowing that they are doing it. They either forget about them entirely, or they put a "spin" on them so they appear correct and righteous. (Sometimes they alter their own memories entirely, and become convinced that their nasty acts were performed by others.) "Convenient Disremembering" rules their lives. They constantly rewrite history to make themselves look good, and they view themselves as good people, even though their actions are very different from those of a good person."
"To my great shame I discovered that *I* was one of these people."
"Today I see that the "disease" is a matter of degree. We all have it to some extent. When its effects are not enormous, we are only slightly narcisstic; we only occasionally blame others for our own difficulties, and our self-image is only slightly different from reality. At the other end of the spectrum are people who do terrible things, yet who are in deep denial and who "project" all of their personal problems onto their neighbors and loved ones. They think they are good people, but if someone should confront them with clear evidence of their actual behavior, or if someone even *questions* their version of reality, they burst out into self-important rage."
"It sucks you in unless you fight against it constantly."
" It's simply a matter of comforting ourselves with small lies, and then believing them. The lies turn invisible and form a new level of "truth" on which more and more subtle lies are again added, until our system of beliefs slowly twists into something that would shock an outside observer."
"In addition, people with the "lie disease" are extremely vengeful. They will remember even small personal slights for the rest of their lives."
(source given above)May God help us all to see ourselves more clearly.
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Excerpts from:
"PEOPLE OF THE LIE" by M. Scott Peck MDPage 69: "The central defect of 'the evil' is not the sin but the refusal to acknowledge it. More often than not these people will be looked at as solid citizens. How can that be? How can they be evil and not designated as criminals? The key word is "designated". They are criminals in that they commit "crimes" against life and liveliness. But except in rare instances- such as in the case of Hitler when they might achieve extraordinary degrees of political power that remove them from ordinary restraints, their "crimes are so subtle and covert that they cannot clearly be designated as crimes. The theme of hiding and covertness will occur again and again throughout the rest of this book. It is the basis for the title "People of the Lie"."
Page 70 "Evil deeds do not make an evil person. Otherwise we would all be evil. If evil people cannot be defined by the illegality of their deeds or the magnitude of their sins, then how are we to define them? The answer is by the consistency of their sins. While usually subtle, their destructiveness is remarkably consistent. This is because those who have "crossed over the line" are characterized by their absolute refusal to tolerate the sense of their own sinfulness."
Page 72 "The poor in spirit do not commit evil. Evil is not committed by people who feel uncertain about their righteousness, who question their own motives, who worry about betraying themselves. The evil of this world is committed by the spiritual fat cats, by the Pharisee's of our own day, the self-righteous who think they are without sin because they are unwilling to suffer the discomfort of significant self-examination. It is out of their failure to put themselves on trial that their evil arises. They are, in my experience remarkably greedy people."
Page 73 "A predominant characteristic of the behavior that I call evil is scapegoating. Because in their hearts they consider themselves above reproach, they must lash out at anyone who does reproach them. They sacrifice others to preserve their self-image of perfection."
Page 74 "Since they must deny their own badness, they must perceive others as bad. They project their own evil onto the world. The evil attack others instead of facing their own failures. Spiritual growth requires the acknowledgment of one's own need to grow. If we cannot make that acknowledgment, we have no option except to attempt to eradicate the evidence of our imperfection. Strangely enough, evil people are often destructive because they are attempting to destroy evil. The problem is that they misplace the locus of the evil. Instead of destroying others they should be destroying the sickness within themselves."
Page 75 "Utterly dedicated to preserving their self-image of perfection, they are unceasingly engaged in the effort to maintain the appearance of moral purity. They are acutely sensitive to social norms and what others might think of them. They seem to live lives that are above reproach. The words "image", "appearance" and "outwardly" are crucial to understanding the morality of 'the evil'. While they lack any motivation to be good, they intensely desire to appear good. Their goodness is all on a level of pretense. It is in effect a lie. Actually the lie is designed not so much to deceive others as to deceive themselves. We lie only when we are attempting to cover up something we know to be illicit. At one and the same time 'the evil' are aware of their evil and desperately trying to avoid the awareness. We become evil by attempting to hide from ourselves. The wickedness of 'the evil' is not committed directly, but indirectly as a part of this cover-up process. Evil originates not in the absence of guilt but in the effort to escape it.
It often happens then that 'the evil' may be recognized by its very disguise. Because they are such experts at disguise, it is seldom possible to pinpoint the maliciousness of 'the evil'. The disguise is usually impenetrable."
Page 77 "They are not pain avoiders or lazy people in general. To the contrary, they are likely to exert themselves more than most in their continuing effort to obtain and maintain an image of respectability. They may willingly, even eagerly, undergo great hardships in their search for status. It is only one particular pain they cannot tolerate: the pain of their own conscience, the pain of realization of their own sinfulness and imperfection.
The evil are the last people to ever go to a psychotherapist. The evil hate the light- the light of goodness that shows them up, the light of scrutiny that exposes them, the light of truth that penetrates their deception. "
Page 78 "They are men and women of obviously strong will, determined to have their own way. There is a remarkable power in the manner in which they attempt to control others."
Page 104 "Those who are evil are masters of disguise; they are not apt to wittingly disclose their true colors - either to others or to themselves. It is not without reason that the serpent is renowned for his subtlety. We therefore cannot pass judgment on a person for a single act. Instead judgment must be made on the basis of a whole pattern of acts as well as their manner and style."
Page 121 "We are accustomed to feel pity and sympathy for those who are ill, but the emotions that 'the evil' invoke in us are anger and disgust, if not actual hate. It is the unwillingness to suffer emotional pain that usually lies at the very root of emotional illness. Those who fully experience depression, doubt, confusion and despair may be infinitely more healthy than those who are generally certain, complacent, and self-satisfied."
Page 124 "Think of the psychic energy required for the continued maintenance of the pretense so characteristic of 'the evil'! They perhaps direct at least as much energy into their devious rationalizations and destructive compensations as the healthies do into loving behavior. Why? What possesses them, drives them? Basically, it is fear. They are terrified that the pretense will break down and they will be exposed to the world and to themselves. They are continually frightened that they will come face to face with their own evil. Of all emotions, fear is the most painful. Regardless of how well they attempt to appear calm and collected in their daily dealings, 'the evil' live their lives in fear."
Page 129 "Evil people would be distinguished by these traits:
a) Consistent destructive, scapegoating behavior, which may often be quite subtle
b) Excessive, albeit usually covert, intolerance to criticism and other forms of narcissistic injury
c) Pronounced concern with a public image and self-image of respectability, contributing to a stability of lifestyle but also to pretentiousness and denial of hateful feelings or vengeful motives.
D) intellectual deviousness, with an increased likelihood of a mild schizophreniclike disturbance of thinking at times of stress."
Page 130 "But there is another vital reason to correctly name evil: the healing of its victims. The fact of the matter is that evil is one of the most difficult things to cope with."
Page 255 "How are we to take Christ's admonition to " judge not lest you be judged" and still label someone as evil? If you see something wrong don't you try to correct it? Was Hitler OK? Was Jim Jones OK? Were the medical experiments on Jews OK? There is such a thing as an excess of sympathy, an excess of tolerance, an excess of permissiveness. The fact of the matter is that we cannot lead decent lives without making judgments; general and moral judgments in particular. Christ did not enjoin us to refrain from ever judging. What he went on to say in the next four verses is that we should judge ourselves before we judge others, not that we should not judge at all. We are to purify ourselves before judging others.
This is where 'the evil' fail. It is the self-criticism they avoid."
[Please note:
"Scott Peck "Christian" psychiatrist. Phenomenally successful, The Road Less Traveled, (15 yrs on bestseller lists). Integration of psychology & eastern religion. His many new age books are very popular within mainline and evangelical denominations."
http://www.soulcare.org/Self-deception.htm] (emphasis ours)
Ironically, these excerpts from Dr. Peck's book were also found on a web site dedicated to attacking the personality and teachings of a minister who died nearly twenty years ago. There are a number of such web sites dedicated to attacking this particular preacher. They all have several things in common, not the least of which is explained above as:
Page 73 "A predominant characteristic of the behavior that I call evil is scapegoating. Because in their hearts they consider themselves above reproach, they must lash out at anyone who does reproach them. They sacrifice others to preserve their self-image of perfection."
So, some have come from deception (regardless of the cause) to an awareness of having been deceived (to whatever extent), and now, to self-righteously blaming others for their deception. They condemn the self-deception of others (which they previously shared) while refusing to recognize their "new and different" self-deception.
Page 72, ". . . the poor in spirit . . . question their own motives . . ."
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