Haute Priest Couture: Dressed to Kill!
Or, All dressed up with nothing to kill?

Contents, Page 1:
Catholics Wrestle Over Greco-Roman Styles
Liturgical Dress: Rank Fashion
The Cost of Dressing Up
Pre-garment or Post-garment Justification?
Protestant Robes
The Original Levitical Priesthood

The Fashion Showdown:
Proposed Newer Fashions with a Strong Symbolism!

O, Sing A New Song

Page 2:
"A" is for "alb", "Z" is for "zuchetto": An explanation of the vestments.

 

Why do priests wear medieval (and earlier) style clothing? If they could adapt "modern" clothing back then, why not now? Could the symbolism be assigned to other styles? Do "clothes make the man", holy?

 

Catholics Wrestle Over Greco-Roman Styles

"Just as the ceremonies that today surround the celebration of the Sacred Mysteries are the product of a long development, so are also the present liturgical vestments. It was sought at an earlier era to derive the Christian priestly dress from the vestments of the Jewish religion. Yet even a superficial comparison of the liturgical vestments of the New Covenant with those of the Old should have sufficed to show the error of such an opinion. The Christian vestments did not originate in the priestly dress of the Old Testament, they have, rather, developed from the secular dress of the Graeco-Roman world."

"By liturgical vestments are meant the vestments that, according to the rules of the Church or from ecclesiastical usage, are to be worn by the clergy in performing the ceremonies of the services of the Church, consequently, above all, at the celebration of the Mass, then in the administration of the sacraments, at blessings, the solemn recitation of the canonical hours, public services of prayer, processions, etc. The liturgical vestments of the Latin Rite are: the amice, alb, cincture, maniple, stole, tunicle, dalmatic, chasuble, surplice, cope, sandals, stockings (or buskins), gloves, mitre, pallium, subcinctorium, and fanon. The pope has the most elaborate and the greatest number of liturgical vestments, for all the [17] vestments mentioned belong to him."

Over the centuries, some tried to update the styles worn, use more colors and more decorations, but rapid or extreme changes were met with new rules and the penalty of temporary excommunication for offenders.

The Catholic Encyclopedia, Volume XV, Copyright © 1912
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15388a.htm   (emphasis ours)

Rank Has Privelege

"In the Latin Church a clear distinction is made between major and minor orders. The priesthood, diaconate, and subdiaconate are the major, or sacred, orders, so-called because they have immediate reference to what is consecrated. Acolytes, exorcists, readers and doorkeepers form the minor orders."
"The bishop is truly a priest (sacerdos), and even a high-priest; . . . "

http://www.durenmar.de/articles/holyorders.html

[Interesting, that exorcists (supposedly able to command demons) are considered no better than a doorkeeper. Also, that all bishops and cardinals are all considered to be "high priests" at the same time. In the U.S. alone, there are 401 bishops and 13 cardinals.]
http://www.nccbuscc.org/comm/source/fastfacts.htm


What to wear? What to wear?

Different robes and other articles are worn by different ranks, for different events such as baptisms, weddings, funerals, high mass, low mass, feasts of Mary, and other feasts. So each priest must have more than one set of garments. Garments can be made from linen, raw silk, wool, blends, or synthetic materials. The less expensive are mass produced. Many are custom made to order and the use of real "gold" thread is not unusual. Intricate and ornate embordery requiring hundreds or thousands of man hours are popular. Some vestments are "commissioned works" from internationally known "artists" with prices in the tens of thousands of dollars or more. (For example, Guyllstone Vestments at http://www.guyllstone.co.uk/). The most prominent vestment makers produce new "collections" in the manner of French haute couture guild members, but with strict limits on design. Annual design awards are given. Vestment designers practice the same name-dropping of who was wearing what when, but instead of naming the rich and famous, it's the Pope, cardinals, and bishops and the events are papal tours, special Masses, and the canonizing of saints.

One collection of church documents regarding the rules of vestments lists 39 historical documents regulating who can wear what, how to wear it, when to wear it, size, colors, trim, decorations, accessories and more. For some rituals, some choices in colors and ornamentation are optional. Among congregations that can afford it, clerics color coordinate the vestments of all those who are officiating or serving along with the decorations on the altar and pulpit and some vestment designers offer "package" designs to facilitate this.

Church Documents Reforming Vesture
http://www.ghg.net/shetler/catholic/vestments/documents/
---------------------------------------

Liturgical dress: Rank Fashion

"Liturgical dress is used during the Mass and other liturgical functions by all clerics actively participating (for a priest or bishop, this means celebrating or concelebrating)."

All Clerics:
The basics:
alb (robe) $80-250 and up, average $157
amice (shoulder scarf with collar) $32.50
biretta (hat) $116 -157 and up
choir cassock, (a uniform styled, colored robe) $128-$765 and up, ave. $250
     (choir here does not mean the same as in "church choir")
cincture, or sincture (a rope or fabric belt) $13.25- $220 and up
cope, (large cape) $229-$2050 and up, average $425, clasp $14-20

Deacon:
(the basics, above)
plus:
stole (long narrow scarf) $50-395 and up,  average $160
pins for deacons $9-10
dalmatic (robe) $236-1400 and up, average $300

Priest:
(the basics, above)
plus:
stole
chasuble (robe) $225-1695 and up, average $600

Bishop:
(the basics, above)
plus:
stole
chasuble
dalmatic

and:
gauntlets, (now optional) [men's white nylon gloves $11]
zucchetto, (skull cap) $43.75 -$50
pectoral cross and chain, (jewelry) $95 (both) to $3,436 and up, (cross only), add for chain $95-145
mitre, (hat) $289-887, average $300-$400, cover $45
episcopal ring (jewelry) $125-$2,176 and up
crozier (staff) $185-$2,595.00, for case add $295-300
cope, (large full cloak) $450 - $1050
sandals, [Birkenstock Milano Black Leather], $95
buskins - Ceremonial stockings reaching to the knee worn over his ordinary purple stockings by a bishop at pontifical mass. They are of silk, embroidered with gold thread, and of the same colour as the other vestments.

Archbishop (or Metropolitian):
(the basics, above)
plus:
chasuble
dalmatic
gauntlets
zucchetto
pectoral cross
mitre
episcopal ring
crozier or staff - "A Symbol of the Shepherds' Staff given to Moses as he was exiled from Egypt. It is the symbol of authority and strength."

and:
pallium (shawl)

Pope:
(the basics above)

plus:
chasuble or cope
dalmatic
rochet, (a lace garment worn under the mozzetta) $138-140, cuffs $35-41, wrist bands $33
gauntlets
zucchetto
pectoral cross
mitre
fisherman's ring (jewelry)
crozier,
pallium

and:
falda, (a kind of long skirt trailing on the ground all round, which the chaplains hold up while he is walking, made of white silk)

fanon (see amice) (The fanon is a vestment reserved for the Pope during a pontifical Mass. It consists of a double mozzetta , one of silk and gold, the first going under the stole and the second over the chasuble. It has not been abolished, but has not been seen for many years.)

CHOIR DRESS - ABITO PAONAZZO

Choir dress (abito paonazzo) is the most formal dress for clerics at liturgical events, worn when they are not celebrating. Those attending but not participating at a liturgical event, or those serving as masters of ceremonies, use this vesture.

Priest and under:
Biretta,
choir cassock,
surplice $32-210, ave. $135

Monsignor:
Biretta,
choir cassock,
surplice
plus fascia

Bishop:
Biretta
Choir cassock
Rochet $138-140, cuffs 35-41, wrist bands $33
Fascia
Zucchetto
Mozzetta (elbow length cape) $225
Cappa Magna
Episcopal ring
Pectoral cross

OTHER VESTMENTS

"Abito piano (academic dress) is the vesture appropriate for the most formal non-liturgical events. Such instances might be a papal audience, a state dinner, the acceptance of personal honors, parades, press conferences, banquets, or any other event that would call for white or black-tie."

For all Clerics:
cappa - a cape with a shoulder cape attached, black, except pope's is red
cappello romano - hat with wide circular brim, color based on office
douillette - long double breasted cloak, black, except pope's is white
gloves - black or white
soprana - black wool cloak

For a Judge of the Roman Rota (court of appeals):
crocia - violet cloak with red trim and ermine collar.

For a Protonotary Apostolic de Numero (official keeper of canonization records and signatory to papal bull.)
mantelletta - a short, violet mantle with slits for the arms.

For the Pope:
camauro - the white fur-trimmed red bonnet reserved to Popes in place of the biretta.
triregno, or Papal tiara - the triple crown reserved to Popes.

Various other required vestments:

house cassock (black uniform style robe, different from choir cassock) $530-866

tunic $519

fascia (sash used as belt over cassock) $200 (est.)

maniple (arm scarf) $75-$85

scapular, the cloak $250-$750 (est.)

scapular, (two small pieces of fabric with pictures of saints, connected around the neck with ribbons) $.60 -$9.50

scapular medal $25-$30

funeral set, matched set of chausable, stole and veil (covers coffin) $516 - $547.20

cleric cape, three quarter length cape $445

ferraiolo, full length purple full length clerical cloak - Unlined with large flat collar which folds back over the shoulders. Fastened at the neck with two red grosgrain ribbons. $395

preaching stole $145-$165

reconcilation stole $35-$40

sick call stole $58

marriage/baptism stole (reversible) $125

wedding chausable $275-$295

coronation chausable $495-$515

humeral veil (21"x108") $250-650, ave. $295

chimere $250-$386

bishop's scarf $95-$97

clergy shirt $35-$55, ave. $45

collarette (choker type priest's collar) $33-$47

white collar (inserts into collarette) $4.50 - 7.50

collar studs $3.50- $8.50

cuff links $55-$60

collar tab, white $2.25

rabat, cleric collar with bib, worn under cassock $13-$21

vest front or shirtfront, (black false front), worn over shirt $44.50 -$100

neckfinish for chasuble $45-$105

preaching band (fits front of cassock) $15

rosary $9-$75 ave $32

deacon's medal $25-$30

deacon's ring $95-$1,250

stockings, knee length, $4

sandals, or shoes $95

pants, $55

belt, $12

underwear, 2pc. $14

(Prices are from on-line vestment suppliers as of 2002.)
------------------------------------------------------

The Cost of Dressing Up

How much does it cost to dress a doorkeeper, a priest or a bishop? The following estimates are for one set of clothes, as required by church rules, for a single liturgical event.


All Clerics:

The basics:
- shoes $95, socks $4, pants $55, belt $12, underwear $14 = $180
- alb (robe) $80-250 and up, average $157
- amice (shoulder scarf with collar) $32.50
- biretta (hat) $116 -157 and up
- choir cassock, (a uniform styled, colored robe) $128-765 and up, ave. $250
     (choir here does not mean the same as in "church choir")
- cincture, or sincture (a rope or fabric belt) $13.25- $220 and up, ave. $55
- cope, (large cape) $229-$2050 and up, average $425, clasp $14-20

Total:

minimum $792.95

average $1,229.50

high end $3,674.50 and up

Deacon:

(the basics, above)
plus:
stole (long narrow scarf) $50-395 and up,  average $160
pins for deacons $9-10
dalmatic (robe) $236-1400 and up, average $300

minimum $1,087.95

average $1,699.50

high end $5,479.50 and up

 

Priest:
(the basics, above)
plus:
stole $50-395 and up,  average $160
chasuble (robe) $225-1695 and up, average $600

minimum $1,067.95

average $1,989.50

high end $5,674.50 and up

 

Bishop:
(the basics, above)
plus:
stole $50-395 and up,  average $160
chasuble (robe) $225-1695 and up, average $600
dalmatic (robe) $236-1400 and up, average $300

and:
gauntlets, (now optional) [men's white nylon gloves $11]
zucchetto, (skull cap) $43.75 -$50
pectoral cross and chain, (jewelry) $95 (both) to $3,436 and up, (cross only), add for chain $95-145
mitre, (hat) $289-887, average $300-$400, cover $45
episcopal ring (jewelry) $125-$2,176 and up
crozier (staff) $185-$2,595.00, for case add $295-300
cope, (large full cloak) $450 - $1050
sandals, [Birkenstock Milano Black Leather], $95
buskins - Ceremonial stockings reaching to the knee worn over his ordinary purple stockings by a bishop at pontifical mass. They are of silk, embroidered with gold thread, and of the same colour as the other vestments. price unavailable

minimum $2,642.70

average $4,489.25

high end $17,864.50 and up

Additional accessories and alternate garments as required for special events:

(items from "Various other . . ." above)

minimum $3,186.60

high end $7,902.50 and up

[Note: to keep it simple, this allows for only one of each garment including one shirt, pair of stockings, pair of shoes, pants, etc.]

The Pope:

Not all the popes use all the various types of garments available to them. However, theirs are not "off the rack" items either. One vestment supplier proudly proclaims that their $1,550 stole was worn by the Pope at one particular event during a tour of the U.S. [There was no mention of his ever wearing it again.] An "average" stole sells for about $160. If all of his vestments were factored with the same ratio, 9.69, then we can at least guess at the cost of his vestments. Using the bishops' average to high end totals, that would be $43,500.32 to $173,107.00. Since some or all of his vestments are custom made using real "gold" thread and custom embroidery, his vestments may fall into the category of "commissioned art" and these estimates may be quite low. Even if these estimates covered the garments, the jewelry alone could exceed these totals. Then there is the matter of new garments being required as the Pope gains weight, becomes stooped over with age, or becomes frail due to poor health.




Pre-garment or Post-garment Justification?

The cincture, an ornate rope used as a belt, symbolized the chastity for which a priest prayed and was part of the 'absolutely necessary' vesture of priests before Vatican II. Each vestment was believed to symbolize something. The amice - protection against evil; the stole - eternal life. The symbolism was created to fit the garments.

Paraphrased from an Catholic article on the web regarding why priests wear vestments, and which forbids reprinting in whole or in part, so we can't even tell you where it is. But you might find it if you search for "succinctorium" if you feel the need to prove to yourself that we didn't just make this stuff up. ;-)
Apparently, the Vatican II conference changed some of the rules about vestments. Based on the catalogs of vestment manufacturers most of the garments are still used.

"It has been said at times that mystical considerations were the cause of the introduction of liturgical vestments and consequently of their existence. But this is absolutely wrong. These mystical considerations did not create the priestly dress; they are, rather, the result of the appearance of these vestments and of the defining of the individual ones."

The Catholic Encyclopedia, Volume XV, Copyright © 1912
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15388a.htm   (emphasis ours)

In short: The symbolic "mysteries" were made up to fit the clothes, which were copied from secular styles that were modern at the time, "Just as the ceremonies" (according to them) were made up as they went along.

 

Protestant robes

"As is known, all denominations of Protestantism rejected the doctrine of the sacrifice of the Mass and of the priesthood. It would therefore have been logical if all denominations had done away with liturgical vestments. For even though they are not in themselves essential to the Sacrifice of the Mass, being only something external, yet by their entire history they are connected most intimately with it. Of all the Protestant denominations logical action was taken only be the Reformed Churches (Calvinist and Zwinglian), which did away entirely with the Mass and the Mass vestments, and substituted for these vestments in the church service a dress taken from secular life. On the other hand, the Lutherans did not show themselves so logical. It is true that, in agreement with their rejection of celibacy and the degrees of Holy orders, they rejected the cincture, the symbol of chastity, as well as the maniple and stole, the insignia of the higher orders, but they retained the alb or surplice and the chasuble for the celebration of Communion; and this was the case in Germany until the eighteenth century; in isolated cases the surplice is worn there even now; it is worn also in Scandinavia, where the bishops retained the cope, and in Denmark up to the present time. In England the first edition of the Book of Common Prayer in 1549 still permitted the surplice, alb, chasuble, cappa, and tunic; three years later, however on account of the greatly increased strength of Calvinism, the second edition of the Prayer Book only allowed the rochet and surplice. It is true that the third edition, of 1559, issued during the reign of Elizabeth, restored the force of the regulations of the first edition, but only in theory. In practice the regulations of the second edition prevailed. Further, the attempt of the bishops at the Convocation of Canterbury to save at least the cappa and surplice had no permanent success on account of the domination of Puritanical opinions. Not even the surplice, the minimum of liturgical dress, remained in universal use. A movement for the revival of the old liturgical vestments began in England with the appearance of Ritualism. Although the ecclesiastical authorities fought the revival with determination, yet is has continually advanced until now there are at least 2000 Anglican churches where the old liturgical vestments have been reintroduced."

The Catholic Encyclopedia, Volume XV, Copyright © 1912
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15388a.htm     (emphasis ours)

In short: Protestants rejected some Catholic doctrines, but "illogically" kept the vestments, and apparently, the symbolism ["mysteries"].

The Original Levitical Priesthood

"The oldest sacred dress seems to have been the epod bad, probably a simple loin-cloth (2 Sam. 6:14, 20). The priests of Nob were known as men who wore the linen ephod. This ordinary ephod has to be distinguished from the ephod of the high priest made of costly material (byssus = ses), worked with gold, purple, scarlet or the like. This part of the dress reached from the breast down to the hips. It was held in place by two shoulder-bands and was tied round the waist (Ex. 39:1-26). There is also mention of an ephod which was used for the oracles. This was hung in the Temple (1 Sam. 21:9). The ordinary priest wore during the liturgical service a cloth which covered the hips and thighs (Ex. 28:42-43; Lev. 16:4) and a long embroidered linen tunic with sleeves (Ex. 28:40; 39:27), also an elaborately worked belt of twined linen, blue, purple and scarlet stuff (Ex. 28:40; 39:27), (Notscher, Bibl. Alterumskunde, 1940). They had also a kind of turban called misnepet (Ex. 28:4, 37, 39; 29:6; 39:28). As in Egypt and Babylon it was forbidden for priests to wear woolen clothes (Eze. 44:17). They were not allowed to wear sandals in the Temple (Ex. 3:5; 29:20)."

"Dress of priests" pp. 397-8.
The Illustrated Bible Dictionary, Vol. 1, 1980, Tyndale House Pub.

So the priests were dressed, as prescribed by God, with a skirt (ephod or "loin cloth"), a tunic (top), a turban, and a belt, but no shoes or sandals while inside the Temple.

The purposes of the priesthood were 1) to teach the law of God, and 2) to offer the animal sacrifices (Deu. 33:10). Even a quick reading of the Old Testament shows that Israel was seldom "law-abiding" for more than one generation and often reprobate for decades (Jud. 2:8-23), as evidenced by the frequent attacks from neighbors, the civil war within the nation and the eventual captivities of both Israel and Judah (Judges 1:1- 2 Kings 25:30). But even though the law wasn't consistently taught and was completely lost at times, (2 Kings 22:8-13), the priesthood was continuous until the Temple was destroyed in the 1st century AD.
As compensation for dedicating their lives to teaching God's laws and processing the animal sacrifices, the Levites were given part of the sacrifices for their personal use (Num. 18:23-26). After Joshua, the teaching was sporadic at best and mostly non-existent, which led, during the captivity of Judah, to the creation of the synagogue, and to the rabbinical system of religious education. But the priests never neglected to maintain the sacrificial system. Perhaps people have a better memory where food and wealth are involved. By the time of Christ, the upper echelons of priests, in the larger towns and especially Jerusalem, were among the wealthiest families in the nation (A Social and Religious History of the Jews, Salo W. Baron, Vols. I, II, Columbia U. Press, 1952).

When Christ offered himself once, as the sacrifice for all men, the sacrificial system became obsolete (Heb. 7:25-28), but the priests could have continued on as teachers of the law, although it appears that their teaching centered on the physical sacrifices.

Once the physical Temple was destroyed, the office of priest became obsolete because they were forbidden to offer sacrifices anywhere else (Lev. 17:1-9).

The symbolism changed. Our bodies became the "temple", with God's Spirit dwelling in us instead of the Holy of Holies (1 Cor. 6:19).
The required sacrifices were no longer animals, but a broken and contrite spirit (Psa. 51:17; Isa. 66:2; 1 Pet. 2:5) repentance, and good works (Mk. 12:33; Heb. 13:16).
The priesthood of men was replaced by one priest, Jesus Christ (Heb. 4:14-15).
This one priest, represents us at God's throne, where our "sacrifices" are received (Heb. 4:16).

In spite of all this, some people still ignore God's laws, even as explained by Christ (Mat. 20:25-26) and they dress up in fancy and expensive, but antiquated robes and call themselves "priests", even though they have nothing to kill. And the authority to do this, it is claimed, comes from Peter, who was a fisherman, not a priest.
------------------------------------

The Fashion Showdown:
Proposed Newer Fashions with a Strong Symbolism!

[Note: the following contains some satire. Proceed with caution.]

Our proposed "priest" would wear:

1. snakeskin cowboy boots

Symbolism: "It shall bruise your heel [breaking them in] but you shall hurt his head" [when you kill the snake]. Man's dominion over the animals. Christ's victory over the dragon, Satan.

Victory - "And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because you have done this, you are cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon your belly shall you go, and dust shall you eat all the days of your life: And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; it shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." (Gen. 3:14-15).

"In that day the LORD with his sore and great and strong sword shall punish leviathan the piercing serpent, even leviathan that crooked serpent; and he shall slay the dragon that is in the sea." (Isa. 27:1).
"And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent , called the Devil, and Satan, which deceives the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him." (Rev. 12:9).
"And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years," (Rev. 20:2).

Dominion - "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."
"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." (Gen. 1:26, 28).

Honor - "He maketh my feet like hinds' feet: and setteth me upon my high places." (2 Sam. 22:34).

Help - "Thou hast enlarged my steps under me; so that my feet did not slip." (2 Sam. 22:37)

Protection - "Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?" (Pro. 6:28).

Practicality - Boots may be more suitable than sandals for those who stand behind the papal bulls.

Price: $89.95, black snakeskin #3050 from bootsusa.com

2. white crew socks

Symbolism:

Protection - 1 Sa 2:9 He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail.
Neh 9:21 Yea, forty years didst thou sustain them in the wilderness, so that they lacked nothing; their clothes waxed not old, and their feet swelled not.

Accessibility by supplicants - 2 Ki 4:27 And when she came to the man of God to the hill, she caught him by the feet : but Gehazi came near to thrust her away. And the man of God said, Let her alone; for her soul is vexed within her: and the LORD hath hid it from me, and hath not told me.

Trials - Job 13:27 Thou puttest my feet also in the stocks, and lookest narrowly unto all my paths; thou settest a print upon the heels of my feet.

Maintaining purity - Sgs 5:3 I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them?

price $ .75 /pr. at Wally World


3. grass skirt

symbolism:

fertility-
Gen 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Gen 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Job 5:25 Thou shalt know also that thy seed shall be great, and thine offspring as the grass of the earth.

chastity - Job 6:5 Doth the wild ass bray when he hath grass? or loweth the ox over his fodder?

modesty - Psa 90:5 Thou carriest them away as with a flood; they are as asleep: in the morning they are like grass which groweth up.

humility and fasting - Psa 102:4 My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread.

mortality - Isa 40:7 The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: because the spirit of the LORD bloweth upon it: surely the people is grass.
1Pe 1:24 For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away:

comfort, esp. during meetings - Jhn 6:10 And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand.

covering and decoration - Mat 6:30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

This garment is mindful both the "temporary dwellings" [thicket or booth] of the Israelites and the use of palms for "Palm Sunday".

price $17, from surfwearhawaii.com

4. underwear - This will undoubtedly be the cause of much dissension. Not the perpetual lay debate between boxers and briefs, but rather "To gird up or not to gird up?", that is the question.

The argument against girding up:
O.T. - The Levitical priests didn't wear underwear (Ex., Lev., Num. Deu.)
N.T. - Eph 6:14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, . . .
           Jhn 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

The argument for girding up:
O.T. - It's a man thing. Job 38:3 "Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me."
N.T. - Lest the son of man be revealed. 1 Pe 1:24 ". . . The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away:"

Counter-argument: Girding up is not guaranteed to prevent loosening or fall-out.

Job 12:18 He looseth the bond of kings, and girdeth their loins with a girdle.

2 Sa 20:8 When they were at the great stone which is in Gibeon, Amasa went before them. And Joab's garment that he had put on was girded unto him, and upon it a girdle with a sword fastened upon his loins in the sheath thereof; and as he went forth it fell out.

price: ungirded $0
        girded $8.50 pr.


5. a gold colored tube top

symbolism:

a memorial - Eze 23:21 Thus thou calledst to remembrance the lewdness of thy youth, in bruising thy teats by the Egyptians for the paps of thy youth.

a blessing - Luk 23:29 For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are . . . the paps which never gave suck.

imitation of Christ - Rev 1:13 And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle.

price $39 from amazin-grace.com; $36.75 from clubware.com


6. a buckskin coat with fringe

symbolism:

protection - Gen 3:21 Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

a memorial - Num 15:38 Speak unto the children of Israel, and bid them that they make them fringes in the borders of their garments throughout their generations, . . ."
Num 15:39 And it shall be unto you for a fringe , that ye may look upon it, and remember all the commandments of the LORD, and do them; and that ye seek not after your own heart and your own eyes, after which ye use to go a whoring:

price $239-$279, dep. on size, at goldcreekoriginals.com


7. suntan oil

symbolism:

anointing - Lev 14:16 And the priest shall dip his right finger in the oil that is in his left hand, and shall sprinkle of the oil with his finger seven times before the LORD:
Ex. 29:7 Then shalt thou take the anointing oil, and pour it upon his head, and anoint him.

price $6.40 for 4 oz.

8. a straw hat

symbolism:

Joseph's vision in which he fed Egypt.- Gen 40:17 And in the uppermost basket there was of all manner of bakemeats for Pharaoh; and the birds did eat them out of the basket upon my head.

The ark of bulrushes in which the infant Moses sailed down the Nile [a foreshadowing of Moses' denial? (vss. 13-14)]. This 'male among the reeds' symbolism ties in with the grass skirt above (Ex. 2:5).

Struggle and deliverance -The darkness before the dawn - The Israelites who had straw provided for making bricks, also had it taken away and their burden increased before gaining freedom (Ex.5).

Choices:

price: $7   # 2638 "Western". (Mr. Greenjeans style) Natural straw. One size fits all. At top-hats.com
     For the truly humble look.

price $35 "Mad Hatter" style, 1017S "Straw High Hat".
     7 inch tall crown with a 2 1/4 inch wide brim.  Full sweatband and a black hatband.
     For the preLate "in a hurry" to serve his Queen. Large enough to store one's lunch until hungry.

price $65 shellacked, S11, 18th Century Straw Tricorn, at dirtybillyshats.com
     For those who want something more modern than medieval, but not so modern as to appear trendy, and yet still relates to the number "three".

price $109.95 Stetson, cowboy style.
     Stetson 8548C La Guadalupana II, winter white ostrich band with Our Lady of Guadalupe medal
     at qualityhats.com
     For those "devoted" to Mary by any other name.

9. jewelry - none,
symbolism: The Israelites, after putting way to much symbolism and "devotion" into their gold icon, had to eat it (Ex. 32). After that, recycling was not an attractive option as, it is that "which comes out" that defiles a man (Mat. 15:11).

Total priestly package:

straw hat
tube top
buckskin jacket with fringe
grass skirt
underroos (optional)
white sox
cowboy boots (aka chipkickers)

Total cost:

minimum $396.85 or less

top bunk $550.55

This is for one "all-purpose" set.

Comparison:

Their's:

"low clergy" $792.95 to $3674.50 and up, plus*

"high" priests $2,642.70 to $17,864.50 and up plus*

*for one each, of additional specialized vestments, add $3,186.60 to $7,902.50 and up.
Multiply the cost per set of vestments times the number of ceremonies and feast days requiring different vestments times approximately 45,000 priests plus the "lower clergy" which numbers perhaps another 200,000 or more and you have tens of millions spent so everyone can look fashionable for the Middle Ages.

Advantages of revesting:

Attributing divine meaning into secular garments. No difference.
Less investment required than in "old vestments". Potential savings, a Bazillion Dollars annually.
Bazillions saved could be used to educate and feed the "masses".
Modernizing the vestments would boost morale, esp. in view of the perpetual pedogate scandals.
Simplify who wears what when. If rank is necessary, put numbers on the hats, 1, 2, 3, . . 666, etc.
With grass skirts and hanging loose, those with impure thoughts would be more quickly exposed.
Multiculturalism through fashion.
More appeal to a younger audience. Children will flock to see the "Holy", hula.
--------------------------------

O' Sing A New Song

Psa 33:3 Sing unto him a new song; play skilfully with a loud noise.


While we are at it, we should consider modernizing and simplify the liturgy. Our priest would lead the processional by dancing and singing (as David did before the ark of the covenant, 2 Sam. 6:12-15, note the trumpet accompaniment). If this seems scandalous, remember Ms Michal's negative reaction, and the result?, well, she might have just as well have become a nun, . . . hmmmm!?!

Which song to sing? How about one for all those who have "sacrificed" fashion (if nothing else) to dress up as official "sacrificers" of nothing. Not the original version below but one with some slight modifications as seen in the second version below.

The original:

Artist: Right Said Fred
Album: Up
Title: I’m Too Sexy

I’m too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Love’s going to leave me

I’m too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I’m too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I’m too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I’m disco dancing

I’m a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk

I’m too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I’m too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

I’m a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I’m too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

‘Cos I’m a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk yeah on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I’m too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy poor pussy cat
I’m too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love’s going to leave me

And I’m too sexy for this song

http://display.lyrics.astraweb.com:2000/display.cgi?right_said_fred..up..im_too_sexy

------------------------------------
The revised:

Artist: It's True, But It Ain't Right Said Ted
Album: Haute Priest Couture
Title: I'm Too Holy

I’m too holy for my clothes, too holy for my clothes
Style's
going to leave me

I’m too holy for my shirt too holy for my shirt
So holy it hurts
And I’m too holy for my pants too holy for my pants
My shirt
and my tie
And I’m too holy for your party
Too holy for your party
No way I’m disco dancing

I’m a "Father" you know what I mean
And I do my little turn in the abbey.
Yeah in Procession, in Procession yeah
I do my little turn in the abbey.

I’m too holy for my car too holy for my car
Too holy by far
And I’m too holy for my hat
Too holy for my hat what do you think about that

I’m a "Father" you know what I mean
And I do my little turn in the abbey
Yeah in Procession, in Procession yeah
I shake my little touche in the abbey

I’m too holy for my too holy for my too holy for my

‘Cos I’m a "Father" you know what I mean
And I do my little turn in the abbey
Yeah in Procession, in Procession yeah
I shake my little touche in the abbey

I’m too holy for my cat too holy for my cat
Poor pussy poor pussy cat
I’m too holy for my clothes too holy for my clothes
Style’s
going to leave me

And I’m too holy for this song

                * * *

Now imagine it as a Gregorian Chant.   ;-)

                * * *

Okay. We had some fun with this. But that does not make us anti-Catholic, or anti-(anyone wearing medieval vestments). We are simply pro-truth. And anti-nonsense. It is not our purpose here to judge or to condemn anyone. We all judge or condemn ourselves by our personal choices and actions. We are all answerable to God, not to one another. Our purpose here is to point out how easy it is to get so involved with "stuff" that we forget how God defines "pure religion". It is not defined by how we dress.
"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." (Jas. 1:27).

If we get more involved with "stuff" than with God, then we have replaced God with "stuff".
To place anything or anyone in place of, or ahead of God is to commit idolatry. Most of the world does that through materialism and the pursuit of happiness. Some commit idolatry in more than one way. If we get more involved with our position than with God, or with our imagined position, such as the Pharisee who imagined himself to be righteous (Luke 18:10-14), then we have replaced God with the idol of our own vanity. We sometimes see references to "garments of humility". In scripture, humility is demonstrated by wearing sackcloth, not silks and gold (Luke 10:13).

"And he [Christ] said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on." (Luke 12:22).

"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?" (Mat. 6:25).

 

PAGE 2: The Vestments


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