ok well this is of course, mucho unfinished, but this is page of just like it said stuff, or whatever I want to put on here, so there dunna say I didna warn ye if ye get offended, once again by anything I say. First of all, I once thought of myself as I Traveler, though I am now seeing that this isna exactly true, I am more of a silent walker, or maybe just someone who watches and goes through life in my own screwed up world. In anycase I am here, ye are here and that is all that about matters now doesna it?

I was once a listener and once a watcher, now I have no idea what i am I have knowledge and it isna enough, I have a lil bit of intelligience and it isna enough either, and i have some common sense and it hasna done me a damned bit of good either, Oh well ye gotta live to learn and fly with fate to see what their is in store for ye.

I once had all these high opinions about life and living, and than I found out that there were and are to many aspects of this world and society that just dont believe in aspirations and creativeness, I saw that much of this world is very short sighted(Including myself also) and doesna look into the consequances of what may come because of some actions. I believe this to me a very big fault of human nature and as such we should(key word on should here) strive to overcome this, unfortunately many of us dont as it is.

One Major Distinction among this is Religion, yes religion that dreaded unpolitically correct topic that no one should bring up because it may start another senseless war. I believe everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but I dont belief that yer belief gives ye the right to force it onto others or to force others to give up theirs for someone else's. But Honestly no matter how many people say this or profess to believe it, it happens, has happened, and will happen. This is a drawback of the human race, the trait of having to force others to see our way, our views, and at times this is not necesarrily good. Many of Us have not the sense to know when to back off about some things, and I hate to see it but in reference to religion the Christian faith is a major player in this respect. I've run across to many "christians" who spent to much time trying to convert me to the faith of Jesus and God that it is not funny but rather tedious, annoying, and at times thoroughly disgusting. I've been called a Devil worshipper because I wear the symbol of a Celtic Knot around my neck on a medallion(this is a meditation symbol used for inner peace and has no relation at all to the pentagon or any other Satanic symbol).

I am not going to say religion is a bad thing. I am mainly saying that people take religion and its meanings and twist them way out of concept. Religion is more of a personal inner part of yerself(in my opinion) than it is anything else.I have found to many people who believe Religion is something that should be force feed to someone and made into a part of them however unwilling they may be. Though in my experience I have found that some few religions(Hindu is a very good example) really dont try to turn others towards their beliefs. I do believe in the spirit and the soul, but to me that is something totally different from a faith or believe. Also I do not really believe in any form of Heaven or Hell or Nirvana or the void, or any such thing that precludes that the afterlife is a place of eternal "bliss" or "pain". Rather I think if anything I would have to believe in some form of reincarnation because that seems a better explanation than many others. The rebirth in order to make changes and amends for yer past lives. I believe in the old warriors believes, that of the turning of wheel. It makes sense from the little bit I know of it, more sense than many other explanations i have found.

ok this is a just a side subject here. have ye ever noticed how if ye say something from experience, and ye are considered young that everyone assumes that ye do not know what ye are talking it? isna that just about the most obnoxious thing that ye can say? aye I am young, but I have also been through much already, and some of it is stuff many people do not know about or wanna know about. but it shapes who and what I am. and unfortunately I also believe in widely different things than many people, yet I find that people believe that stereotyping somoene always works and always right. However much this is not true I grew up in a place where there is no stereotype, I interacting and mixed in with many different types of people from all over the world, yes the world, not just one state or one country, but the world. yet I find people who have just met me making judgements upon myself based solely on what they think I know or what they think I am like, and I may not have said anything to them at all. This is sad...very much so... I was once an idealistic sorta person, yet it is the cynicalistic tendencies in my nature to question many things, especially those things which to me make no sense, yet I get berated for this as well as harrassed simply because I would like to either know more or want someone to explain new ideas to me. unfortunately, it seems when I ask question or probe deeper into something is when people invariably seem to become insulted or upset by my actions or questions. so what should a person do?

I am mostly an open minded person, but yes I do like to air my belief when given the chance, or when someone who believes in something else challenges me. Unfortunately it seems many people mistake this for obnoxiousness and ignorance, I am not ignorant, yet I am not all knowledgeable either,this makes me human, and if that bothers ye, than I politely suggest ye leave this page, it is not for the close minded person. and I do mean this, if this site of mine ever gets around, I expect this page or series of pages as it may turns out, will generate a lot of hate mail for me but I do not care, this is a site for me and mine. and I thanx anyone who realizes that.

August '97 ok will onto the Next Subject on my Mind. Death...and the cruelness of fate. I know this may sound like a pity trip but it is not. it is merely an expression of the sadness I feel when i think about the events of the last month or so. And I've come to find out that Death just brings us closer into Life, it somehow shows us things we nary normally see. which is strange and sad isna it? I always thought that Death was but a doorway, but why does it have to be a trapdoor also? It seems as if there is some sort of wicked twisted sense in Death. Is it supposed to be a lesson or a punishment? A lesson perhaps that none of us are as immortal as we seem to think? and Punishment maybe to the extent that we have lost someone who made a difference and will no longer be there because of fate's cruel ways? I never thought death would do what it has done to me, I feel the sorrow of missing my friends that I looked forward to having for the years ahead. And now some of them are gone. and all I can hope is that they have found something better and are making the way for us to join them in the uncertain future that we all have to live in today...tomorrow...and the next day...

September '97 Another Tender Subject I shall impart my views upon: Racism: it suxs, how is that? anyone who believes in any sort of Racism has for certain many many marbles in their head missing. Racism is one of the worse forms of Stereotyping there is. It's taking a whole section of "humanity" and saying ok well these people aren't good enough because of their colour. And ye know I hate to say it, but everyone does it though, I live in a world where there is racism against all kinds, aye yes for those of ye into the historical part, there is racism against what is considered the white race. NOTE I SAID ALL RACES!! NOT BLACK!! HISPANIC!! ASIAN OR WHITE BUT ALL!!! I am sorry for those poor phewls who tell me differently, grow up where I did, and ye shall know what I am talking about. But back to the generalization of Racism...just look at it people descriminate based on the colour of yer skin? or rather the general colour of yer skin? ye may be white but yer skin colour may be actually a peach or a tanned colour anyways. and etc etc about other races. Even though there is only one RACE!! AND IT's CALLED HUMANITY!!! and I hate to be crude? rude? possibly non PC? but if yer a racist than I DONT FREAKIN CONSIdER YE PART OF HUMANITY!! but oh well that is yer problem and I suggest ye nary ever come to me about it. I have a serious dislike of Racist and people who use racism as an excuse. I have my own stereotypes ingrained into me, and some are based on real experiences, but I strive constantly to break away from thinking along the line of these Stereotypes. I do not believe that we should base things upon a person's colour it is that simple, it mars a person impression to be looking at others with a filter like that over yer mind, so why do it? if ye ever come up with an explanation that makes sense let me know!!!! otherwise I nary wanna hear yer rantings and raving about my opinions and such

September '97 Here is something that I have a very mixed Opinion on. Our good ole enforcement branch of the Government...Have ye Noticed how the police are just here to uphold the laws anymore? and that many of them are take the job to harass people for the fun of it? I have several run-ins with the so called police(both local, state, and out of state) and each time it seems that they aren't interested in anything but harassing you for no good reason. this is sad and everything. I have no idea what makes people think that because they have a badge they have the right to do anything they want. I have rights and they ARE SUPPOSED TO BE UPHOLDING THEM!! and YE ARE FOR DAMNEd SURE NOT DOING YER JOB RIGHT! ok in a calmer moment this nary applies to all "cops" but to the vast majority of them.

October '97. Life. Living and learning, gaining or losing? both and neither? who knows anymore? I for sure dont. I lost my grip on it long time ago. I feel lost on many things, I used to know why i was here, now for some reason it has slipped my mind, sad but true. I nary know quite what I wanna do or supposedly "be" anymore, and why should I? I've got many many many years left and time to do things. Why is a very powerful question, and one that doesna always have a right answer nor a trueful one. oh well, I suppose I just life and keep going and doing whatever seems good at the time, though I do admit I've made many many many mistakes in my life. and likely will make many more. Some have supposedly damned me to hell, but than again oh well since I'm not a christian I nary worried much about that myself. Some have corrupted my morals and ethnics and that is a bad thing, b/c they are the background of my honor on top of it. and others have taught me those hard lessons of life, some I wish I had never learned, and other I wish I'd never experienced, others well there are some things ye lock far into yer heart and those are the ones that break ye, and aye I carry some of them around also to my chagrin, but it must be done. and everyone does it.

Nov '97 Lost I once was one very sure of what I was and who I was and things of that nature. but that was 'ago'. Now I am not really sure of two many things and I do know that confusion is what seems to keeps me together. I remember once being able to look forward and see through that gray fog which is ahead of us. and Now I cant.. isna that sad? losing the sight that ye onced relied on very much. not a good thing.. I once followed a straight line and than it got slanted, twisted and twirled, and that has become my life. entanglement within entanglement. Nothing's ever simple now is it? nothing is ever black and white like many think it should be. there are always shades of differences. it's sad not to be able to distinguish light and dark, good and evil and right and wrong. but it's all a matter or perception now isna it? and Perception just us filtering things out according to out prejudices and experiences and knowledge.

March'98: Another view upon life: How do ye describe the changes upon yer life when they come quickly as this? its like most of my life has been turned upside down and inside out, just about a whole new outlook, a new adventure. I nary do have a job, nor college, though i start back in a few months and such. I've been halfway living elsewhere and getting used to doing things that i have not done for a long time. I've gotten older and am truly legal now in every since of the word. rethought my way of life, and how i live. Found a love at an unexpected turn of the corner and oh my gosh she's now living with us with my family. So I suppose things are going decently here I'm happy and actually glad to be alive now and such and I look into the things that I have now and the things in the past and I wonder what and how things will turn out now, hopefully it will be all to the good. Anyways we can all hope....Cheers to the new life.

August'98:

Alright, A new job, not quite the thing I was looking, but easy though a bit nervewracking at times. But I'm going back to college in the fall and getting the classes I wanna take to finish out. A new wife, in Sept we are getting married and a baby we have due around Thanksgiving!! Life is good though I think my allergies and sinues are tryin to kill me slowly! oh well I will survive. and aye I will get back to those differing topics that i have posted on here soon.

August'98

Alright here it is something a bit different a bit rowdy, a bit tawdy, a bit shallow, a bit deep. LIFE!!! it's a blast, it's a shame, it's a general roller coaster onto the twisted perversion of normality. what normality? there isna any such thing! Life is living, living is learning, falling down, screwing around, being right yet more wrong, looking and looking away, being blind, hearing and yet deaf, feeling and not touching, it is everything and it is nothing. The culmination of all and none.