Finding My Way Home - A Christian Testimony

At the beginning of the second semester, I returned to school charged up and ready to go. In my mind, I was finally ready to prove to family and friends that I could live up to this new, very real challenge. After six or seven years of battling the school system, I finally felt ready to get my act together and show others that I really could cut the mustard. Unfortunately, my shallow, halfhearted enthusiasm did not last! I soon drifted back into my old bad habits of the first semester. I had registered for six courses, totaling sixteen semester hours, but most of the time just as before, I never even made it to my classes! Just like in the first semester, I fooled around too much at night and then overslept most days. By the middle of the second semester, I had already exceeded the twenty percent cut limit in all of my classes, and my college career appeared to be doomed!

The pattern which I had set going all the way back to the Eighth Grade had never been broken. At the beginning of the second semester, I had thought that I could handle the challenge that lay ahead, especially if it meant staying in school. This, after all, was March 1967, and the Viet Nam War was looming in the background. However, I was wrong about both my desire and my determination. Instead of turning around my poor performance from the first semester, I actually did even worse in the second by flunking all six courses. More than that, I was on my way to finishing the school year with a final Grade Point Average of 0.172, an average which equated to a grade of "F-minus." In my case, the conclusion was simple! My childhood and teenage problems had now become adult problems. They had reached the point that I could not handle them. Nevertheless, I was still trying to do so in my own devious way.

In March 1967, as I pondered my fate, I knew that I would be getting all "F"s for the second semester, and because I was already on academic probation, I also knew that I would be washed up for the whole school year. Yet, even at that moment, I was still plotting and scheming to come up with a plan! To sidestep my difficulty with the school, I had decided that I would simply change my major! As an Engineering student, I felt that I could get myself into a different Department and different program and then leave all of my academic worries behind. At least, that is what I thought, but my idea to change majors was not so smart. As it turned out, it was really just an old trick which is often attempted by students who are in academic trouble.

To carry out my plan, I approached the Head of the Engineering Technology Department. I gave him a hard luck story about my not being right for the Engineering Department, plus I told him that I needed a change. He politely listened to my story and then signed me up for the program. The whole process was incredibly quick and simple. Therefore, I left his office feeling confident that I had accomplished my objective. Because he had not asked about my academic status, I had naively assumed that my current grades would not matter. I returned to the dorm thinking that I had dodged a very big bullet, but as usual, I was mistaken. The Department Head had only been polite because at the time he did not know the whole story!

Thinking that I had once again outsmarted the system, I continued to party, right up until the last day of the second semester. Then, ironically, I returned home for summer break, not realizing that the next six months would be the most difficult days of my still young life. I did not know what awaited me, nor had I anticipated any additional difficulties. But the stage was set a few days later when my report card arrived. I looked at the grades and saw six "F"s running neatly down the column. I immediately realized that my earlier plans to charge into the second semester had failed. In fact, I realized that I had failed! In looking at all those "F"s, I knew that I had failed my family, my friends, and yes - I knew that I had also failed myself!

But my biggest discovery came when I found an enclosed letter. I had not expected any correspondence from the school, so I was a bit surprised! As I glanced at the still nicely folded form, my initial thought was that the letter had been sent to inform me of my Department transfer and new major. But obviously, that was not the case! Instead of instructions for September, the letter actually informed me that I had been suspended from school for a period of not less than one year and that that expulsion would apply to all state-supported institutions.

I was not shocked by the grades. I had known that I would be getting all "F"s, plus I had also known that my Grade Point Average for the year would be 0.172. But the enclosed letter had caught me off guard! Before reading those words, I had sincerely believed that everything was set between the Engineering Technology Department and me. However, it was not! A few days later, when I confronted the Chairman of what I had thought to be my new Department, I learned that a person who flunks out of one part of the school flunks out of the whole school.

Thus, in my case, Old Dominion University had indeed suspended me for one full year. I would not be allowed to attend any state-supported college or university during that suspension, plus my admission back into the school at some point in the future would not be automatic, either. At the end of one year, my case would come up for review, but because I had done so poorly during my initial year, I would only be allowed to return at the discretion of the school's Administration Department. The bottom line in my case was simple! I was out, and nothing that I could say or do would change that situation for at least one year.

When I returned home from seeing the Chairman, I was numbed by the finality of the school's position. Only eight months earlier, at midterm when my grades had been three "B"s, one "C", and a "P", I had secretly rejoiced that academic suspension could not happen to me. At that time, I had felt safe from such peril. Then, a little less than two months later, after bombing the first semester, I had still been confident that I could raise my grades and improve my overall standing enough to remain in school. Even on that day in June 1967, when I had arisen early and rushed to school in such a panic, I had still been reasonably certain that all would be well. I had thought that the Department Head could and would make a few phone calls or take some other administrative action to quickly resolve the whole matter. I never believed that I would actually be expelled, but once again, I was wrong! Once again, I had failed to really understand the seriousness of my actions.

Rather than being received with open arms, the Head of the Engineering Technology Department had instead made it very clear to me that I could not return to school in September! For a very long time, a negative outcome such as this expulsion had been inevitable. I had always believed myself to be more intelligent and more shrewd than others. I had also always seen myself as more capable of beating the system. Yet, in reality, I had actually been the greater fool and was now getting exactly what I deserved! The following Bible passage explains very succinctly what had happened to me. It says:

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction."

I had never intended to stray so far, but of course, no one ever does! In my case, my life had, for many years, lacked stability and balance. I had not had the right spiritual focus and direction, and my extremist ways had caused me to go too far down the wrong path. Those shortcomings, alone, had meant that everything about me was wrong. As a young child, I had been without God. As a teenager, I had still lacked His presence. Consequently, my early years had been plagued by the disappointments, frustrations and troubles of not knowing Him. But more than all of these was the fact that, in 1967, I was en route to becoming a young adult without the Lord! Yet, despite such pretty clear signals, I still did not recognize my spiritual need. Amid my many difficulties, I was still without God and very much headed in the wrong direction, but I was too blinded spiritually to see what should have been completely obvious!