Finding My Way Home - A Christian Testimony

On the next day just before noon, I reported back to the Reserve Center to take the test. As one might expect, I was somewhat nervous because in my mind a lot was riding on that single test. Since making a new start in life had become so important to me, I really wanted to do well! More than anything, I wanted to get my life back on track, plus I also wanted to earn my Naval Commission. Not only had it become important for me to return to school, but by that time, I had also gotten to where I really wanted to become a Naval Officer! I had been going the wrong way for so long, but at that moment, I just wanted to get my life straightened out and headed in the right direction. My number one priority was to put all the errors of my past behind me and start anew. Of course, before I could do anything about the distant future, I first had to deal with the present. Before I could see any of my long range dreams come to pass, I first had to get by the test which had been placed directly in my path!

To take the test, the Recruiter led me to an empty room and indicated where I was to sit. Once there, he left me alone - alone with all my fears, alone with my self-doubts, alone with my hopes and dreams, and of course, alone with the test! I was given two hours to complete the work. The test was divided into three categories - reading comprehension, computational skills, and mechanical aptitude. In the past, I had always done poorly in reading comprehension and mechanical skills, so I felt uneasy when I saw those questions. My only strength, if I could claim any at that point, was solving math problems. Even as a youngster, I had always enjoyed arithmetic and mathematics!

After briefly glancing over the whole test, I returned to the top and began with the first of one hundred questions. When I had finally completed, in just under two hours, I collected all my work and carried it to the Recruiter's office. I was tired from the mental exercise of the exam, but overall, I felt good about most of my answers. I knew that I had worked carefully through each question and that I had tried to check and recheck every answer. Therefore, my emotional roller coaster was understandably climbing again and with it was my confidence level. I felt good about what I had done, and I even fantasized that perhaps I had once again done exceptionally well on an important Aptitude Test!

Once I was in his office, the Recruiter took my answer form and began comparing my solutions with the answer key. As I stood helplessly watching, I saw him mark one answer wrong. That was not too bad, though. Anybody can make one mistake! While I continued watching, he marked another, then another, then another, and then, still another! As he worked his way down the page, I could see that I had made a lot of errors. So much for my high confidence level, as my emotional roller coaster promptly reversed direction and headed downward! I almost instantly felt my heart beginning to sink because just as on the previous day I could once again see all my dreams slipping away. I felt myself back on that crazy roller coaster - up and down, up one moment, slammed to the floor the next! What in the world was happening to me? As I continued to watch, I was horrified to see that I had missed so many questions!

Of the one hundred questions, twenty had been verbal, and forty each had been allotted to math and mechanics. After all was said and done and my results were tallied, I had scored fifteen on the verbal (75%), forty on the math (100%), and eight on the mechanics (20%). My cumulative score was an unbelievably low sixty-three, and I was totally embarrassed! I felt like crawling out of the Recruiter's office and jumping off a cliff or something. I just could not believe that I had done so poorly. But the evidence was clearly before me, and I had no choice at that moment except to face the reality of my dismal performance.

Through my embarrassment and shame, I looked at the Recruiter and saw that he had a slight smile on his face. I thought to myself that he must be some kind of sadistic creep to enjoy my pain and failure so much. I was standing there, wishing that I could die, sorry that I had ever gotten the stupid idea of becoming an Officer, and he seemed to be taking delight in my agony. It was a moment that I will never forget, yet as I stated above, the Lord was very much in control of that whole situation.

After forcing the lump from my throat, I solemnly asked how I had done. My inquiry was dumb because I could see my score. I knew how I had done, but I had to say something to break the silence! I could not just stand there watching that man rejoice over my disappointment, at least not without making some sort of gesture. It was then, after I had asked that foolish question and after he had let me suffer a little bit, that he told me the best words that I could have ever imagined. He told me that sixty-two was passing! I had passed the biggest and most important test of my new life - BY ONE POINT!!!

How does the Lord work? This is a question which I have often tried to answer over these past twenty-five years, but after all that time, I think that I might have only a slight idea or perhaps no idea, at all. I cannot predict, for instance, how He will react in most instances because He does not allow Himself to be absolutely predictable. However, while I am not able to explain all the how's, why's and wherefore's of what He does and how He works, I am able to talk about a God who at a very significant time in my life pulled a young fellow up when all seemed lost! After my Seventh Grade Aptitude Test, I had been a little cocky. At the same time, I had not cared much about my life or future. I had had a loser's mentality toward my own welfare and also toward those things in life which are truly important.

During those troublesome years, I had not been interested in taking advantage of my special educational opportunity, plus I had not been interested in going along with the program. I had been "rebellious" from the word go and had behaved very foolishly for a number of years! Yet, despite my own poor attitude and foolish behavior, I can boast about my Lord who changed all that! I can share that critical moment in my life when I passed by a single point what was easily the most important test of my life. The Lord is symbolic, and He definitely had been sending me many messages throughout that whole ordeal. The emotional roller coaster, which I have described, was not an accident. He knew exactly what He was doing as He had used those many up and down, roller coaster-like situations to teach me to trust Him!

For me, the important thing as I left the Reserve Center that day was that I was finally on my way. I had asked the Lord for help only three weeks earlier, and He was even, at that moment, already beginning to turn my darkness into light. During the first few days, things had seemed so slow in getting started, but at last, the whole affair was starting to go. To get my new life out of the starting blocks, He had used an old friend, a series of emotional highs and lows, and then the passing by one point of a critically important test. However, even with all that good news, I still had other logistical problems to overcome. My whole turn around would eventually happen, but it would be much more difficult than simply passing one test by one point. If nothing else, though, I was at least on my way!