Finding My Way Home - A Christian Testimony

The Navy test had represented a big hurdle. After so many years of struggling, I was finally getting my life on the right track. I had passed the Reserve Officer Candidate (ROC) test by a single point, and that success, even though it had been such a small victory, was still causing my whole outlook to improve. My problems still were not yet over, not even close, but I did at least have a little good to hold on to. On the more negative side, though, I also still had several problems which needed quick resolution.

First of all, despite my having passed their exam, I still had not officially qualified for or been enrolled into either of the two ROC programs. Secondly, I also did not have any assurance, given that everything else would fall into place, that I could even return to Old Dominion University. Two months earlier, my request to reenter that school had been flatly rejected, and I had no reason in January 1968 to expect a change in the University's position. Third, I did not have the funds to even support what I was hoping to do. I was broke! Therefore, even with the clear, positive turn around which I had already enjoyed in the one aspect of my life, I was still far from being home free. I still had these three problems which required near term, workable solutions.

Because of those problems, I was understandably nervous about joining the military. If I enlisted in the Reserves and for some reason were turned down again by the school, then I would be stuck in the Navy! Or if I joined the Navy Reserves, but still failed to qualify for either the ROC-I or ROC-II program, I again would be stuck in the military. And of course, finances were also a major concern. In most ventures, money usually does play a big part, and my case was no exception! The chance of my running out of funds part way through was a very real possibility. I could realistically get myself into one of the two Reserve programs, plus get back into school, and still miss my mark by simply running out of money! Therefore, even though I did have one foot in the door on my new life, I still felt that my risk was extremely great. To join the military or not - that, for me, was the big question!

With all my complications, my opinion was that I still faced the chance of more failure, and I was bothered by that prospect! In one case, which I knew about firsthand, an acquaintance from high school had enlisted in the Army and signed up for helicopter training. However, something went wrong which kept him from finishing his course work, and he was immediately transferred to the Infantry! He missed out on his dream to fly helicopters, but in addition to that, he also ended up on a Viet Nam battlefield. I did not desire a similar fate for myself. While I did not care about going to Viet Nam and while I did not even care that much about the prospects of combat, I was very much firm in my resolve to become an Officer. If ordered to Nam, I would have gone, but I did not want to join the Reserves unless I could at least have my shot at becoming an Officer! Unfortunately, my time to get all the various pieces of my puzzle into place was running out, and I could not afford to be too tentative! Exercising a lot of delays certainly was not one of my options. I was nineteen years old, not in school, and ripe for the Army Draft. Therefore, I had to move quickly! I had to make some very speedy decisions, and those decisions had to be sound and well thought out!

I needed to move fast, but at the same time, I was afraid to move too fast because I was unsure of the best avenue. Someone in my situation could easily make an unwise choice and then regret it for years. Therefore, a few days after passing the ROC test, I decided to talk to the Navy Recruiter and solicit his advice. Unfortunately, after talking to him, my feeling was that he did not fully grasp the seriousness of my predicament. His advice was to first enlist in the Reserves and then to apply for the program. He told me that if I were accepted into the program, then all would be well, and I would have the opportunity to become an Officer, no problem! However, he also said that if for some unexpected reason I were not accepted, then of course, I would be off to active duty as a Seaman Deuce. While the Recruiter did not address any problems with that approach, I felt too apprehensive. His idea sounded to me too much like what my high school acquaintance had chosen with the Army, only to later find himself in Viet Nam and not on helicopter duty. Therefore, I rejected the Recruiter's advice and arrived at my own radically different idea.

Instead of enlisting in the Reserves and then applying for the ROC-II program, I told him that I wanted to apply for the ROC-II program, FIRST. After that, once I knew that all the paperwork and necessary waivers from active duty were in place, THEN I would feel less anxious about joining the Reserves. Obviously, I had had the cart before the horse, but for good reason! I was not trying to rewrite Naval procedures. I also was not trying to behave like some kind of privileged character. But I did want to ensure myself that I would at least have the opportunity to earn a Naval Commission. If the Navy admitted me into one of their programs and I failed, then I knew and understood that I would have to suffer certain consequences. I was not bothered by what might happen if I did not succeed. My chief concern was that I, at the very least, be given the chance to try. I did not want to join the Navy, thinking that I had been or would be accepted into their Officer Candidate program, only to learn later that I had somehow been tricked! Therefore, over the next few days, I took the steps to submit my formal request through normal Navy channels, asking to be admitted into the ROC-II program. At the same time, I also requested a four and a half-year waiver from active duty so that I could attend college. I, then, told the Recruiter that I would happily join the Reserves, once I knew in writing that I had been accepted into the Officer Candidate program.

Given my background and desperate situation, who would have seriously entertained such a ridiculous, unorthodox request? The normal delay from active duty for a ROC-II candidate was two years and only one year for anyone else, whether a ROC-I candidate or a normal Reserve enlisted person. Yet, I was asking for more than four years, which made my request totally absurd! My shoddy records did not warrant such a lofty demand. I had finished in the lower third of my high school graduating class. I had attended Old Dominion University for one year and convincingly flunked out with a Grade Point Average of 0.172. I had held two jobs over the past seven months and walked off both. Just two months earlier, I had visited the Dean of Men Students and the President of Admissions at ODU seeking to return to school. Both had said no! The Dean had wished me luck against the Draft, while the President of Admissions had spoken to me about my insurmountable wall of "F"s. Those setbacks, which the Navy should not have ignored, were serious! My only asset from most anyone's point of view was that I had just recently passed the ROC examination, but even that had only been by a single point!

Therefore, the question once again must be asked! With my pathetic background, who would have or even should have considered such a ridiculous, unorthodox request? I was asking the Navy to do something very special for me, yet because of my records, there was nothing special about me! They had no reason to even look at my proposal, much less accept it. They would have been completely justified in laughing me to shame. At the very least, they should have said no. The notion that I should have been granted a special privilege over other enlisted personnel was not right. I had not earned that distinction, and besides all of the obvious negatives, I was still well over two years from even qualifying for the ROC-II program. Of course, that was assuming that I could even get myself back into school, plus find the necessary resources to finance the entire operation. As far as I knew, I would probably not be allowed to attend Old Dominion University or any other state-supported college, in 1968 or in any other year. Therefore, the Navy should have denied my request, but they did not! Instead, they went along with my whole proposal, exactly as I had requested.

The obstacles before me had been tremendous! My request of the Reserves had been bold, and in my opinion, the probability that the Navy would have accepted such a one-sided deal, given all the particulars of my circumstances, could not have been more than one in a thousand, or one-tenth of one percent. In lay person terms, that means that if one thousand young men fitting my exact circumstances had made the identical request, then the Navy would have accepted only one man of the one thousand. Actually, even that estimate is ridiculous! One in a thousand is far too conservative because probably none of the one thousand would have been accepted.

The point in my mind should be clear! If the Lord had not been making the way before me, then the Reserves almost certainly would have denied my request. At least, that is my story! I simply had too much working against me, and the strength of passing a single test by a single point could not possibly have been enough to counteract all the bad that I had done. But because the Lord was making my way and figuratively shining that light before my path, the Navy did accept my request. When they should have responded with a resounding no, they said a very simple, a very clear yes. Therefore, the conclusion cannot be denied. My initial victories in those critically important, first steps obviously were not by my might. The Lord gets all the credit, honor, and glory for that which He has done in and for my life. In the following passage, the writer of the Book of Proverbs encourages each of us to lean on and trust in the Lord, and that is exactly what I was learning to do:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."