Having to experience a divorce between parents can cause adolescents to go through difficulties that can lead to serious emotional or behavioral disorders. Adolescents of divorced parents often enter adulthood with a pessimistic attitude. They usually suffer from a low self-esteem, and they can sometimes become involved in unhealthy activities as a way to satisfy their need to belong and feel a part. Counselors can encourage divorcing parents to not shut their children out of the communication process, as that can sometimes eliminate some of the adolescent's negative feelings of being deceived and left out. Counselors can also encourage both the parents and the child or children to turn to the Lord because, through Him, even the worst situation can be made better.
Forty percent of children born during the 1980's and 1990's in the United States will experience divorce by their eighteenth birthday (Mintz and Kellogg, 1996). How they respond to that divorce is usually affected by a number of factors, including the following three which are among the most important: (1) the amount of hostility or parental conflict which occurs during the time of the divorce, (2) how much the child's life changes as a result of the divorce, and (3) the nature of the ongoing relationship between each parent and the child (Craig, 1996).
Many times, adolescents have difficulty coping with divorce. In a study of one hundred children, where the participants ranged in age from 9 to 19 years, with three quarters of them being between the ages of 12 and 16, the Illinois State Board of Education concluded that many home situations, including divorce, can lead to SED (Seriously Emotionally Disturbed) in children (Epstein, Cullinan, et al, 1994). All of the children in the study had been classified as having exhibited emotional or behavioral disorders. Thirty-nine percent had also demonstrated learning disorders. Additionally, DeWolfe and Saunders (1995) wrote about a 1987 study by Wertlieb, Weigel, and Feldstein which looked at the relationship of stress to adjustment in sixth grade children. That study showed that stressful life events, like parental divorce or moving to a new house, were also related to behavioral disorders.
Adolescents who endure the divorce of their parents frequently enter their early adult years with a pessimistic attitude (McCurdy & Scherman, 1996). When the mother is the custodial parent, the child often has high conflict and poor quality of emotional attachment to their fathers, plus they are also at risk of having a low self-esteem and an overall poor sense of well-being. A low self-esteem is especially noticeable when the father is the absent parent (McCurdy & Scherman, 1996). Dr. David Miller (1988) says that "adolescents may react to divorce by accelerated or decelerated entry into adulthood" (p. 141). They often feel anger and abandonment, and these negative feelings can then cause them to experience early problems in their own life, such as early sexual activity or the use of drugs and alcohol.
Abraham Maslow described a hierarchy of needs which tries to explain how people are motivated. Third on his list is the need among individuals to belong or feel part of a group. When one understands that a family is a group, then the cause of many of the problems observed within the children of divorced parents becomes more clear. A child, who needs to satisfy that longing to belong, will sometimes join a teenage gang or become involved in some other kind of unhealthy activity, such as drugs and/or alcohol.
One solution to the problems faced by adolescents of a broken home is for parents to stop getting divorced. Statistics, however, suggest that this will probably not happen. Another solution is to keep the adolescents involved in what is going on between the parents. In a study of 609 students by Thomas and Booth-Butterfield (1995), with 131 of those being from divorced families, the results indicated that keeping adolescents informed about their parents' divorce helped in their communication satisfaction. That, in turn, tended to eliminate some of the depression, stress, and anger that the adolescent might have otherwise been feeling from being deceived or left out.
Another solution, which is also the best solution and available to everyone, is that the individuals involved in divorce, both parents and child, can embrace Jesus as Savior and be delivered from the negative impacts of this life's experiences. Coming to Christ will prepare the unprepared heart for an eternity with Him. In some cases, coming to Him might even save the marriage. But even if not, embracing Christ will give both the parent and the child a more positive and more practical way to meet their needs. Adolescents of divorced parents can satisfy their need to belong by coming to the Lord and becoming part of a local church. They can restore their damaged self-esteem by realizing that they are important to their heavenly Father. After that, they might even be able to find more purpose for their own life and then become a blessing by ministering to the needs of others. A relationship with the Lord can make even the worst situation easier to handle, even when that situation is divorce.
Craig, Grace J. (1996). Human Development. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, 375.
DeWolfe, Alan S. & Saunders, Antoinette M., Stress reduction in sixth-grade students, Journal of Experimental Education, 1 Jun 1995.
Epstein, Michael H.; Cullinan, Douglas; et al (1 January 1994). Characteristics of children with emotional and behavioral disorders in community-based programs. Journal of Emotional & Behavioral Disorders.
McCurdy, Susan J. & Scherman, Avraham (1 June 1996). Effects of family structure on the adolescent separation-individuation process. Adolescence.
Miller, David R. (1988). Worktext For Personality Development. Lynchburg, Virginia: School of Lifelong Learning, Liberty University, 141.
Mintz, Steve & Kellogg, Susan (1996). DIVORCE, Colliers Encyclopedia CD-ROM.
Thomas, Candice; Booth-Butterfield, Melanie; et al, Perceptions of deception, divorce disclosures, and communication satisfaction with parents., Western Journal of Communication, 1 Jun 1995.
Tom of Spotswood "He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life." (I John 5:12)
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