A. At the center, a core vision of marriage. This area has both positive and negative visions of what marriage should and should not be. The sources of vision are: (a) experiences (own parents, other partners, observed models, and interactions with spouse), (b) Scripture (listen to Christian experts), and (c) reading (we learn about marriage from novels and other non-fiction books).What should one's vision be? It should be covenant-based, forgiving, love relationship united in shared thoughts, behaviors, experiences, memories, and spirit, operating by the principle of faith working through love.

B. Confession/forgiveness (the next outer circle around core vision): People are fallen and hurt each other. People's responsibilities are to confess wrongdoing and also forgive spouse's wrongdoings. The person's responsibilities do not include confessing our spouse's wrongdoing, convicting our spouse of sin, prosecuting our spouse, or punishing our spouse.

C. Contentment or satisfaction (this layer is wrapped around confession with a single layer between that is split between the four components of closeness, communication, conflict resolution, and cognition, where contentment is the sum of the four. Failing in any of the four areas will affect the spouse's contentment. Marriage satisfaction changes over the life cycle. It goes down with first child, down even further when kid starts school, down even further during adolescence, but up when children start moving out and up even more at retirement.

D. Closeness: Depends on how time is used. People need closeness, distance, and social, but these needs are independent. It depends on one's emotional "bank balance". Positive behaviors build up one's balance. Some types of intimacy are emotional, sexual, social, intellectual, and recreational.

E. Communication: Levels of communication analysis are semantics, syntax, and pragmatics (the power rules). The therapist can only analyze one of these to keep from confusing the client. The types of communication are pastimes, information exchange, social, intimate, and meta-communication, and the therapist needs to look at each of these. The spouses should not use put-down humor.

F. Conflict resolution: Interests lie behind positions. Avoid poor communication during problem resolution by not trying to hurt the other person. There are two phases to this, problem definition, which is the hard part, and problem solving. Conflict is important during the early part of a marriage because young couples need to learn how to solve conflicts together.

G. Cognition (the way we think about our marriage): These consist of causal attributions (want stable positive and unstable negative), perceptions of the relationship, expectations for the relationship, assumptions about the relationship, and self-talk about the relationship.

H. Commitment = contentment - competing alternatives + investments. Alternatives are such things as job, another romantic or sexual partner, hobby, friends, freedom, church, and addiction. Identify as "autonomous individual person", freedom to do my own thing, and personal fulfillment regardless of the cost. Investments are such things as covenant, joint property, children, memories, identity as a couple, and mutual interdependence.

A. Assess the marriage. Two sessions plus a feedback session with a written report. The family may or may not need counseling. The counseling may or may not be able to help. If therapy continues, then the therapist should establish a plan, and there should probably be between 6 and 12 additional sessions.

B. Change what needs changing. In the core vision, explore the couples' history, especially parents and former partners. Delimit maladaptive portions of vision to impermeability, and study the Scriptures on the biblical vision of marriage.

C. Confession/forgiveness: Stress proper responsibilities. At the end of therapy, give the opportunity for confession and forgiveness. Have the individual express those things for which they need forgiveness.

D. Communication: Teach intent and impact of the couple's communications. Provide for different types of communication, and teach the communication of affect (emotion).

E. Conflict resolution: Define problem-solving problems, and solve the problems by finding interests behind the positions. Whenever possible, use video feedback.

F. Cognition: Teach the cognitive framework of attribute positive intentions and family execution. Work to eliminate negative self-talk and replace it with positive beliefs. Adjust each partner's expectations for counseling and marriage.

G. Alternatives: Reduce competing alternatives or use them as ways to become closer. Eliminate affairs and replace them with same sex relationships. People have affairs because they provide intimacy without responsibility. When responsibility becomes a reality for the new relationship, then it will most likely fail, too. An affair is not the right way to deal with marriage problems.

H. Investments: Increase the couples' biblical understanding of the marriage covenant and one flesh. Encourage the couple to do more things as a couple. Have them invest more of themselves in their spouse's welfare instead of their own. Have them judiciously increase other investments that are time-consuming, such as children, home repairs, common jobs, and other things.