Updated – June 28, 2000
Falling Star
The night and the starry sky it inhabited seemed to tell a story of sweet serenity. In the midst of the Pacific, the stars were set out like an infinite and sparkling collection of fine jewels upon the black velvet sky. It was a most beautiful sight to see. It was almost a gift, to anyone who cared to take up the offer and just look up.
Jack Schmidt had accepted the gift every night for the past month. While it hadn’t been a point of much interest to him when he first signed up aboard the Horizonto, he had felt as if he was being slowly drawn ever more to this immaculate sight the further he got from home. There, on that deck, he couldn’t remember a time the sky was this divine. The splendor of the night’s sky had more or less been lost on him in childhood. Other things took precedence over such frivolity.
He regretted that now. It was a sad thing to be blind to the simple beauty and truth all around you. Those were important part of stargazing, and this time. It all helped him to fathom himself and put things in perspective.
Well…
At least he liked to tell himself that. It helped put a poetic turn to it and his circumstances. The important thing was that it gave him a little peace. And that truly was a nice thing to have. Most everything in his life felt like a chaotic hell. It would be wonderful if things would quiet down in his mind, and the world would just make sense again. It almost did out here.
Jack lounged against one of the numerous trailer boxes strapped down on the deck of the large transport vessel. Up on deck, his knees pressed up against his chest he truly felt totally alone. He did remark though that those feelings didn’t seem to bother him as much up here. He partly imagined that the sight out before him and his own attitude equaled one another out.
Off to the aft of the ship, the bridge and crew quarters lied. Virtually the entire crew was there now, resting. They were probably enjoying an all too mature movie or a bottle or three of beer, kept hidden away from the captain’s eye. It didn’t really matter to Jack, as long as they gave him a little space they could do whatever they wanted. Still, he would have to go in soon.
To the front of this ship, what little of the sun that would still be visible over the horizon didn’t show. A large storm front blotted out the waning star. Within the expanding cloudbank, lightening flashed time and again. He could already hear the dull crash of the thunder now; they were heading into it quickly enough. Of course seeing as they weren’t changing course, it hopefully wasn’t going to be as bad as Jack could imagine.
He wasn’t paying any real attention to it though, he didn’t really care. The storm was coming; there was nothing he could do. Laying his head back against the metal crate behind him, he closed his eyes and breathed in the mix of salt and diesel. He’d just sit here for another hour, then go into the general berths, before the storm hit them. He could then write some more in his journal and sleep until morning.
Just the same old routine he’d fallen into. Still routine wasn’t too bad…it kept him busy. It still wasn’t much of a life, but he wasn’t trying to be productive, just at peace.
Opening his eyes again he refocused on the panorama of stars in front of him. Looking at them all, he shook his head trying to imagine how people constructed forms and figures from them. He just couldn’t see them, never had. For a month he’d been trying to find one form. Even the Dippers eluded him. He had to wonder if constellations were a myth, and people just claimed to see them, a form of mass delusion. Not likely, but it could be fun to imagine such things were possible. Jack could almost laugh. What really is possible?
As he contemplated this, he felt a drop of water land on his right hand. It didn’t register with him at first, but the second and third one quickly reminded him of the oncoming storm. Looking to the front of the ship he saw that the storm still looked to be just out of range. The rain shouldn't be there yet. Looking directly up, he saw something that he hadn’t expected, the rest of the storm cloud.
Slowly pulling himself up, he stretched his stiff legs and confirmed what he saw. He hadn’t considered that the distant clouds he had been watching were the far end of the storm, not the front. Starting to walk back to the quarters the storm kicked into full and sudden force. Rainfall and wind gusts picked up now, whipping and pelting Jack with enough water to soak him to the skin in seconds. The waves down below the ship had begun to rise and the water had begun churning intensely. Theirs always something new, hmm?
No, more chaos, but what could Jack expect. The world seemed to serve more and more of it up to him. More then enough water above him, around him, and below him. Just a universe of water. Why not? Shaking his head, he tossed off some of the water collecting on him, just to replace it with more. Senseless.
Standing against the side railing he looked out into the swelling ocean. It almost looked angry, rising to strike out in retribution. If that was the case, it seemed it would be a good idea to get out of its way. Still, what was going to happen? Was he going to get wetter? Wouldn’t that be horrible? Maybe a wave would suddenly rise up and sweep him off and away. He supposed the chance of that should have at least worried him. Nonetheless the rain, the wind, and the sea didn’t phase him. He could stay out here and face the trio all night, but he wasn’t suicidal yet.
Moving on down the rail, he continued towards shelter. Jack ran his hand along the rusting metal rail, casually brushing off the water clinging to it. He took his time, lingering somewhat, almost silently challenging nature to strike at him. It was in these times he realized that he wasn’t improving, or accepting what his life was. It probably should have worried him.
Now the storm was overhead and in full swing. The ship continued to sway, and the lightening lit the sky all around like an old ballpark at night. A few of the other crewmembers had stepped out of the warm and dry quarters, to take in a bit of the storm and enjoy the experience as only seamen could.
Looking back out into the sea again he wondered how one could enjoy this. Sure, experience it, but enjoy it, not possible. Once more, he found himself standing, staring out into the storm. He wondered why he felt so compelled to stay. The stars were gone now, lost behind the clouds, and the ambiance wasn’t anything to talk about. As yet he wasn’t looking to cause his own death, and out here he was beginning to shiver more then a bit, the wind and water beginning to take their toll. At this rate he’d be sick by morning. And that was generally not fun on this ship, especially with the ship’s physician, Doc.
Pushing away from the rail now with a little more determination, he set his sights on getting in, drying off, and getting some sleep. It was then and there that he caught something out of the corner of his eye.
Something looked to be in midair, dropping into the ocean. Surprised, Jack looked quickly out over to the area. Empty. Standing there he mulled over what he could have seen…a figure? It was probably his imagination or a trick of light…but what if it really had been a body, some person. Scanning the swirling water, he tried to spy anything that might be there. During the flashes he doubtfully looked, then listened to see if anyone called out for help. Nothing. This is stupid. Mid air? How could that be possible?
Doubting his sight, Jack still spent a minute longer looking, hoping he was wrong. Suddenly something came into view. Out in the water a short distance from the ship he saw a head and then an arm, he thought. The wind, water, and flashes of light made it hard to tell. But it did look like someone was out there.
His stomach muscles twisted within and he wondered what he should do. Looking over to where the three or so men were on deck, he tried to get their attention. He couldn’t believe he was saying it, but he yelled out at the top of his lungs, “Man overboard!” Waving his arms, Jack jumped a little, repeating himself. They finally took notice and looked at him, but went back to what they were doing. They didn’t believe him. Why not, all the sane people were inside right now.
Looking out again, he became that much surer someone was there, alone and in danger. Jack had to do something; he couldn’t just stand there. Taking in a long breath, one idea came out. He groaned and climbed up on the rail. Looking to his side, the people ignoring him before finally took some real notice. Jack wondered if they thought he was trying to kill himself or jumping in to save a figment of his imagination. Though in truth he wasn't too sure either. Time to find out.
Going over and in, he yelled, hoping someone would come over and at least try to help. He also did it partly out of the sheer terror of leaping out into the darkness. Heading at the water, another thought crossed his mind. How was he going to get back on the ship? Now though, he was striking the ocean surface, flailing about in ocean water that was not any warmer then the merciless rain pelting him. For now, those thoughts had to wait.
Shaking off the dire thoughts he had, he tried to figure where the person was. They had to be here, somewhere. Wading out, away from the ship some, he looked and when he could, called out. Nothing, again. Was he crazy? Am I?
Going on what little faith he had left, he moved forward. Then the form emerged
from the waves again, unmoving. He began swimming as best he could at them. Reaching the form, he put an arm around them trying to stay afloat and keep them above water. He instantly noticed one thing, they were unclothed. More to the point, they were a she. How’d a girl get out… That didn’t matter now. It was hard to tell right there, but it felt like she was still alive. Her heart still seemed to be beating. That was the first good thing to happen in a long while.
Looking back to where the ship should be, his heart sank. God…Where’s the ship? The green stern light was no where to be seen. The storm was obscuring his vision, he was…they were lost.
Looking slightly at her as he scanned the sky around him, he told her, “I’m sorry.”
Then a light struck out across the waves, a searchlight. They were looking for him. After a second of catching his breath and resecuring his hold on the girl, he began moving at the light, calling out as he could. Finally, the light fell on them. Moving forward, the ship finally became clear.
Approaching the ship, he finally stopped, unsure how close he could get and still be safe. He hoped he was close enough. Close enough for what though? From the shadows on the deck up above, a lifesaver was thrown. It splashed down close to him. Grabbing it up, he looked at it. It had a rope on it. Well that explained how they were going to get out of this. Putting the saver around his torso, he tightened his grip on the girl and tugged on the rope. With that they began a slow and jerky ascension to the deck. Swinging about a bit, Jack tried to avoid hitting the bulkhead.
Taking a little more notice of her now, he noticed the girl was still unresponsive. It worried him. He needed to get to the deck and check her out. He hoped this wasn’t all for nothing. He put a hand over her face and pushed some of the hair stuck to it away. Taking loudly to her he tried to get a reaction. Nothing. She was cold, wet, and pale.
Looking up, the lights of the ship made the deck visible, as well as the crew there. It was hard to understand them. Some were drunk, some speaking in Japanese, Korean, and other languages from around the world, and most all of them were yelling. It didn’t help this moment seem any less surreal. Picking out some of the voices they were cajoling him for going over, obviously not seeing he was holding onto someone.
Finally seeing her, they quickened their work and pulled the two up on deck. Handing him a coat, they laid her on the deck, unsure what to do. Watching them gawk at her for a moment, he stepped up and pulled the warm coat given him off and covered her. Rubbing her arms a bit, trying to get circulation going, he looked at her trying to make some basic and simple evaluation. She was unresponsive, still. He wished he were a real doctor right now. Looking up at the crew around them, he screamed, “Where’s Doc?” They looked at each other flustered, unsure if he was here. A younger crewman shot off towards the quarters to check.
Watching this for a moment, Jack returned his attention to the girl. The rain was pouring over her face and the coat couldn’t do much to warm her up out her. Time for some resuscitation exercises. It seemed the time as a lifeguard and part time paramedic was finally going to pay off for someone. Moving over her, he cleared her airway and began the process.
One of the other crewmen knelled down now. He was a large man, strong, but a little slow. Quietly and huskily talking, he said, “I learned that once. Can I help her?”
Looking up at him for a second, between cycles, he thought. Going down again, Jack quickly said, “Yeah, sure.”
The two worked with her, and after three minutes, she finally responded. Coughing up water and moving slightly, jerking her head and shoulders around before lying still again. Checking her again, Jack was thrilled to hear her heart and lungs working properly in correspondence. Without equipment aid he couldn’t tell for sure, but she seemed stable and on the mends.
But that was really only a marginal guess. Sure he’d trained a bit for paramedics and had spent a year in med school, but he didn’t want to weigh her life against this. He wasn’t willing to risk her or anyone on that.
Doc finally made his entrance, lead by the young man who went to retrieve him. As Jack expected, he was more then slightly tipsy. Viewing her from a distance, he slowly spoke to Jack saying, “So…she’s breathing? Good.”
It was hard for Jack to understand Doc, between his accent and slurring, but Jack nodded, assuming he understood him.
Doc continued, “Well…Get her inside then. Get her warmed up and let her rest. She’ll be fine with the gweilo. Besides, he fished her up, he should have to deal with her.” Laughing a bit, he began coughing. Turning around, Doc chuckled some more and stumbled back to his rest.
That summed up Doc’s style. Stumble over diagnose, however he does it, and move on. It worked for him, but he couldn’t imagine the man in public practice.
Seeing Captain Keiwara standing quietly over him, he waited for his decision. Keiwara coolly nodded in thought, and paused before speaking. Finally doing so in Japanese, he threw out some orders. The men rushed off. The massive man knelling beside Jack leaned over and spoke up in broken English. “I’ll take her in…for you.”
Unsure of what was happening, he hesitantly let him lift her up and slowly and carefully walk in with her. Standing he looked at the captain again, the only other person left on deck.
Before he could ask anything, Captain Keiwara spoke. In strong, but strained English, he calmly said, “We’ll place her in the watchman’s room. It should be quiet and give her some privacy.”
Still a little stunned and overwhelmed, Jack just said, “Good.”
Looking closely at him, the captain spoke again. “Let us continue observing her inside. You will need to treat her.”
Jack’s jaw dropped. “How am I suppose to…”
He stopped talking as Keiwara strode off. What the hell was this? He shivered a bit again, feeling the cold and wetness that saturated him become more conspicuous. There was no need to stay out here any longer. Running, he caught up with the captain. Stepping into the crew area door, he shut it. The warmth inside made him feel a little better, but things were hardly that.
Turning to his left in the hall, he saw a crowd around the watchman’s room. It was a small room, with little more then a bunk bed. Still, unlike the general quarters you got some privacy. Something to treasure out here. The captain had a room, Doc did, and the ship’s cook lived out of the kitchen. Besides that, everyone else lived together. It wasn’t horrible, but he’d spent his whole life with his own bedroom and space. So a little privacy now and then was like a forgotten treasure.
The watchman’s room though allowed one or two general crewmen to have that privacy. It was a privilege or a place for seniority or maybe even for some practical reason. It didn’t really matter to Jack. Cutter had it now. He was big, mean, and highly irritable. He had gotten the room somewhere along the line, and nobody in the crew questioned this or dared try to room with him. That was fine with Jack, he didn’t mind having that hazard partitioned off from himself.
Stepping up, the men made room for him to slip in. Word must have gone around. Great. Several men were hovering over her now, curious as to how she’d come their way. Stepping up, the large man and the captain pushed them away, giving Jack room. Great, what now?
Straightening up he stepped over and tried to not look like he felt like he was over his head. She wasn’t dying or suffering from any complications other than fatigue, but standing there now, he felt responsible for her survival. He felt that if anything happened, it would be his fault and his alone. It was all up to him now. He wasn’t looking for responsibility, not by a long shot. Kneeling by Captain Keiwara and looking at her unconscious form, he tried to accept it was what he’d been given. It was time to do something.
Taking a breath and looking at the coat still covering her, he shook his head and looked at the captain. “Sir, I think she could use some blankets. A wet coat isn’t going to do much good beyond keeping her damp.”
Quickly nodding, Keiwara called to one of the men behind them. In addition, Captain Keiwara pulled the blanket off the bed above on the top bunk. Taking it from the captain he tried to switch it quickly with the coat, so as to preserve at least a little of her modesty. It didn’t prevent plenty of commentary in the gallery surging behind them. Tucking it around her small form, he rubbed her arms again trying to warm her up.
The additional blankets came and the Keiwara and Jack proceeded to cover her. Swiping at some sweat building on his head, Jack noticed that the room’s temperature was increasing. This and the blankets would quickly help buildup her body heat. Leaning over her now, he put a hand to her forehead to check her temperature. It was cool, but that would change soon. Also, no fever seemed imminent.
Besides giving her the time to recover from her fatigue, and having something to eat and drink to recover her lost strength, their was nothing left to do for her, but wait and hope he wasn't too optimistic in his diagnosis. Just time would tell.
Looking to the captain now, he slowly nodded. “Theirs nothing more we can do, captain. Have something here for her to eat and drink when she wakes up, and be sure she stays covered and warm. Doc is probably right, she should be alright.”
There was a little hooting at the back of the collective group of seamen.
Cutter spoke up somewhere in the group, quipping, “Good, maybe I can get in and get a little rest. Don’t worry boys, I’ll take care of her.”
There was some derisive laughter from the men around him.
He felt highly hesitant to leave her like this.
Shaking his head, Captain Keiwara looked at Jack, giving him a curious look. He had to wonder what he was thinking. Leaning over to Jack he quietly spoke, “I feel this would be the best place for the young lady. Better then recuperating in the general quarters with the rest of this crew.”
Jack had to agree, they were not a group of saints by any stretch of his imagination. Here though, with Cutter, that wouldn’t be much better. The captain had to realize that.
Leaning closer again, Keiwara spoke, having let Jack consider his words. “I need someone to stay with her, watch over her, and also be here to be sure she gets proper treatment from everyone.”
Jack almost asked who he had in mind, but he knew what was coming. Jack flinched slightly.
Nodding solemnly, he said, “Yes. I think we can trust you to be reliable in these areas.”
I can't do this. He partly wanted to object. I'm not looking for this. Partly to avoid the looming responsibility and partly to prevent the conflict he’d end up in with most of the crew. I really don't want to be here.
In that moment the still girl began moving. Thrashing a bit, Jack tried to calm her in some way, talking to her and trying to reassure her with whatever came to mind. She began muttering in a completely unintelligible way. He could feel the breath of a number of men on his neck, moving in to hear her.
None of it made since. But it was quite melodious. It was almost like some song. It was beautiful, and enigmatic. Still...it was enchanting. He tried to find something recognizable or usable. Straining he finally began picking up parts of words, but nothing reliable. As she quieted down again, he at last picked up something of use. He could swear he heard a name…Sara? Sara? Yes, he was sure that was what he heard. Is that her name? Well, it was all he had for now. At least it was a name; he didn’t have to keep calling her the girl.
Looking at her, at rest again, he saw what was important now. This had nothing to do with him, or his responsibilities. To view it that way or allow himself to stay focused on that was more than a little egotistical.
Captain Keiwara spoke again to him, “She’ll need to have someone she can trust here when she awakens. Someone who can handle her questions, and handle our own.”
This wasn’t something he was being given options over, so he replied, “Well I…”
The captain stood up quickly and turned to face the crew. Speaking casually, there was a bit of murmuring. Again, Captain Keiwara and the crew were speaking in languages Jack couldn’t decipher. He didn’t think it sounded good though, whatever was being said. He assumed they were reacting to Keiwara's plan.
Cutter spoke up in the crowd, speaking in Japanese with the captain. He knew this was coming, Cutter would not like losing his private room. He already didn’t care for Americans, now this. Not good. It was at times like these he wondered where people got their nicknames. Talking succinctly to the sailor, Keiwara cut Cutter down to a dull growl. Stepping past the captain, Cutter grabbed some items hanging from the bunks. Muttering a few things Jack couldn’t understand over him, Cutter moved back to the other side of the small room to get the rest of his personal articles. This was going to be a looming problem, no doubt about it. As Cutter finished collecting his things the audience thinned out and was soon only the large man and Captain Keiwara.
Standing, Jack looked at the men remaining. Focusing on the captain, too many questions came to mind, “Sir…I…What am I suppose to do?”
Looking at the young man, the captain put a hand somewhat firmly on his shoulder. “You will wait and stay with her and watch over her. Be her caretaker, and I do not think you will go wrong.”
Jack exhaled and tried to have some faith in what he could be. “Alright, I suppose I can do that.” He smiled a bit, trying to be optimistic.
Smiling slightly in response, the captain turned and left him to be. The other man waited over to the side for the captain to leave, then stepped over to Jack.
He spoke saying, “I can get your things for you...so you can stay with her.”
Looking at him, he decided to put some trust in the man, he would really need some friends now. “Sure, that’d be nice. Thanks…” He didn’t know his name, of course he didn’t know most of the crew. “What’s your name anyway. I’m afraid I don’t remember it.”
Standing a little taller he said, “Tuppo.” He smiled a little, happy to have someone show some interest in him.
“Tuppo? Okay Tuppo, I’d appreciate that.”
Turning to go the large man stopped and looked back. “Will she be alright?”
Looking over at her…Sara for a second, he looked back to Tuppo and nodded. “Yes, she just needs some rest and she should be fine.”
Happy to hear that, Tuppo left him to be.
Going over to Sara now, he pulled over a folding chair and sat by her. You better be named Sara, or I really am a dimwit. Putting a hand to her forehead again, he checked her temperature. Good, her temperature was coming up. Leaning in a little to close to her, Jack for the first time really looked at her.
She was beautiful, radiant. There was no other way to say it. Her blonde/brown hair was long and full and she had a fair complexion. Everything about her features was soft and gentle. He supposed he favored those qualities somewhat. That did always bother Kris, didn't it? She looked young, about nineteen, maybe twenty. Probably, she had a happy promising life. She should get back to it, and away from here.
“Why were you out there?”
The question just came out. Looking at her sleep, he had to ask. It was a potent conundrum and he didn't like mysteries. He’d have to get to the bottom of it first thing when she regained consciousness. But that would be then.
Placing his head near her’s, he cleared some of her drying hair from around her ear. Whispering, he spoke, “Listen, I don’t know if you can hear this, but you’re okay now. You’re aboard a ship and we’re taking care of you. Just rest and we’ll be sure you get home. You don’t have to worry, okay? I’m here if you need anything.” Watching her closely for a moment, he knew that his words were true. He'd do anything he could for her, to be sure she was safe. He hoped she could get back to her life.
With that, he sat up. He didn’t know if she’d heard him, or if she even spoke English, but he wanted to try to reassure her. Jack caressed her check for a moment. He wanted to do more, but he could only wait and be here if she needed him.
Sitting back a little in the chair, he tried to get comfortable. Jack knew he’d be there awhile. So he watched, waited, and hoped just a little.
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