Breaking the trance I hear Charmaine's keys at the door. She opens the door and I drag her to my bedroom. "Do you see anything outside?" She looks outside and sees nothing. "Dude, are you high and didn't share?" No, I am so weirded out. I tell her of the evenings events. "Listen, you have been so stressed out with looking for a job and with all the things that went down with Alex. Of course your mind is looking for an escape. Do you want me to stay up with you for a little while? Maybe we could get emulated and just groove on into Saturday morning? What do you say?" Okay, only if you stay up with me. We grab a bunch of munchies and went to her bedroom and listen to some CD's.

The best thing about Charmaine is that she has this ability to calm me down and make me see things from another angle. She is my support system that keeps me going. After Alex, I didn't know how I was going to get through life. Why did you have to leave me Alex? What did I do wrong? At times I can't help but think that I could have done something to make him feel better. Why was he so depressed with his life? I know he loved me. There are just some things in life that you just totally understand how they work.

Alex and I lived together for 4 years. We were four months away from getting married when I noticed he started distancing himself. Wanting to spend a lot of time alone in the bedroom just looking at the ceiling. One time I found him out on the roof alone and just starring out in a trance into the night. The look on his face was one of pure determined terror. He never wanted to talk about that night.

One month before the wedding I came home late that night from work and the apartment was oddly still. I knew he was home because his car was out front, but yet he wasn't there. I put my stuff down and went looking for him. I found him in the bedroom on the bed with his hands on top of one another on his chest, almost as if laying in a coffin. His eyes were closed and he looked very peaceful. I tried to wake him, but nothing could get him up. I noticed on the floor an empty bottle of sleeping pills. I slowly pulled away and went to reach for the phone. Next to the phone was a note with a drop of blood on it, it read:

My dearest Shannon.

I never meant to hurt you. You were the only thing in my life that made sense. I am alone in my pain and don't want you to suffer. . I sacrafice my love to you to feel you deep in my heart. I know that someday I will make the long journey back to you. Take my love and remember that I will always be here to watch over you. Until then....

Love Always, Alexander

I screamed and grabbed the phone. I called 911 and sat there holding his cold hand. When the paramedics got there they said it was to late. The police asked me a bunch of questions and the night seemed to last forever. My life blurred at that moment. Charmaine was the only person that could understand and helped me through the toughest time in my life.

Charmaine was right. I have been working myself into a frenzied coma. Alex was always there in my mind. Not a day went by where I didn't wonder where he was? Could he see me? Did he know that I loved him and only him? I feel deeply and dreamlessly asleep.

The next night Charmaine stayed with me in my bedroom until I feel asleep. I see him. Who him? I know him but I don't see a face. He is walking away from me. I try to catch him but he starts to run. He is all dressed in black. I can see the flow of his coat as he runs through the night. I can see the dark hair against the pale white of his skin. He starts to slow down and I run up to him. He won't let me see his face. "Why are you doing this to me," I ask. He whispers, "It is not time for you my dearest? Not yet." He begins to walk away. It never dawns on me to ask him who he is. I know who he is I have always known. I grab him from behind and hold on to him. Don't leave me here. Take me with you were ever you go. I want to be with you forever. The word forever echos in my mind. "I can't have you do this." I understand everything. I understand that I will die with out. "Shannon, there is a time and a place. Never forget what we will have. I will be back." He then disappears in my arms like a mist.