The insidious mocking, mocking being. Mocking because it knows it is not wanted - but it is. To embrace it is to try to hold onto a whirlwind. To reject is to doom oneself to a lone figure on the plains. The choice is often not allowed. It - the Being - the Entity - visits and sits and sets up house long before awareness comes. And then it is a jolt.
I saw it visit one day. Oh it was stealth-like. It was a glance, a dark fluttering in the corner of my eye. I looked around trying to catch a full view. It escaped my view - for a time. Then, undeniably, it sat right next to me. I turned to face it, wondering if it would scurry away again. My heart’s volume was amplified, resounding in my head. I confronted it. Yes, I had seen it before. Physically it is a morphous being, continuously changing it’s shape. at this time it was beneficent. Physically appealing, too attractive, I thought, for I have viewed the Other’s malevolent shapes it has held before. It was trying to be alluring. It was a bold time for my persona so I spoke: “What is your name”. A reply, was it in my head? A mellifluous sound, mixing high and low sounds, the ocean and the seagull. “My name is the name of God, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah - called many things but unnamable”. Yes, I thought, how do you name an ethereal being?
So I accept, there is little choice. Sometimes I pass it and it sticks it’s tongue out at me. Teasing me really for I know that it exists, that it is always now in my life, as surely the ground is under my feet. It’s just sometimes I’m not totally aware of it’s presence, this is how I know it has me. It recognizes, God how it does, the power it holds. At any time it’s playful sticking of the tongue could become a sword, plunged deep, fast, quick and hard. so I accept. Tomorrow I will enjoy.
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