The E. F. Benson Birthday Party

Welcome, welcome, one and all! Let the festivities begin for our dear E. F. Benson's Birthday Party! As you will soon discover, today is a very busy and exciting day. I hope you will celebrate every minute of the day with silliness and laughter and that you enjoy yourselves immensely.

Your hostess, Mrs. Titus W. Trout with the able assistance of Mavis, her private secretary and the endless patience of her husband, Titus.

The Guest List
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The Goddess Apollonia
Church Tower
Miss Julie Kahn
Paddy and Dolly
Bibelot
Siriami
The Royce
Lord Tony Limpsfield
Marcia, Duchess of Whitby
The Pride of Poona
Pug
Mrs. Weston
Janet
La Gatta Lucia
Abfou
Blue Birdie
Patience
Blumenfelt
Perdita
Miss Susan Leg
Major Benjy
Evie Bartlett
Mrs. Antrobus

Regrets
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JoAnn Baca
Grosvenor
Mallards Cottage

Apologies to any who may have been inadvertently left off of these lists.

Mrs. Titus W. Trout

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Tarot Readings at the Party!
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Dear Partygoers,

I shall be doing Tarot Readings for all who desire (time permitting) during the party. My 'Tarot Salon' will be in the Tea Tent on the E. F. Benson Forum (see posted instructions), but I shall also check both the list and my own email for requests that might be sent there.

The type of reading I shall be doing is called a Five Card Spread. It is somewhat more modest than my usual Celtic Cross, but it will allow me to do readings for more of you. Here is what to do if you desire to penetrate into the sacred mysteries:

Contact me by email, List, posting in the Tea Tent, or by seeking me out in the Chat Room, and PROVIDE ME WITH THE FOLLOWING:

FIVE NUMBERS IN THE RANGE OF 1 TO 78. (I will be counting off the cards from a *shuffled and cut* deck and thus, *both* reader and subject will participate in the selection of the cards. Rather ingenious, I think, since you won't be able to shuffle and cut the deck yourself.) While selecting your numbers, think of your question or problem (but *don't* tell me what it is) and invoke *good* influences for the cards.

Yours mystically,

Patience

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Harrow Cods
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Hello? Hello? Did I hear you say you were reading Harrow cods at the party? That doesn't seem quite the thing. Pharoah cars? Don't be foolish, my dear, there were no automobiles in ancient Egypt.

Oh! TAROT CARDS. Why, yes, my dear, I would love to know what the future holds for me. I just don't want to become too much of a burden on those silly girls of mine.

Please select 1, 3, 7, 28, 39.

Mrs. Antrobus

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Patience, carissima, Tarot cards! What a delightful way to Tell the Future! Much neater than reading Entrails, I'm sure. Just between us, I never enjoyed that part of being a Divinity, but One must do what One must do.

As a Goddess Recently Reborn, lacking my former complement of Sybils and Soothsayers, I am wildly excited by your Ability to Forsee My Future. Such a generous offer you've made--how can I refuse?

My numbers? 63, 17, 41, 23 and 12.

If the Computer Gods do not deny Me this Pleasure, I will attend you at the Party.

Eagerly awaiting Tomorrow,

Apollonia

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A Virtual Benson Birthday Party
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It's so nice to be here in virtual Tilling, celebrating that nice Mr. Benson's birthday with all our virtual friends. I can see BIBELOT sipping a gin and French with THE ROYCE (now, just how is she going to drive home after?). DAISY and THE STICKY CHILD are pretending to be Piggie and Goosie and are running headlong across the sun-baked shingle beach. MR HOPKINS (famous male model and fishmonger) is deep in conversation with dear PEPPINO and I can see the divine SUSAN LEG (or is it RUDOLF DA VINCI?) taking copious notes in the dappled shade of a flower-covered morning glory. Perhaps details for a future novel - "Oranges of Gomorrah", is it?

A by-now disembodied BLUE BIRDIE flits astrally from group to group, irresistibly drawn towards MRS TITUS TROUT'S feather-accessoried figure. Is it the crimson-lake that suffuses her dimpled features - or perhaps the ardent attentions of MAJOR BENJAMIN FLINT?

Bottles of APPOLLONIA (sorry -Appollonaris) - stand waiting to be drunk, while the clarion voice of Tilling's own adopted diva, OLGA BRACELEY rings forth from the CHURCH TOWER, suitably, but improbably accompanied by the famous BLUMENFELT.

Colummnist STEPHEN MERRIALL'S startling Oxford bags billow gently in the warm breeze, frightening PUG who hides under MRS WYSE'S ample sables, so forgetfully dropped by the owner on a handy sand dune.

The PADRE and PEPPINO'S AUNTIE AMY can be observed trying to differentiate between not one, but two, SIGNOR CORTESE'S.

Squeaks from EVIE BARTLETT herald the arrival of two guests from the spirit world - ABFOU and THE BLACK SPANIARD, who arrive arm-in-arm along with QUAINT IRENE who is making a quick sketch of them along the way.

A languid TONY LIMPSFIELD is reclining on a sandy knoll with fellow Luciaphiles and Londoners MARCELLE PERISCOPE and MARCIA, DUCHESS OF WHITBY. He devours a delicious-looking GOOSEBERRY FOOL (one hopes that there are no WIND EGGS to follow?)

Estate agent extraordinaire MR WOOLGAR, looking in vain for his colleague -and, incidentally, a let for MALLARDS COTTAGE - is commandeered by society's own MRS TITUS TROUT, our esteemed hostess for the day (Hence the second mention!) She is clad in an expensive (and, some would say expansive) ensemble in what can only be described as hues of crimson lake accentuated by radiant kingfisher blue, looking for all the world like the depiction of oil on troubled water - rather a lot of water. It would surely remind one of the worst of the floods on the Jumna, if one were to think about it.

MRS ANTROBUS' ear trumpet is discovered being used as a scoop for the gooseberry fool and is quickly rinsed and returned to its owner. She has made the trip especially from Riseholme in the Cotswolds with fellow-villagers JANE WESTON and PERDITA, owner of a local garden centre. They are busy discussing the antics of a scantily-clad damsel who is gyrating in a somewhat suggestive manner - "THE PRIDE OF POONA" whispers MR WYSE to his companion CAPTAIN PUFFIN ("no soup, please").

GEORGIE and MAPP are standing apart from the rest of the party. He is fingering a lock of hair and watching CADMAN and FOLJAMBE, who are waiting a respectful with COPLEN, the gardener and JANET, Diva's maid.

LA GATTA is being chased into the middle distance by TIPTREE and Diva's PADDY where ISABEL POPPIT is sunning herself and playing a solitary game of PATIENCE.

Only DUCHESS POPPY; HELENA HERMAN,(THE FIRST LADY DEAL) and little JIMMIE MASON are absent - I expect our loss is Le Touquet's gain? Probably living off the fruits of their SIRIAMI shares, I expect. Anyway, it was a wonderful day.....

(I do hope I've covered all the "noms" of the group?)

SIRIAMI

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Mrs. Trout's Day Dress
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My dears, I have been so busy with preparations and what not, that I have hardly given a thought to my outfits for the day! Can you believe that? Well, you shouldn't!

This morning I shall be busy and bustling, greeting guests, directing the help, and dealing with last-minute details. I shall be wearing one of the new sportif dresses of lemon-yellow silk. The skirt is narrowly pleated and swingy, the bodice trimmed with red ribbon, with short organza sleeves. Red pumps, of course. And a red cloche with long yellow chiffon streamers to flutter in the sea breeze.

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Mrs. Titus W. Trout

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The Goddess Apollonia Arrives
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Dearest Partygoers,

At dawn I rose from My cloud-soft bed to see a Vision in lemon yellow wafting along the seashore, preparing Delights for Us all. Mrs. Trout, how We all work you!

After much Thought, I have begun the Day in a long shift of rose-pink, Inspired by My Sister Goddess Iris, of the morning sky. A wreath of Pink Roses binds my Hair. I carry a basket woven from white birch twigs, in which I keep My Necessities--an ickle flask of--er, rosewater, two or three sardine tartlets, and, of course, My copy of "Make Way for Lucia".

Tell me, dear Mrs. Trout, have you made provisions for Those of Us who wish to Swim? A changing tent? A shower to remove the salt? A Lifeguard, tanned and brawny, with flashing green eyes and a delightful grin? Goddesses appreciate these details . . .

Eagerly,

Apollonia

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The Opening of the Tents
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Leave your wraps in the foyer, dears. It's a lovely warm day.

Now, go through those glass doors and along the path through the dunes -- yes, you see them -- red and blue and pink and purple and yellow tents with flags and pennants waving in the sea breeze.

The tents are now open for your amusement! Be sure not to miss Paddy's Whip-Gnawing Tent (Gatta, don't get too close!) or Patience's Tarot-Card-Reading Tent or Pug's Nom Auction Tent! And there's sure to be more to discover as you stroll along. If you find an empty tent and find that you are inspired to awe your friends, why, take it and hold forth!

Have fun, we'll see you at the Luncheon.

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Mrs. Titus W. Trout

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Opening of the Art Gallery
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Ladies and gentlemen, cats and dogs, objects and edifices,

May I have your attention, please?

I had expected our own dear Bibelot to be addressing you at this time, but tragic and unforeseen circumstances prevent her from appearing. I hope that she may be able to say a few words later in the day.

Bibelot has been the Chair of the Hanging Committee for the E.F. Benson Birthday Party Art Gallery. She has given generously of her time and of her trusty assistant's time to pull together a really ambitious artistic offering for the Party. And you will not be disappointed. Thank you, Bibelot.

I now declare the E.F. Benson Birthday Party Art Gallery officially open. Please proceed to the following location and take a long, deep drink from the Cup of Culture!

This way to the Art Gallery!

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Mrs. Titus W. Trout

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So happy you had room for my two little piccies in the gorgeous Art Exhibition at Geocities. I loved the Pride of Poona,and quaint irene's wrestlers were just as I had pictured them: and the music......!

SIRIAMI

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Bathing
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Oh lovely vision, Apollonia,

Tell me, dear Mrs. Trout, have you made provisions for Those of Us who wish to Swim? A changing tent? A shower to remove the salt? A Lifeguard, tanned and brawny, with flashing green eyes and a delightful grin? Goddesses appreciate these details . . .

My dear, I had not thought! But it shall be so! The pink and white striped tent closest to the surf will serve as the changing tent. Yes, a shower too, though rather brisk, until the fresh water gets warmed by the sun. Oh yes, and the French Horn player from Lord Tony's orchestra has consented to act as Lifeguard. He meets all of your requirements.

With many a kowtow,

==================================================
Mrs. Titus W. Trout

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Mrs. Trout!

Speak of a lovely Vision! A French-horn Player, you say? How fortunate that he brought his most becoming swimming costume--or did you supply that, most prescient Lady?

I shall immediately don My bathing-dress of opalescent white and take to the Waves. Do warn him that My swimming skills may not be up to par, due to My long Sleep. Perhaps it would be Best if he gave me an ickle Lesson? Yes, a Lesson. Yes, indeed.

With anticipation,

Apollonia

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Arrival of an Ink-Stained Printer
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Buon giorno, tutti! My dear Mrs. Trout, you're looking splendid! You must forgive my appearance, dear, in this curious but alarming costume. I don this ink-splattered printer's apron not from disrespect but from necessity. I've been so very hard at work, harrying the creative ones and would-be authors who frequent our little list. Oh, and I've been hard at work on my own little contributions for the day's festivities.

Shall I whet your appetite a bit? Here is a commemorative ditty I penned to remind those of you who are nomless of what you're missing. And, by the way, the nomless are invited to stop by my Nom Jumble Sale. Come early for the best selection!

When lurkers drop by on our List
They soon realize what they've missed
A few are so bold
As to enter the fold
While others this process resist.

(It's nothing, really. Una nonnulla, a mere trifle. Wait till I get the presses rolling!)

Pug, who is proprietor for the day of:

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Ye Signe of Ye Daffodille
Peerless puglishers of such well-known works as
"Fugitive Lyrics" and "Pensieri Persi" by Pepino Lucas
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MRS TITUS! TELEGRAM FOR MRS TITUS! URGENT! MRS TITUS!

DELAYED IN LONDON STOP FRIEND CALLED OFF TO FRANCE LAST MINUTE STOP BACK AT FOUR GMT STOP WAITING FOR WHITBY THERE STOP WILL GO BY HARROD'S WHEN PICKED UP STOP LORD TONY

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Pensieri Trovati a casa Pug
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Hot off the presses, and just in time to greet some of the illustrious guests, I offer these commemorative limericks (limited edition).

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An opulent lady named Wyse
Assumed an imperial guise
She wore a great sable
When 'ere she was able
Which invariably doubled her size.

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Apollonia, that goddess so rare
Materialized on a dare
She came up from a drain
'Neath the garden's remains
Refreshing herself en plein air.

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Mrs. Antrobus always said 'eh?'
'Confound it, what did you say?'
Raising up her ear trumpet
She'd nibble a crumpet
And others all News would relay.

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A spirit guide name of Abfou
Appeared with a halo of blue
This strange apparition
Had a singular mission
To Janet he sent billet doux.

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A timorous person of Tilling
Won playing bridge a whole shilling
She gave a great squeak
For it seemed that the meek
For once had received the top billing.

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On the platform our Tiptree proclaims
'With my teeth I've no notion to maim
It's simply my way
Of engaging in play
You'll find it a jolly good game.'

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Her gramophone broken Miss Leg
Was tempted her neighbors to beg
'More noise if you please
For that will appease
Our daVinci who lays the gold eggs.'

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Ye Signe of Ye Daffodille
Peerless puglishers of such well-known works as
"Fugitive Lyrics" and "Pensieri Persi" by Pepino Lucas
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Pug's Nom Jumble Sale
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Welcome! Come into my spacious tent. There's room for all; don't be shy. I have here an assortment of noms in mint condition. A few have been reconditioned and are good as new. Now here's something you don't see every day: a GURU. Such possibilities, and sure to please the most discerning spirit. You would be in such good company if you select this nom. Here's another: COLONEL BOUCHER. What a fine, upstanding nom this is. How can you resist? Such a gallant fellow. Something for the ladies? Well, might I suggest THE CONTESSA DI FARADIGLIONE? It could be shortened, if need be, to fit. "Tess," perhaps? This nom has recently been put on the market. Only one owner. Here's another fine nom. The owner hated to part with it: DIVA. You'll cut quite a swath (of kingfisher blue) in this lovely nom. Has a certain distinction, however misplaced, don't you think? If you select this nom, it comes with a complimentary box of chocolate nougats. Perfect for the aspiring bridge player.

Well, as you can see, we have an enormous selection. But perhaps you would care for a private fitting? I am at your service. You can leave a message at the Benson Forum message board at the "Tents" or stop by and talk to me personally in the chat room at the Benson Forum. I do hope some of you will join me.

And here's a sweetener for the deal, so to speak. Anyone who chooses a nom will receive, absolutely free of charge, a limerick commemorating and commenting upon you selection. This is a limited time offer, good only for the duration of the party. Be the first on your block to have a Pug poem. But that is merely a small incentive. It pales beside the benefits of owning your very own nom. No well-dressed Bensonian should be without one!

Exhortively,

Pug

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Dear Pug,

You are quite a saleslady! I am quite tempted to take on several more noms, you present them in such a tempting manner! (i must confess i struggled long and hard trying to decide if i wanted to be the guru, but life is also quite good as:

-Blumenfelt
(PS were you able to Limericize me?)

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Fur Blumenfelt
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Bloomie, Liebling, you *know* I wouldn't leave you out!

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A Blumenfelt aged yet intact
Was found when one played to react
With a curious noise
Whose timbre annoys
So was straightaway given the sack.

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Just a little joke, dear one, relating to the incident in "Mapp and Lucia". You know your soundboard is *far* superior to that nasty Bechstein's!

Your humble instrument,
Pug

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Dear Pug,

How we work You!

I love the limerick! I also enjoyed your contributions to the art gallery.

Thank you,
-Blumenfelt

Onward to Luncheon!

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