... HELPING CHILDREN AT HOME & IN SCHOOL ...

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For parents who want to ensure that their child has a successful school year as much as is possible, knowing there are so many variables, different situations, etc., here are tips that I would highly recommend:

  1. Create and organize a quiet place at home for the child to study. Provide the tools needed to "do the job" ... a dictionary, a comfortable chair, good lighting, pens and pencils ... and set a schedule and routine for homework. Homework is important ... and it should be given by the teacher with clear instructions, and understood by the child. If done right, it extends and reinforces the learning that takes place in school, and prepares the child for the next day. Regarding a schedule, older children may benefit from a dayplanner or organizer.

  2. Communicate with your child ... every day ... Ask him or her what happened at school in conversation, not as an inquisition. Share what you are working on, too. Accentuate the positive and discuss negatives in a "problem-solving context." Show your child you value education by talking about why it is important to your child's future.

  3. Read with or to your child ... every day ... Reading to a child, with enthusiasm, expression, and animation (yes, be a ham), makes both an excellent connection between parent and child, and also teaches the child important reading skills. Reading is the foundation for all other learning. Make sure books, newspapers and magazines are available to your children, and let them see *you* reading.

  4. Get to know your child's teacher or teachers. During the first weeks of school, make an appointment to meet the teacher ... and then communicate with then throughout the year. This is obviously important; if you don't care, why should the teacher care ... This brings up a VERY important consideration as to your priorities and the priorities of the school. Your priority is the child; the schools priority more than likely is the school and shool system. Be very careful there on that point.

  5. Encourage active and continuous learning with your child ... Discuss books or news articles you have both read, or talk about plays or art exhibits you have seen together ... If you can, point out all the opportunities there are to learn, both in and out of the school. Some of the best learning takes place out of the school.

  6. Appreciate and celebrate your child for who he or she is and not just for what he or she accomplishes ... Nurture that creative spirit through activities whicht encourage individual expression ... Now this means "free" time also, time away from homework, hopefully supervised ... Then as the child is maturng, you the parent gradually steps back.

  7. After vacations or holidays, or absences for whatever reasons, talk to your child about returning to school in a positive and excited way. Show enthusiasm for school and learning ... it's contageous to children. Learning is important, let them know it.

  8. Encourage your child to get involved in extra-curricular activities. This helps increase your child's sense of belonging to the school community ... Here you have to be alert; this is where your child comes in close contact with "peers."

  9. Volunteer in your child's school. There is no better way to show your child that you support and value education than by being a part of the school community. Everyone has something to offer ... whether it’s spending a few hours a week helping in classes, making classroom presentations, helping in the lunch are, or assisting in the principal's office ... make yourself visible to children, teachers, and principal.

  10. Set goals with your child and help him/her find ways to meet them. There are immediate goals; there are long-range goals both are important. Take the time to evaluate with the child how these goals are being met. Like in business, take "inventory" ... what have we accomplished? ... You can uggest organizing large projects into timelines.

  11. A delicate time with children is moving time. School-age children can find this somewhat trying. The good news is that if your child can adjust successfully to this new school, other things in his/her life will fall into place ... In these school transitions, it seems the best way to deal with the anxiety of that first day is to get your kids ... no matter what the age ... inside their new school before it opens. Teachers are often happy to meet a student during those pre-opening days. I'd say at the very least, a careful look around school may prevent the mortification of getting lost on the first school day.

    And don't forget to acknowledge your children's courage in this new situation, and tell them you understand it and respect them. You can also lighten their load by telling them about your own first day as the "new kid" when you started your job. That's right, tell them how you couldn't find the bathroom and maybe forgot your boss's name..

While we are busy helping children, you might consider these gems that I saw in Dummies.com ... it's not a bad newsletter to subscribe to (all right, so I ended a sentence with a preposition; so what ... I'll try not to do it again):

APPROACHING SOLO PARENTING ... POSITIVELY

If you're a single parent because of divorce or the death of your spouse, you may fill like a victim and slip into a pattern of negative talk. Negative talk includes the following:

  • Dumping your problems on your kids: Do you complain to your children about the difficulties in your life or your gloomy outlook? If you've fallen into this pattern of negativity around the house, stop! You're frightening your kids and taking advantage of them. Your children aren't small adults, and using them as free in-house therapists isn't fair.

  • Badmouthing the other parent: In spite of what your ex has done to you and the kids, in spite of the selfishness and irresponsibility, and yes, in spite of the immoral habits, keep your mouth shut. Divorced parents must protect their kids' images of each other. The other parent is a hero and caregiver in the children's eyes (even though he or she may not deserve to be). So think of something upbeat to say once in a while like "You're a natural athlete, just like your father" or "You really have your mother's talent for math." Remember this: To criticize or attack your child's other parent is to criticize or attack your child's DNA.

  • Mucking around in your grief: If your spouse died and your heart is still heavy, don't rain on your kids' parade day after day. Smile and praise their mother or father's wonderful qualities. Get in the habit of talking about your husband or wife and all the fun stuff you did as a family. At the same time, look to the future and all the good times you and the kids have to look forward to

INSPIRING AN IMAGINATIVE ENVIRONMENT

Brainstorming is a great way to help direct your child when ideas aren't flowing for an original homework project or paper. Tell your creative thinker to say the first words that pop into his mind about the issue at hand, for example, life on Mars. Accept all mind meanderings -- no offering is too outrageous. Then ask questions to either expand the ideas or come up with alternatives. "What would your day be like on Mars?" "What would sleeping on Mars be like?" "How would a day in school go?" "What would you wear?" With so many options on the table, your smart thinker takes the ideas that seem workable, incorporates them into his project, and shapes them into his (or her) own work.

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT THE WEB

No doubt about it, computers are here to stay. With each new technological advance, computers reach farther into the information world. By inputting a subject into a search engine, a host of Web sites appear for exploration. Your child can research organizations and libraries across the nation. She can travel to other countries with a few clicks on the keyboard.

The good news is the Internet takes your child anywhere. The bad part is the possibility that your child can be lured anywhere by a stranger met online.

Safeguard your child by instituting a few preventive safety measures

  • Know how to use the computer and navigate online yourself. You need to be computer literate to understand how to best help your child use the internet effectively and wisely. Protect your password, so that your child can't change settings, especially ones that block what kids shouldn't get into.

  • Keep the computer in a central location, so that you can see the screen. Don't lull yourself into thinking that because the computer is in your home, your child is safe.

  • Monitor your child's internet use. Supervise forays online, especially if your child is young and new to the internet. Oversee which sites your child visits and what she downloads. Bookmark good sites for repeat visits.

  • Review your child's buddy list and address book. Check her profile and how she introduces herself. Delete people your child doesn't know. Help her clean out files and e-mail regularly.

  • Set ironclad rules about sharing personal information online. Caution your child never to send family names (including her own) or an address, telephone number, school name, photo, or credit card information to strangers online.

  • Warn your child not to respond but to always let you know when someone online Writes in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable Says statements against her family, friends, ethnic group, or religion Leaves messages that are threatening, sexually explicit, or refer to cults or violent acts.

    A PERSONAL NOTE

    Most parents hope, wish, pray, that learning will become easy for our children and our children's children. We pray that they will become serious students and succeed in ways that we, ourselves, might not have achieved. It is natural that we want the best for our offspring.

    But to achieve this is not easy. True learing is not the equivalent of winning a lottery ticket; it is more difficult. There are no easy winners; it requires study, effort, persistence, diligence, and sacrifice. To paraphrase Abraham J. Twerski (a doctor and a rabbi), "Living Each Day" ... if we pray that our children and their children obtain an education and succeed in life, we have to do something about it, and that "doing" usually begins with ourselves.

    Whatever our personal degree of learning might be, from the most meager to the most advanced, we have to continue if we want our children to value it. We have to plan our children's education very carefully. And we have to be involved in the schools making sure that the schools are doing their best to educate these children ... and working with (and sometimes fighting) bureaucracies is most difficult. I started a fight; see School Days ... a personal letter I wrote to many "authorities" on this topic.

    We have to put our own priorities in order. If our children and grandchildren do not see us, and their teachers, placing great value on study, they are hardly likely to value it themselves.

    Some additional points ... Television Watching ... by Marshal McLuhan.
    Known by the TV moguls, but for obvious reasons,
    self-interest being one, being hushed up.

    Any comments ... I'm here ... just a click.
    Also on parent's page ... Helping Children ... become independent.

    And to the ... Navigator ... when done.

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