... LANGUAGE PAGE 3 ...

... Recommend this series to a friend.

'Twas said, "Let there be light" ... intelligence ... and then there was language.
To paraphrase Whitman, "I hear languages singing."

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE CAN BE DIFFICULT
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn't canine.
English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
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AN EXAMPLE OF GESTALT
Olny srmat poelpe can raed this:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht Im rdanieg. It's the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rse t can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh!? Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Qiute ture I thnik, and if you can raed tihs, if yau wnat, you mhgit psas it on!!
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UNUSUAL WORDS AND THEIR DEFINITIONS

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
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THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ... VERY CONFUSING
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
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HEBONICS IN NEW YORK CITY
The New York City School Board (now the NYC Departmane of Education) has officially declared Jewish English a second language. Backers of the move say the district is the first in the nation to recognize Hebonics as the language of many American Jews. Look for other cities to follow suit, notably Miami Beach, Los Angeles and Scarsdale.
In Hebonics, questions are always answered with questions:
Question: "How do you feel?" Hebonics response: "How should I feel?"
The subject also is often placed at the end of a sentence after a pronoun has been used at the beginning. For example, "She dances beautifully, that girl."
The sarcastic repetition of words by adding "sh" to the front is used for emphasis: mountains becomes "shmountains"; turtle becomes shmurtle." The two words are then often used together as in mountains shmountains and turtle shmurtle.
These following common phrases were translated from Standard English:
English: "He walks slowly."
Hebonics: "Like a fly in Vaseline he walks."
English: "Sorry, I don't know the time.
Hebonics: "What do I look like, a clock?"
English: "I hope things turn out okay."
Hebonics: "You should BE so lucky."
English: "I see you're wearing one of the ties I gave you."
Hebonics: "What's the matter, the other tie you didn't like?
English: "She's a very pretty girl."
Hebonics: "She could stand to gain a few pounds."
English: "May I take your plate, sir?"
Hebonics: "You've hardly touched your food. What's the matter, you didn't like it?"
English: "It's been so long since you've called."
Hebonics: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"
English: "Let's go riding."
Hebonics: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?"
English: "It's a nice day."
Hebonics: "At least it's not raining."
English: "Happy birthday."
Hebonics: "You should only become a year smarter."
English: "I feel good."
Hebonics: "Things could be a lot worse."
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HUMAN ANATOMY IN COMMON EXPRESSIONS
Did you ever notice how parts of the human anatomy have evolved into common expressions in American speech? A few examples include: A good head on his shoulders; the shoe's on the other foot; a heart of gold; chip on his shoulder; a nose for crime; turn the other cheek; a pain in the neck; rub someone's nose in it; a price on his head; apple of his eye; snap his head off; put your foot down; shoulder to the wheel; you're pulling my leg; stick your neck out; twist around your little finger; heart-to-heart talk; keep your head above water ... the list goes on and on.

PARAGRAPH ... MOST UNUSUAL

This is a most unusual paragraph. How quickly can you find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so ordinary, you'd think nothing was wrong with it and in fact, nothing is wrong with it. It IS unusual, why? Study it. Think about it and you may find out. Try to do it without coaching. If you work at it for a bit, it will dawn on you. So jump to it. Try your skill at figuring it out. Good luck now, and don't blow your cool.
The answer is below but give youself a chance. Read the above paragraph carefully and see if you can notice something very special about it. If you have to (I know I didn't find it), then just scroll down.
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Although "E" is the most popular letter in the English language, the most frequently found letter, there is not one letter "E" in the whole paragraph.

OUTSIDE MY WEBSITE
Language Dictionaries ... type in a word, it translates into any language.
BabelFish ... type in text or a URL, and the text or page ... is translated
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THE DIALECTIZER
One more outside my website.
As long as you are here ... Dialectizer ... enjoy this little cutie:
What it does is transalate any webpage or text into any of 5 dialects:
Redneck, Jive, Cockney, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef, Moron, and Pig Latin.
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Some trivia about which are the most spoken languages in the world: Mandarin is most-spoken language (think of all the Chinese in the world), followed by English, followed by Hindi (a few people do live in India), followed by Spanish.
Did you ever ask yourself how languages came about? We take it for granted, and yet all over the world so many languages are spoken ... the little baby hears sounds, makes sounds, gradually connections are made in the brain, and then very suddenly, behold a miracle, two people are talking, communicating, just like that, and they are saying wonderful things to each other ... now think about it ... isn't that a miracle?
"A hundred thousand miracles are happening everyday."
Rogers and Hammerstein
And finally to our ... Navigator ... languages are fun.