- Things You'd Like To Say At Work -

Disclaimer ... don't blame me if you get fired.

... Recommend this page to a friend.

  1. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  2. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
  3. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  4. Chaos, panic, and disorder ... my work here is done.
  5. Do I look like a people person?
  6. How about never? Is never good for you?
  7. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  8. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  9. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  10. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
  11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  12. I see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
  13. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  14. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  16. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  18. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  19. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  20. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
  21. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
  22. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  23. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
  24. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  25. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  26. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  27. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  28. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  29. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!
  30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  31. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

    And Speaking of Work
    The World's Biggest Business

    Stanley Gershbein, Bay News 11/3/03, in one of my favorite columns (and I don't think he made it up; it's not April 1st) but who writes like Collin Quinn reports the news in SNL, writes that one of the biggest businesses in the world has no offices and pays no taxes. It has no warehouses, no inventory, and no payroll for employees such as secretaries, accountants, assembly line staff, or foremen. There are no miners, manufacturers, or receptionists. Yet, this business did over fifty-three Billion, that's Billion with a capitol B, dollars last year and, according to the experts, is expected to grow by at least ten percent this year. That business is; are you ready? … Drum roll please … STOLEN CREDIT CARDS ... so tell me, is your card in a safe place?

    And now we return to our ... Navigator ... having said what we had to say.

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