... Best Excuses and Other Thoughts ...

If You Get Caught Sleeping in Your Cubicle
~~ and other important thoughts from the top floor ~~

... Recommend this page to a friend.

  1. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic."

  2. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off."

  3. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off."

  4. "Damn, hypnotized by my screensaver."

  5. "Darn, why did you interrupt me? I almost got the solution to our biggest problem."

  6. "Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."

  7. "I was cross-training for telecommuting. Next, I watch Seinfeld."

  8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"

  9. "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance."

  10. "I was trying to remember where that difficult "Z" Key was, and now it is indelibly imprinted on my brain, or at least my forehead."

  11. "I was working smarter - not harder."

  12. "I wasn't sleeping. I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

  13. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lenses without using my hands."

  14. "I'm actually doing a 'Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan' (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."

  15. "I'm in the management training program."

  16. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"

  17. "It's okay ... I'm still billing the client."

  18. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

  19. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

  20. "The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot."

  21. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

  22. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work."

  23. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

  24. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people."

  25. "Uh, hey, whaddaya expect... the coffee machine is broken..."

  26. "Whew; guess I left the top off the liquid paper."

NEW MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES FROM THE OFFICE

Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done."

Quote from the Boss: "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."

A motivational sign at work: "The beatings will continue until morale improves."

A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."

Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: "I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project."

Human Resource Manager to job candidate: "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."

Quote from telephone inquiry: "We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the boss' daughter finishes her summer classes."

WHEN YOU HAVE AN "I HATE MY JOB" DAY … TRY THIS:

  1. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section.

  2. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Johnson and Johnson." Be very sure you get this brand.

  3. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone, so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.

  4. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a tracksuit and lie down on your bed.

  5. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

  6. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"

  7. Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company."

AND NOW A SERIOUS THOUGHT

It has been suggested by leading occupational psychologists (and some CEO's of course interested in productivity) that to help make it through the day, workers should schedule mini-vacations as needed. Don't you kid yourself; these CEO's and junior executives do it all the time. They suggest:

Every hour or two, pause and take a vacation of sorts. And maybe your favorite "destination" is Minesweeper, the computer game; maybe Solitaire. After a few minutes you'll return to the real world refreshed and ready to work, at least for a little while.

I used to look out the office window and watch the kids in the school yard playing baseball. Almost every hit ended up being a home run, even though the ball rarely passed the pitcher's mound. The pitcher would overthrow the ball to first base and the batter would keep running to second. This process usually repeated itself until the player had safely reached home plate. Seeing the light in their eyes and the fun they were having would usually let the everyday hassles of the office dissipate if for only an hour.

These mini-vacations are absolutely not a replacement for the real thing, but they are as necessary a part of getting through the day as a real vacation is to getting through the year. Some of us admit this; some hide it. Some recognize it as a sanity break, the rest of us feel guilty that we are wasting time. But make no mistake, it will add to your productivity on your job, and that's where the bottom line counts.

Word of warming: unless you are the boss, make sure your supervisor understands this need. Otherwise, you might have some fancy explaining to do (see the excuses listed above).

Something tells me that it might not work; that's my disclaimer.
So back to Buddy's ... Navigator ... Sorry there Boss.

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