... Recommend this page to a friend.

1. All of your friends have an @ in their names.

2. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net.

3. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

4. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the backseat of your car.

5. Every commercial on television has web site address at the bottom of the screen.

6. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.

7. The last girl you picked up was a jpeg.

8. The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.

9. The remote to the TV is missing ... and you don't even care.

10. When in company, your opening line is, "So what's your home page address?"

11. When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.

12. You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed when you encounter a webpage with no links.

13. You are so familiar with the world-wide-web that you find the search engines useless.

14. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

15. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.

16. You can't call your mother ... she doesn't have a modem.

17. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

18. You check e-mail more than five times a day.

19. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

20. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

21. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

22. You disconnect from the internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

23. You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

24. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"

25. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.

26. You forget what year it is.

27. You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 4.1 or higher."

28. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.

29. You get excited whenever discussing your hard drive.

30. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee.

31. You have a list of six phone numbers to reach your family of three.

32. You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.

33. You have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head.

34. You have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal.

35. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

36. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

37. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

38. You kiss your girlfriend's home page.

39. You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind ... the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".

40. You leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope that you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway.

41. You log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions.

42. You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.

43. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.

44. You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP ... because you never log off.

45. You notice your husband’s beard; he tells you he's had it for 2 months.

46. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

47. You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.

48. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

49. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.

50. You spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome.

51. You spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping.

52. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :-)

53. You start using smileys in your snail mail.

54. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.

55. You surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online.

56. You tell the cab driver you live at "http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html."

57. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" knowing that daddy doesn’t even have a job.

58. You tried to enter your password on the microwave.

59. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

60. You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.

61. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

62. You wake up at 2am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on your way back to bed. Maybe you go to sleep at 2am and check the e-mail at 4. Maybe you go to bed at 4am.

63. Your best friend is someone you've never met.

64. Your bookmarks or favorites takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

65. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

66. Your dog or cat has its own home page; maybe also your hamster. .

67. Your grandmother asks you to send her a jpg file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

68. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch.
69. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You then try to hum to communicate with the modem ... and you succeed.

70. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

71. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not have e-mail.

72. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

73. Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

74. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

75. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

76. Even worse; you know exactly whom you are going to forward this to.