... How To Write a Term Paper ...

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Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class.
If your friend hasn't started the paper yet, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate.
If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him.
When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
Check your e-mail; reply to everyone who sent you letters.
You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade... You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. See if you can improve the shape of your smile.
Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it , I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
Listen to the other side.
Check your e-mail again and neaten up your desk (get all your little notes in one pile putting a paper clip on them).
Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, the world at large.
Sit down again in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
Check your e-mail to make sure no-one sent you any urgent messages since the last time you checked.
Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
Catch the last hour of Columbo on A&E.
Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot, and how it is possible to figure out which of his eyes is missing. That will lead to a discussion of depth perception.
Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
Look through your roommate's book of home pictures. Ask who everyone is.
Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
Read over the assignment one more time ... just for the heck of it.
Check your e-mail again. Rearrange them by subject, sender, date, seeing how it looks in the window.
Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
Lie face down on the floor and moan. While you're down there, try a few push-ups and think about calories.
Leap up and write the paper.
Type the paper.
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