Interesting Observations

... Interesting Observations ...

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"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
A bachelor is one who's footloose and fiancé free.
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
A person with horse sense is a person with a stable mind.
About 3,000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.
All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
Ampere's name is still current.
Anarchy is such a good idea; it should be the law.
Any fool can tell the truth, it takes intelligence to lie well.
Ask me about my dysfunctional family.
Bartender, I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.
Being the boss doesn't make you right, it only makes you the boss.
Boeing ... the sound a plane makes when it hits the ground.
Californians are not without their faults.
Congress finds more profit in supporting tobacco than in supporting you.
Cross Lee Iacocca with Dracula and you get autoexec.bat
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Elevator button for 5th floor is out of order; press 1 and 4.
Ethical dilemma: if you see a drowning lawyer, do you just drive on by or stop to watch?
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have any film.
For a romantic dinner, avoid the moon. You get decent food, but no atmosphere.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
Four-wheel drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
Genitalia is not an Italian airline.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance.
Heart attacks are G-d's revenge for eating His animal friends.
He's in a class by himself; everyone else graduated.
How many people know that the sun is a star?
I am not paranoid. Which of my enemies told you that?
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever, and so far, so good.
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
I married Miss Right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If idiots could fly, then this would be an airport.
If law school is so tough, why are there so many lawyers?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
If there is no G-d, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
If you can't drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
If you don't like my attitude, phone 1-800-WHO-CARES.
If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.
If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Important, call if you do not receive this message.
In war, one side doesn't win; it just loses less.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Isn't it a shame Christmas comes at a time of year when the stores are so crowded?
It wasn't school John disliked; it was just the principal of it.
Kemo Sabe means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.
Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
Latest News ... Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.
Latest News ... We expect the world to end at 3 pm; details at 5.
Learn the rules - then break some.
Limit congressional representatives to two terms, one in Congress and one in jail.
Love is two vowels, two consonants, and two fools.
Make yourself at home; clean my kitchen.
Marriage is the main cause of divorce.
Mason-Dixon: The line that separates Y'all from Youse Guys.
Mermaid mathematicians wear algebras.
Mothers of teenagers know why some animals eat their young.
My profession? Does the word "peon" mean anything to you?
Next time you get a lawyer a drink, give him just-ice.
No, taco bell is not the Mexican telephone company.
Only cosmetologists give make-up exams.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.
She's just a bootlegger's daughter, but I love her still.
Some days you're a bug, other days you're a windshield.
Some days you're a dog, other days your a hydrant.
Some days you're a pigeon, other days your a statue.
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
The four food groups are coffee, ice cream, beer, and pizza.
The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The four food groups are: coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza.
The more you complain, the longer G-d lets you live.
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice.
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
To prevent disease, please boil ice cubes before using.
Wanted ... a meaningful overnight relationship.
War is G-d's way of teaching us geography.
War never decides who is right, only who is left.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws.
Which came first, the woman or the department store?
Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?
Why did astronomers name a planet after Pluto, but not Mickey or Goofy?
Why is a soap dish so hard to keep clean?
Why not just settle for everything?
Women like silent men; they think they're listening.
You'll know dinner's ready when the smoke alarm goes off.