... Recommend this page to a friend.

Question: How do you define success? Is it working hard and attaining wealth or is it doing something good for someone else, or for mankind in general? Let's say you have a great job in a high power position which you have worked very hard at for you and your family. And you know that outsiders see you as successful because they're constantly asking you how you do it. But inside, you don't feel successful because you don't feel truly happy. How do you know you are successful and what are you supposed to measure your success by?

"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all." Anna Quindlen

There is no one, all-encompassing definition of success because success is a relative concept. Success, in the action sense, is achieving something you have set out to do and wanted to do. But what about the connection between success and happiness? What if what you've accomplished doesn't bring you true happiness and satisfaction? Are you still successful simply because you completed something?

Some people define success as acquiring great wealth, holding a high-level position in a career, receiving good grades or winning the game. When you read a dating profile of someone in the personal ads or on the Internet, ever wonder what it means when someone says their looking for a "successful person"? What does that success entail?

The only true way to define success is to define it for yourself instead of letting the expectations for success be determined by your family, your culture, society, or anyone else. You can't think of yourself as successful if you're unable to define it. And even if others see you as successful, but you don't, then this idea of success is simply a facade. So to be successful, define it for yourself.

Here is an exercise to determine what your definition of success is. Take out a piece of paper and write at the top "What is my definition of success?" Then take a good, long moment to think about this question before writing anything down. To help guide you through the process, ask yourself some questions: Who from the past or who in my life would I consider successful? What exactly is it about them that I consider successful? What is the one ingredient that must be present in order for me to consider myself successful? What am I most proud of in my life?

Think in terms of career, family, health, love, money, values, giving, etc. You can further divide your list within these categories and write down what it is about these things that will make you truly successful. For example, in your career, will you consider yourself successful when you come up with the big idea, when you make a six figure salary or when you are able to balance your career and home life effectively? Your list can be as long or short as you want, but make sure your list is realistic and as relevant to your life as possible. Once you are aware of what will concretely make you successful by truly feeling successful, you'll be that much closer to achieving it. Having trouble getting started? Let Ralph Waldo Emerson inspire you with his success list:

• "To laugh often and much;
• To win the respect of intelligent people, and the affection of children;
• To earn the appreciation of honest critics, and endure the betrayal of false friends;
• To appreciate beauty;
• To find the best in others;
• To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
• To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived."

All this is to have succeeded. Success is ultimately interwoven with happiness. Being successful and feeling successful are also interwoven but often independent of each other. Your fancy clothes or wall of trophies may project a level of success to any outsider, but if you aren't happy and fulfilled by wearing those clothes or displaying that trophy, what's the point? If happiness is your ultimate goal, and you are doing whatever it is that makes you genuinely happy, then you can consider yourself successful.