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A young man once came to meet a rabbi ... He had an unusually happy disposition, so the rabbi asked him: "What's your secret? How do you manage to be to so happy all the time?"

"I got a gift of happiness when I was 11 years old."

"A gift of happiness? From whom?"

"From G-d."

The boy narrates this story: He was riding his bicycle one day when a gust of wind came and blew him off the bike ... and right into the path of an oncoming truck. The truck ran over him and cut off his leg, throwing the leg six feet away from him.

As he lay there bleeding, it struck him that he might have to live the rest of his life without a leg. Immediately he was very depressed. Then he realized that his being depressed isn't going to get his leg back. With or without his leg, he decided right then and there that he's not going to waste his life despairing.

He was brought to the hospital and soon after his parents arrived. They stood over him grieving. "What's going to be with him ... the poor child ... without a leg ... this is terrible..."

He said to them, "You know, you have to get used to this."

They looked at him in surprise. "We've got to get used to this? You've got to get used to it."

He said, "No I don't, I'm already used to it."

"Ever since then," he explained, "I see my friends getting upset over little things: their bus came late, they got a bad grade on a test, somebody insulted them. But I just enjoy life."

What clarity did this young man attain at the age of 11? ... That it doesn't help to focus on what you don't have ... It just drags you down. It wastes your energy and doesn't produce a thing.

The key to happiness is to take pleasure in what you do have.

Sounds pretty simple, doesn't it? Well if it's that easy, how come so many people are unhappy?

By and large ... Western society thinks that happiness depends on what you get. Remember when you thought that if you had a car, you'd never be miserable for the rest of your life? If you only met the right girl, if you only had a better job … then you get the car and what happens? For a whole week you're walking on air. Then you go right back to being unhappy.

Judaism says: "Happiness is not a happening. Happiness is a state of mind" ... You can have everything in this world - and you can still be miserable. Or you can have relatively little and feel very rich.

The Talmud says (in Pirkei Avos 4:1) ... "Ayzeh hu ashir? HaSameach B'Chelko." Meaning, "Who is rich? The one who is happy with what he has." If you appreciate what you have, you'll feel rich. If you don't appreciate what you have, no matter how much you get you'll never be satisfied.

That's why a Jew wakes up every morning with a series of prayers ... "Thank you, G-d, for giving me life - Thank G-d I can see - Thank G-d I can use my hands and feet - Thank G-d I can stand up straight" ... Each prayer, each acknowledgment, is a lesson in happiness ... Judaism teaches that if you can master the art of noticing, appreciating, and consciously enjoying what you already have, then you'll always be happy.

Imagine you're up on the 70th floor of the Empire State Building. Suddenly a man opens the window and says he's going to jump.

You call out, "Stop. Don't do it."

"Try to stop me and I'll take you with me."

Noting that the guy is 6-foot-5, you say, "No problem. Have a safe trip. Any last messages?"

He says, "Let me tell you my troubles. My wife left me, my kids won't talk to me, I lost my job and my pet turtle died."

After an hour of stories like this, you're so depressed you're ready to jump with him.

Finally he turns to you and says, "Tell me - why should I go on living?"

What do you say?

Suddenly you get a flash of inspiration.

"Sir, close your eyes for a minute. Now I want you to imagine that you are blind. No colors, no sights of children playing, no fields of flowers, no sunset ... Now imagine that suddenly there's a miracle. You open your eyes and you can see. Are you going to jump ... or will you stick around a week to look around?"

"I'd stick around for a week to see."

"What happened to all the troubles?"

"Ah, I guess they're not so bad. I can see."

And if you really appreciate that you can see, then the other miseries are nothing. On the other hand, if you take all that you have for granted, then nothing in life will really make you happy.

The secret of happiness is to really appreciate what you have. But don't expect that to come naturally, however. It's a skill that must be learned and practiced.

Before we discuss practical tools to learn appreciation, we must first clear up some misconceptions people have about happiness.

Misconception #1: Once I know the tools for being happy, then it will work like magic.

Wrong.

It's possible to understand how to be happy, and not do a thing about it. That's because subconsciously, many of us would rather be comfortable and unhappy - rather than endure the temporary discomfort of changing our habits in order to achieve lasting results ... Learning any new skill requires effort. You have to be willing to invest the pain and effort to achieve real happiness.

Misconception #2: If I become content and satisfied with what I have, I'll lose my motivation to achieve more.

Wrong.

The fact is, happy people are energized. There's never enough time in the day to do everything they want to do. They're always ready to go. They're ambitious. Go over to a happy fellow and say, "Hey, you want to go fishing? I got a boat" ... He'll say "Great. Let's go" ... Now go up to a guy who's depressed and say, "Want to go fishing? You love it, come on." He says, "Maybe tomorrow. And anyway, they said it might rain..."

Misconception #3: Happiness is optional. If I want to be depressed, that's my own prerogative.

Wrong again.

Have you ever gone on a picnic with a bunch of friends on a beautiful Sunday afternoon? Remember the guy who always found something to complain about? "Who forgot the forks? It's too hot for volleyball. I want to go home already." What you feel like saying is ... "Come on, what's wrong with you ... Enjoy yourself otherwise get out of here."

When do you have an obligation to be happy? When you're making someone else miserable.

We all try to put on a happy face when we're at a picnic ... We recognize that it's wrong to spoil everyone else's fun by being miserable. But how about when we're at home, with our kids? ... And what about when we walk into the office on Monday morning? Is it right to make others suffer because we had a bad day? Being happy is part of being considerate to the people around us.

The simplest way to begin appreciating life is to find some things that you really are grateful for, and count them every morning for one month. For example: your eyes, feet, hands; your children, your cat. Establish a set time each day to feel the gratitude and pleasure of having them. Contemplate every aspect of the pleasure they give you.

Here's an illustration to show how this works ... All of us have an uncle or cousin or aunt who loves to complain. Well, the next time you visit your aunt and she wants to complain, you say, very respectfully, "Auntie, you know I came here to suffer with you today. But before we suffer, it's only fair that you also give me five pleasures you had today."

Now she's going to say, "I had no pleasures."

"Auntie, did you have coffee for breakfast?"

"Okay, I had a coffee."

Now don't let her get away with that. Make her share the pleasure. Was it sweet? Warm? Did the aroma linger? Did it give her energy? Relive the pleasure with her. (She'll have to do it because she wants to complain.)

"Okay, it was sweet and it was nice and it was ahh..."

"Okay, another four Auntie."

"I didn't have any more."

"Did you wash your face? Was it pleasant? Warm? Refreshing?" Relive it with her, then another one. Make her go through five pleasures. And after she goes through five pleasures, her complaints won't be nearly as bad.

If you really want to work at this, every evening when you come home from work, sit down with your spouse and discuss one pleasure that each of you experienced that day. You will have a happier spouse ... and that in itself should make you happy. Then incorporate this into your family ritual so that each of your children learns to focus on their daily pleasures in order to have one to share each night.

The next exercise is a bit more sophisticated: Try taking one hour to write down everything you have to be grateful for. This is not as easy as it sounds. You'll fly through the first 15 minutes. The next 15 minutes you'll slow down. The next 15 minutes will get tough, but you can pull through if you include your eyebrows and your socks. The last 15 minutes are excruciating.

Once the list is compiled, add one new blessing each day.

The power of this exercise is clear ... Here is the secret: In order to add new blessings, you have to be conscious of all the others. And that's when you really begin to appreciate how much you have.

Ask yourself: Which is more valuable - my hands or my feet? How about your eyes or your ears? Your sense of taste or your sense of touch?

Notice how "weighing" the pleasures compels you to focus on how much pleasure each provides and the different aspects of pleasure each one gives you.

So, for those who want to become black belts at appreciation ... Prioritize your list. Follow this course and work at it daily. Your gratitude will grow and grow, building a solid foundation to give you true happiness for a lifetime.

There is no question about it; no human being leaves this world having achieved even half of his material aspirations. If one has one hundred dollars, he craves two hundred. If he has two hundred dollars, he craves four hundred. This is stated in the Jewish writings. So where does this insatiable craving come from? A great Jewish sage in Dubno asked this question; “Why is it that when animals satiate their physical drives, they stop, and only man appears to indulge in excesses?”

Dubno was a town in the government of Volhynia, located in Belorussia, Russia (a city in the Ukraine), a stronghold of illustrious rabbis where the Jewish presence was first mentioned in the 16th century. NOTE ... the Jewish population of Dubno in 1941 was approximately 12,000, and during WWII they were put in a ghetto. Many were killed and dumped in mass graves, out of the 12,000 approximately 300 survived. The community was not rebuilt.

Back to the question, the rabbi speaks of spirituality but I’ll extend it to man’s soul seeking something more than any material goods can offer. The musician seeking that perfect note, the painter seeking that perfect color and form, the writer seeking the perfect sentence, the chef seeking that perfect recipe, the architect seeking an exquisite building or bridge, and as the rabbi explains, man seeking a more profound understanding of G-dliness. They are all seeking something infinite, and as such, not attainable.

However, man may not correctly identify the true nature of this craving. When he feels unsatisfied, he may attempt to quell this craving with other gratifications, whether they be food, drink, sex, power, or the acquisition of wealth. These, of course, do nothing to satisfy the quest for that perfect something, nothing to bind him closer to his source, nothing to satisfy his quest for spirituality (using spirituality in its generic sense), and so his indulgence in the above excesses often lead to self-destructive consequences.

He says that recognition of our need for spiritual growth and our pursuit of spirituality can save us from such self-destructive behavior. In no way do I denigrate worldly pursuits; it’s just that (and this is my opinion), that we should always see the bigger picture. The total picture we’ll never know, but at least we should know what motivating forces are working within us when we are pursuing excellence in any field. It is the attraction of our G-dly soul seeking it’s source, or certainly, something greater than we are.

You can develop the habit of being happy just by practicing acting happy. This is not about deception or fooling yourself, but tapping into an amazing quality and spiritual law of life. Your inner being and outer expressions reflect one another:

• If you feel happy inside, it shows up in everything you do.

• In the same way, expressing happiness outwardly also affects your state of mind, creating greater happiness inside yourself.

Try this: Smile ... Smile during difficult times and happy times … even if it doesn't feel like a big, outer smile. Just think "smile." Think "contentment." Doesn't mean you don't have to take appropriate steps in changing what needs changing but you may be surprised by the results.