My brother-in-law burst a heart valve and died over the winter holiday. He was a Police officer and a born again Christian. His Church and work communities were there for my sister through the weeks he was in a coma and through the decision to turn off his life support. I know that I have no such supportive communities to come to my aid.
Helping each other is a good idea. We all want to be the sort of people who will help when needed. We also want help to be there when we need it. But Pagans hate to join, we like to be independent. The cost of that is being alone in times of crisis. We as individuals need to understand what our independence is costing us.
This is not just one more task to give to already overburdened and under-compensated Pagan Clergy. Yes, visiting the sick is a normal part of ministerial work but even paid ministers don't do everything themselves. What we are talking about here is a congregational service committee.
This is not something that we can settle by decree on the list. There is a good reason why people don't take each other on their word. We listen to each other's words but we watch for actions. We don’t believe till we see. Helping must be done face to face. It involves trust. And trust starts small. We need to see each other more often and get to know each other before we will be willing to trust each other to help. It is not enough to say that people should post requests for assistance to the list. People must feel empowered to help. Too often responsibility shared is responsibility neglected. People also need to feel safe asking for help. Asking for help is scary. It means letting other people know you are vulnerable. We need to build up trust before we are ready for that.
We build trust by seeing each other and getting to know each other. We build trust by making friends. And we make friends by being friends.
But Community is more than a group of friends. Community is bigger than that. In the past in a different community I have sat in ritual and felt alienated when someone gushed about how "the Community" was there for them because I never knew it was not "the Community" that was there for them it was their personal friends. "The Community" was never asked, "the community" never had a chance to offer its assistance. And that particular "community" was not there for me when I needed it.
This community here in Ithaca now is made up mostly of solitaries, people with no pagan support group. I belong to a coven. I know how often they are there for me, how much easier they make my life. I wish everyone was so lucky. That is why I am always exhorting people to form groups. There is strength in groups.
Now that we are starting to have regular Sabbats people will have opportunities to meet each other and form friendships which might lead to the formation of working groups. Forming one community out of several working groups is easier, but forming many small groups out of one large community might work.
But it can only happen if people come to events and meetings. And it needs to be the same people over and over again so we can get to know one another and come to trust each other. A service committee is a big job maybe too big for us right now, but if you want to be part of something bigger than yourself that is a force for good in other people’s lives come to the monthly CUUPs meeting or the UPM meeting this Thursday.
I seem to have gotten off topic, but really I haven’t. Helping each other is a good idea. It will happen when we become friends enough to know when someone needs help. Now that the subject has come up let us hope we recognize seize the opportunity when it arises.