Subject: Things I've learned from my children
Things I've learned from my children (honest and no kidding)
There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite
A 4 years old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded resturant
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room
Baseballs make marks on ceilings
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan
When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'Uh-oh,' it's already too late
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak ------- it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Duplos will not
'Play Dough' and 'microwave' should never be used in the same sentence
SuperGlue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
Ditto Tarzan
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water
Pool filters do not like Jello
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving
You probably do not want to know what that odor is
Always look in the oven before you turn it on
Plastic toys do not like ovens
The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
It will, however, make cats dizzy
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
Quiet does not necessarily mean 'don't worry'
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)
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