101 things you don't want to hear during sex.

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101 things you don't want to hear during sex....

1. If you quit smoking you'd have more endurance.
2. You look younger than you feel.
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Hurry up this room rents by the hour!
5. Do you accept Visa?
6. And to think I was really trying to pick up your friend.
7. I hope you're as good looking when I'm sober.
8. Got any penicillin?
9. I thought you had the keys.
10. You're good enough to do this for a living.
11. Don't mind that blood on the headboard?
12. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
13. But everybody looks funny naked.
14. You woke me up for that!
15. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate.
16. Now I know why she dumped you!
17. What tampon?
18. I was sooo horny tonight I'd have taken a duck home.
19. You'll still vote for me, won't you?
20. Maybe it would be better if I thought about somebody I really like.
21. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
22. Sorry but I don't do toes.
23. Vaseline or no vaseline?
24. Please understand I'm only doing this for a raise.
25. You mean you're not my blind date?
26. Do you smell something burning?
27. And they say romance is dead.
28. Try breathing through your nose.
29. A little rug burn never hurt anyone.
30. Watch out for my medical alert pendant?
31. Sweetheart did you lock the back door?
32. But whipped cream makes me break out.
33. This is your first time...right?
34. Hurry up this room rents by the hour.
35. Can you pass the remote control?
36. ZZZZZZZZZZ
37. On second thought, lets turn off the lights.
38. So much for mouth to mouth.
39. Try not to leave any stains ok.
40. It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo.
41. Do you get any movie channels?
42. Try not to smear my make up will you?
43. But I just dry cleaned this couch.
44. But I just brushed my teeth.
45. Smile, you're on candid camera!
46. I want a baby!
47. So much for fulfilment of sexual fantasies.
48. Why am I doing all the work?
49. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth.
50. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
51. I think you have it on backwards.
52. When is this supposed to feel good?
53. Put that back in the kitchen where it belongs.
54. Did I remember to take my pill?
55. I wish we got the playboy channel.
56. That leak better be from the water bed.
57. I told you it won't work without batteries.
58. But my cat always sleeps on my pillow.
59. Did I tell you my aunt Martha died in this bed?
60. No really... I do this part better myself.
61. It's just a rash.
62. You're almost as good as my ex.
63. You can cook too, right?
64. Is that you I smell or is your mattress stuffed with rotten tomatoes?
65. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
66. You sweat more than a galloping stallion.
67. They're not cracker crumbs.
68. Does your husband own a sawed off shotgun?
69. You give me good reason to conclude that foreplay is over-rated.
70. Have you ever considered liposuction?
71. And to think I didn't even have to buy you dinner.
72. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
73. I have a confession...
74. Are those real or am I behind the times?
75. Were you by chance repressed as a child?
76. Is that a hanging sculpture?
77. Did I mention my operation?
78. I hate women who really think sex means something.
79. Did you come yet dear?
80. If you tell me who you're fantasizing about, I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about...
81. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time.
82. Does this count as a date?
83. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you.
84. Hic...I need another beer for this.
85. How long do you plan to almost be there? 86. when would you like to meet my parents?
87. Have you seen Fatal Attraction?
88. sorry I'm not very good with names.
89. Don't mind me I always file my nails in bed.
90. Do you mind if I make a few calls?
91. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off.
92. Don't worry he's a really friendly doberman.
93. You could at least act like you're enjoying it.
94. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.
95. I'll bet you don't know I work for The Sun.
96. So that's why they call you Mr. Flash.
97. My old girlfriend used to do it a lot longer.
98. Is this a sin too?
99. I've slept with more women than Bill Wyman.
100. Hey when is it going to be my turn?
101. Long kisses clog my sinuses.

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