There are many people out there that will tell you what you should do. Your parents may think that you should do the unselfish thing and place your child for adoption. Your teachers and guidance counselors may think you should do the same. Your friends may think you should have an abortion. The father of your child will probably tell you to do whatever you want. After all it is your life not his. So you should do whatever you want.

 There is only one person that can and should make your decision. YOU! I know that the decisions are hard and you may not be able to make them alone and you don't have to. There are people out there that can give you options and advice and information. These people aren't affiliated with adoption agencies and abortion clinics. They are people who have no financial incentive to sway your decision. They are not always going to be the people that love you either. Your parents and your boyfriend may not be the best people to turn to during the decision making process. They may be too emotionally invested to be objective. So.. who can you trust and turn to?

That's a difficult question to answer really. I wish it weren't, but it is. I've looked and I've been unable to find very many people who can be genuinely objective and keep their personal opinions to themselves and just listen. When I tried to search the Internet for groups that would be helpful in this situation, the only sites that came up were planned parenthood and adoption agencies. Both have merit and I think turning to them after you've reached a definite decision is a good thing. Talking to either of them before you've been able to come to your own personal decision will only make you more confused and even worse, they may be able to talk you into something that you are not comfortable with.

 Adoption... It seems like such a wonderful solution to so many problems and sometimes it is. The adoption agencies will tell you about all the wonderful people in this world that are unable to have a child of their own. They will tell you about how loving and nurturing they will be for your child. They will also most likely tell you over and over again that you are not an adequate mother for your own child. They will tell you that the unselfish thing to do would be to give them your child. They will be better parents because they are financially stable and will be able to give your child everything that you cannot.

 Here's the truth though.. What your child needs is love, warmth, touch and security. None of which costs so much. It's nice to be able to give your baby a nursery filled with expensive furniture and toys. It's nice to be able to give your baby designer named clothing and brand named diapers. But your baby doesn't care. Your baby needs to feel his Mommy close to him when he's frightened and hear her soothing voice and feel her comforting touch. Your baby needs to be warm and fed and changed and touched and loved and talked to and read to. Your baby needs YOU!

 It's true that your baby needs physical things. Food, clothing and diapers and a warm home. You'll be able to provide these things with help from state and federal agencies or your family or you may be able to provide them by working and supporting yourself and your baby. But you will be able to provide them. Read one teen mother's storyabout how she found the financial and emotional support to keep her baby and be a good mother. Thinking that your child will be better off with different parents because you can't give your child expensive things is not a valid reason for letting go of him. You are his mother. You are deserving of your baby and he is deserving of you. Please keep this in the forefront of your mind at all times. You are not a bad parent because you may not have a lot of money. If money and things were what made good parents there wouldn't be so many children from affluent families with emotional problems. Emotional problems result from lack of care and love, not from lack of the best bike on the block.
 

There is a lot of evidence that adopted children experience a lot of trauma due to that initial break from their birthmother. The book Primal Wound expresses this well. It's written by an adoptive mother based on her experience with her adopted daughter. If you are thinking of giving your child up for adoption.. please read this book before you make that decision. Your baby will feel the loss of you on a sub-conscience level his entire life.

 Now.. If you search your soul and you find that you cannot provide your child with the love, nurturing and time that he needs, then you have to consider what will be best for your baby. Let me clarify that time doesn't mean being able to stay home with your baby 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I mean that you will be able to forego a lot of the social outings in which a normal teenager would engage and spend that time caring for and loving your baby. It is a matter of responsibility. Being responsible is a must. You'll make mistakes and you'll do things wrong sometimes. All parents do. Even adoptive parents. But as long as you learn from your mistakes and remain consistent in your relationship with your child it'll be ok. Children need stability and the security of knowing that they have a parent or parents that put them first. If you don't feel you'll be able to provide that stability and security your baby will need... this is where you'll want to consider other options. The emotional welfare of your baby is the most important consideration when making your decision. Remember that right now you're young and you're probably scared... but the decisions you make now will be with you for the rest of your life... and that can be a long time... if you make the decision to let go of your baby.. your life will NEVER be the same. You'll live with your child in your heart forever. You will not forget him. Time will not remove him from your heart and your soul. He will be there forever. Some people will try and tell you that you will forget in time and go on as if nothing happened. This just simply isn't true. Other people around you may act as if it never happened..but it'll be you that has that painful heartache with you on a daily basis.. not your parents or your boyfriend or the adoption agency.. and I promise you.. that heartache is very difficult to live with... The normal everyday teenager things that you'll have to miss out on won't seem so important in a few years... letting go of your baby will be with you forever... Forever can be a long time..

I am a birthmother. I never knew that term existed until a few years ago. I gave my child up for adoption 19 years ago. I didn't know that I was given the title of "birthmother" until then. I only knew that my life was never quite right since I'd let go of my son in October of 1980. Please read  My Story about losing David, my son. I felt guilty, worthless, sad, empty and dead inside. I lived a double life. The part of me that the outside world saw was a good woman and a good mother. But the other me was the one that I couldn't let anyone see.. the horrible person that had the ability to give away her flesh and blood. I didn't make my own decisions.. I let the adoption agency and my mother make my decision.. I regret this to this day.. and I pray that you'll not make the same error.. YOU are the one that will have to live with your decision.. and so will your baby.

Please read at least one of the books on my adoption books link before you decide to let go of your precious child. Think about the amount of love and time and patience you have to give your baby.. not the amount of money you have or don't have. And consider that letting go of your child will be a life altering decision and one that is so permanent that you'll never be able to reverse it..  Even if you're fortunate enough to one day meet your child after he grows up.. you'll still have lost all those years with him that you'll never be able to recapture.

Visit my Circle of Adoption Page for the truth about adoption and the effects it has on all those in it's community

If adoption is what you ultimately choose.. Open adoptions.. very open adoptions.. where you have a life long relationship with your child.. are in the best interest of you, your baby and his adoptive parents.. You being able to physically know your child and see him and touch him will be the thing that makes his life all that it should be. Your child is a product of you and his adoptive parents and needs to know both of you in order to feel whole.

You can email me anytime. I'm Susan. I want to help you make the best decision for you as well as your baby. You count too..don't ever let anyone make you believe differently..