Whose arm rest is this? Why do designers of cinema, and tube 

train seats place just one arm rest between every seat, and why has no 

convention/etiquette ever been formed? Let us now study this 

phenomenon and try to come to some conclusions.



	Lets begin by trying to work out a universal system that will 

allow all parties concerned to be happy. If we take a row of chairs, 

and begin with the left-most chair, then let us start by saying that 

person A, who sits here may use the arm rest to their left and call it 

their own. They may not use the right hand rest - this would be rude 

and greedy. The person next to them, person B must use the arm rest to 

the right of A, for they sit to the right of A and will also take the 

arm rest to the left of them. 


	This procedure is repeated all the way down the row, until we 

get to the other end of the row. And then - catastrophe, person Z let 

us call them, at the other end of the row now has the arm rest to 

their left and a spare one to their right! This is clearly unfair, 

person Z may now lounge in maximum comfort. Person Y seeing this may 

become angry and opt to take on person Z for the ownership of the arm 

rest to his right. A chain effect may follow 

and next thing we know we have anarchy.


	Another anarchic scenario occurs when a row is not filled 

sequentially from A to Z but instead fills from both ends 

simultaneously. Person Z sits and opts to call the right arm rest his 

own, whilst at the other end of the row person A has opted for the 

left. As the spaces between A and Z fill a conflicting system is 

travelling from each end, until they meet in the middle and person M 

perhaps finds that he has two arm rests and a similar meltdown as 

described above occurs.


    A whole host of other disasters are possible, imagine person L for 

instance sitting in an empty row, seeing no harm in having both arm 

rests. Then the other chairs fill and - well need I say more.


    Of course the most common scenarios are not as elaborate as these, 

they usually consist of sitting in a seat and trying very politely to 

offer a small bit of both arm rests to your neighbours on both sides, 

only to find that they do not share the same levels of courtesy and 

instead opt to take over the rests, pushing you onto a minuscule bit 

at the edge and giving you an annoying amount of personal contact for 

a stranger, and apparently being oblivious to this. Or you sit down, 

find yourself to be in a fairly satisfactory arm rest allocation 

scenario, then you lean forward to get something out of your coat, and 

when you lean back you have been guzumped to the tune of two rests, 

now you are rest-less, but you feel it would be petty, not to mention 

embarrassing to mention this state of affairs, so you sit and suffer 

in silence, ruining the film that you are watching or making the train 

journey last forever.


    Something must be done. A public education programme must be 

initiated before its too late. Act now! Make announcements whenever 

you find seating of this type. Take on the responsibility of being

spokesperson for the row, rise up and say in a loud, clear voice: 

"Ladies & Gentleman, I suggest we all opt for the left rest convention 

as proposed by the Packed Lunch Party, and that the person who is 

right-most, in the true spirit of the Packed Lunch Treaty, abstains 

from right arm rest use!" I feel sure that this will be appreciated 

and indeed welcomed.


	Please Note: Pilchard & Hula Hoop Packed Lunch Party will not 

accept responsibility for any injuries that may occur as the result of 

becoming a Chair Arm Warrior.