Conflicts

Sometimes I’m afraid
But of what I don’t know
Wanting so much to be held, to be loved
Then angry at my heart for betraying me
Wanting to be vulnerable,
Yet fearing the same
Wanting to fill others
But am I whole myself
Gaining a glimpse of understanding
Only to have it swept away by a moment of clarity
Why the confusion within?
Is this what it takes to grow?
Must I struggle so?
Can I be totally me?
Yes, then again no