Battle River Teachers' Association

"And on the lighter side of teaching..."

The following is a page on which we will attempt to give you a reason to smile. Our students are the people who help keep us young at heart (although sometimes they can make us feel very old). Their freshness and energy is infectious and can often be the cause for much laughter and humour.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES

KIDS ON THE TOPIC OF LOVE

KIDS' INSTRUCTIONS ON LIFE

THE SPEED TRAP

CARTOONS

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FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES...

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

Better To Be Safe Than. .. Punch A 5th Grader.
Strike While The... Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But... How?
Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.
No News Is... Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.
Love All, Trust... Me!
The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There is... Pollution.
Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!
A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.
Laugh & The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry & You Have To Blow Your Nose.
None Are So Blind As... Helen Keller.
Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.
There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Edie.

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KIDS ON THE TOPIC OF LOVE

Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute and very enlightening, thus proving that all we need to know, we probably learned in kindergarten.

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other." (Judy, 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tommy, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE:
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9)
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long to learn." (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE AND ROMANCE:

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." (David, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' are on TV." (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE ?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY, "I LOVE YOU":

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS:

"You learn it right on the spot, when the 'gooshy' feelings get the best of you." (Doug, 7)
"It might help if you watched soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)
"Don't forget your wife's name...that will mess up the love." (Roger,8)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out." (Randy, 8)

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KIDS' INSTRUCTIONS ON LIFE

Never trust a dog to watch your food. (Patrick, Age 10)

When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. (Matthew, Age 12)

Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. (Andrew, Age 9)

Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. (Rocky, Age 9)

Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. (Stephanie, Age 8)

Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. (Rosemary, Age 7)

Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower. (Lamar, Age 10)

Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. (Carrol, Age 9)

Never bug a pregnant mom. (Nicholas, Age 11)

Don't ever be too full for dessert. (Kelly, Age 10)

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. (Heather, Age 16)

Never tell your mom her diet's not working. (Michael, Age 14)

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. (Joel, Age 12)

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. (Alyesha, Age 13)

Never try to baptize a cat. (Laura, Age 13)

Never spit when on a roller coaster. (Scott, Age 11)

Never do pranks at a police station. (Sam, Age 10)

Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. (Rob, Age 10)

Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do. (Hank, Age 12)

Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. (Molly, Age 11)

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. (Chelsey, Age 7)

Stay away from prunes. (Randy, Age 9)

Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. (Phillip, Age 13)

Forget the cake. Go for the icing! (Cynthia, Age 8)

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THE SPEED TRAP

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the problem: a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.

Click here to return to the TABLE OF CONTENTS at the top of this page.

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Click here to return to the TABLE OF CONTENTS at the top of this page.

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Battle River teachers (and anyone else who may be interested) are invited to submit cartoons, anecdotes, etc. to be included on this page. They can be mailed or faxed to Glenn Hegel at Neilburg Composite School, or e-mailed to the Battle River Teachers Association. Please include your name and any other details I may need to contact you or give you credit. Submissions may be subject to editing. This page is always under construction, so please return again. Time to work on this and other pages on our website is limited, so please bear with us as we add to this and other pages a bit at a time.

Click here to E-mail the Battle River Teachers Association. We would like to hear from you.

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