Well... maybe not all about matzo, but everything you need to know to work with the holy cracker.
Matzo FAQ
Q: What's matzo?
A: You're lookin' at it. (Though it may look a bit moldy on your monitor...) It's a wheat flour and water dough, rolled out cracker thin and baked until crisp. But you're nuts if you do this yourself. Plural: matzos.
Q: What matzos should I buy?
A: Plain, unsalted matzos. Manischewitz is a good brand. Avoid egg matzos like the plague; salted, onion, garlic etc. are also not very useful for cooking purposes.
Q: What's matzo meal?
A: Ever seen bread crumbs? Same idea. Again, Manischewitz is a good brand. If you are stuck with a box of matzos and no matzo meal, just go crazy with a heavy object on a piece of matzo. (It helps to place the matzo in a plastic bag first...) Of course, you can also use a food processor.
Q: This stuff tastes awful. What am I supposed to do with it?
A: Well, this is a matter of taste; if you grew up with the stuff, you probably enjoy eating it plain with no condiments. If not, then you will probably want to schmeer all kinds of crap on it, and you will still wonder why you have a matzo in your mouth and not a Ritz cracker.
What do you do with this stuff? Matzo meal is essential for matzo balls (see below), which are essential for Jewish chicken soup. Matzo meal is also used in latkes (potato pancakes). Matzos can be eaten plain, with butter, with gefilte fish, or with horseradish (particularly yummy: beet horseradish). Scrambled eggs and matzo (AKA matzo brie) is also pretty great stuff.
Matzo Balls: Basic Recipe
If you can't find Manischewitz unsalted matzo meal in your grocery store, here is their matzo ball recipe, straight off the box, with editorial comments from yours truly.
MATZO BALLS
2 tbsp melted fat or oil
2 large eggs, slightly beaten
1/2 cup Manischewitz matzo mealt
1 tsp salt, if desired
2 tablespoons soup stock or water
Blend fat or oil and eggs together. (Angstwolf prefers butter; the melted fat from the chicken is more traditional.) Mix matzo meal and salt together. Add matzo meal and salt mixture to egg and fat mixture and blend well. Then add soup stock or water (water??? if you want any flavor, you're not going to get very far by adding water) and mix until uniform. Cover mixing bowl and place in refrigerator for 15 minutes.
Bring 1.5 quarts of slightly salted water to a brisk boil. (Oy, I can't bear this. If you want your matzo balls to have any flavor at all, cook them in the soup!) Reduce flame and into the slightly boiling water drop balls approximately 1 inch in diameter that have been formed from the refrigerated mixture. Cover pot and simmer for 30 to 40 minutes. Add matzo balls to soup.
(If you cook the matzo balls in the soup, the soup takes on a richer flavor, as do the matzo balls. I cannot believe some people make their matzo balls this way.)
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