"So, it's a hold portal spell?", I asked the young mage I was interviewing today. "No, it's a Hold Portal spell", said the mage, he was looking flustered. I imagine I was, too. Why anyone would think these translation spells are useful is beyond me. This is our third time through this.
Oh, hi, you're back. Guess what. That Glow Cloud really did turn out to be swamp gas. That's why I'm not going to be smoking on interviews any more. I was only singed fortunately. What? No, I told you last time I don't do magic. The translation spell? Oh, that's cast on a set of Walkie-talkies. Yeah, they hired a wizard to do it. You remember that movie "Men in Black"? Well, we work similarly to that only instead of high-tech alien gadgets, we have magic items. Sorry to disappoint you. Well I have to get back to work.
"OK, It's not a Hold Portal Spell, (I was thinking it would hold a door closed,) and it's not a Hold Portal spell (thinking it would hold the door opened,) and it's not a Hold portal spell (thinking it would cause someone else to hold the door for you)." the Mage nodded to each look thoroughly frustrated. "Right, It's none of those things", he said. I've had better interviewees. "Then what does it do?" I asked. " Just what the name, Say it's a HOLD portal spell." He answered. This was getting me no where. " Is there anything else about the spell you can tell me?" "Only that it's reversible." He said with a sigh. Reversible? Maybe that would give me a clue. "What's it do when it's reversed?", finally, I'll get a new answer. "then it's a H O L D Portal Spell" he said very slowly. "ARGGHHH", I couldn't take it any more. "Just let me, get the camcorder ready and show me" We were suppose to have a better idea of the spells nature before we did this, but this spell sound harmless, based on it's admittedly confusing name. "As you wish, but I'll need a portal to demonstrated on perhaps the one on your conveyance?" Why do they always go after the car, oh well, is a government one, "Sure, fine, whatever, OK, I'm ready you can do it now" So the mage started gesturing and chanting and a moment later, a neat 1" hole appeared in the car door. OK, that wasn't what I was expecting. "You did say this was reversible right.?", I asked. "Completely, Should I come back When I learn how to do that version of the spell?" It figured, and he wasn't hiding his mirth, well. "Don't bother I'll have someone else do it.", this was going to hard to explain to the motor pool. "Well, then I'll be taking my leave of you" with that he cast a spell and stepped through the gate that formed.
This was not one of my better assignments, but at least this time it wasn't the Translations spells fault. No, this time I had the English language to blame. Just my luck, the spell would be called Holed portal and Wholed portal for it's reverse. No wonder, I couldn't get anywhere, they had translated perfectly. Still, it is odd that the Mage couldn't find a way of phrasing it. That would have made the distinction clear...
(On the other side of the portal) As the mage, stepped through the portal he dwindled and his features took on an Faerie cast, And started laughing, "Shamus, We must remember to tell the wizard Goradan, that his debt to us is paid. That mis-translation spell, he cast for them, is the most fun I've had with mortals in generations." Said Sean. " Agreed," said Shamus "Who would have thought calling a scrying spell, a Spell of Voyeu-ich, would be so much fun, but the one I had took forever to figure it out. Yes, we must tell him next time we see him" and with that the two Leprechauns started making plans that would prevent them from seeing the Wizard Goradan for a hundred years or so.
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