THE HUSBAND OF ONE WIFE
in First Timothy 3:2 & Titus 1:5
Introduction
In the Old Testament cities were ruled and judged by their elders who were known to have the greatest wisdom and experience in the community. In the New Testament period there were prominent older men who served in the synagogues called "elders." Paul used this term in his teaching with regard to church leadership rather than instituting some new term that most would not understand. These elders, as Paul calls them, were to be appointed in every city, and he is giving these instructions to two of his closest companions, namely, Titus and Timothy, who were young pastors in various cities.
In the church today there is much to say regarding leadership. Who should lead and what are the qualifications of a leader? It is clear from Paul’s teaching that the leadership of any church must be male and have some very outstanding character traits. Some of the traits Paul gives are difficult to attain to, but he makes it clear, speaking under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, that the elders of the church must be above reproach and have a family to back up his leadership ability (if he has a family). Paul further states that this man must be "the husband of one wife."
The purpose of this essay is to discuss that "husband of one wife" actually means -- not only what it meant to Paul but also what it means in the church today. The failure of a man to be a "one woman man" is one of the greatest failures in the church today, and it seems to have put more men out of ministry than any other sin. While remaining married to one woman is very commendable for men in the church (and outside for that matter), there are many instances where the moral purity of that man can still be in question. Titus 1:6 and 1 Timothy 3:2 both speak of this character trait, and each one will be looked at in its context in order to form any and all conclusions.
Titus 1:5-9 -- For this reason I left you in Crete, that you might set in order what remains, and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, 6 namely, if any man be above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. 7 For the overseer must be above reproach as God's steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, 9 holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, that he may be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict.
1 Timothy 3:1-3 -- It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. 2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, uncontentious, free from the love of money.
There is more that is expected and required of an elder than just a willingness to serve in the local body. Paul lists numerous qualities, but the first specific one is that the elder, or overseer, is to be the "husband of one wife." Interpreted literally from the Greek text it means a "one woman man" or "one woman husband" because the word for man and husband are the same.. This phrase is somewhat difficult and has prompted many different interpretations, but most commentators agree that the phrase prohibits any who have been divorced and remarried from becoming elders. Divorce is, at its core, failure -- failure in marriage and the home. This is not an unforgivable sin, but it is a disqualification for being in church leadership. Those in the early church (second and third centuries) saw even remarriage following the death of a spouse as disqualification for church leadership. They reasoned that it showed a lack of self-control and a need for self-indulgence -- two traits that had no part in leadership. The Apostle Paul honored marriage, but he also honored the benefits of celibacy (1 Corinthians 7:37-38) even for those who had lost a mate.
Constable has listed four possible interpretations of this phrase. First, the elder must be married. In this instance this is a good trait because being a married man and overseeing a family helps in overseeing a church. The problem with this view is that there is an emphasis on the word "one" in the Greek text suggesting a contrast between one or more wives rather than no wives.
The second possible interpretation according to Constable is that the man must only be married once. On the good side of this interpretation is the fact that if a man does not remarry following the death of his spouse, he provides a better example for the church of what it means to be Spirit controlled and totally dependent on God’s grace. The problem with this is that there is nothing essentially wrong with remarriage following the death of one’s spouse or when the other partner has been unfaithful as evident in passages like 1 Corinthians 7:9 and Romans 7:2-3.
The third view offered is that the man must be monogamous. This view sees as disqualified any man who is married to more than one woman at a time. This was a common practice in Jewish, Roman, and Greek circles in Paul’s day. In favor of this view is the emphasis on "one" in "one woman man" in the Greek text. But, in order to be consistent, one would have to conclude that polyandry (having more than one husband at one time) was also common, but it was not. Going further, if this is all Paul meant he hardly needed to mention this because it was evident that this practice was unfitting for Christians (cf. 1 Cor. 7:2).
The fourth view Constable offers is that the man must be a moral husband. This view sees as disqualified any man who is or has been morally unfaithful to his wife. This is the preferred view of this writer because it encompasses all the previous three. However, the first view that a man MUST be married is simply not credible due to the fact that Paul himself and Jesus were not married.
Noted pastor Dr. John MacArthur says that it is important to understand what "husband of one wife" does not mean; he lists a number of things. First, although polygamy is clearly forbidden in the New Testament (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:2) this is not what Paul is speaking of. Being married to only one spouse at a time applies to all believers, not just church leaders. Nor is the reference to a widower who has remarried, a practice that is perfectly permissible (cf. Romans 7:1-3;
1 Corinthians 7:39; 1 Timothy 5:14). Paul is not even saying that an elder has to be married. If that were the case then he himself could not have been an elder -- nor could Jesus for that matter. The lack of a definite article is noticeable in the original text, and it seems to imply that the leader’s marital status is not the issue. In other words, a candidate for elder did not have to be married at all to be an elder. If just being married were Paul’s point then he simply could have stated it that way. Paul was not married, and it is arguable that he was an elder in Antioch before he stepped out into the role of an apostle (Acts 13:1) -- and he was not married (1 Corinthians 9:5).
Some say the Apostle Paul is not referring to divorce, otherwise he would have mentioned it. However, it is most likely that an unbiblical divorce is in view here but not stated. Divorce is an issue that has always been touchy, but it has always been wrong too. Jesus graciously permitted a divorce in the case of infidelity, but He clearly stated that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Paul went further in the case of divorce and allowed an unbelieving spouse, if he/she wanted to leave, to be able to leave without causing the believing spouse to sin.
Conclusion
So what is the final meaning of this rather ambiguous statement, and how does it relate to the church today? It appears that being the husband of one wife refers to the singularity of a man’s faithfulness to the woman who is his wife and implies inner as well as outward sexual purity. Of course it is not only possible but highly prevalent in today’s society for a man to be married to a woman and yet not be a "one woman man." This is due to all the double lives men lead today, the problems that pornography brings into a man’s life, and the problem of lust. Jesus said that when a man looks at a woman with lust in his heart has already committed adultery with her (Matthew 5:28). Going further, some men attach themselves emotionally to other women and actually seek out their company. Though they may always remain faithful to their wives sexually, emotionally they are devoted to another. This does not qualify as a "one woman man." Men like this should not be considered for the position of elder because this is not a behavior that is above reproach. The bottom line is that a man’s wife, if he is married, should be his only love. Of course Christ must be his first love, but if he is married to a woman he is to committed to her and to her only.
In the case of a man who has been divorced while at the same time a professed believer in Christ, though this is not what Paul tackles here, this man is not above reproach and should not be considered for the position of elder in a local church. He can and should serve if willing but not as an elder who oversees doctrine and proper Christian behavior in the church. There are many other men who have not been divorced and who can fall under these categories of quality character who should be given the opportunity to serve. The question still remains as to whether or not a man who was divorced prior to faith in Christ can be considered as an elder in his local church assembly. Those who say these men are disqualified have often been regarded as legalistic and unforgiving. After all, since God forgives man shouldn’t man forgive man? The answer of course is “yes,” but this issue has nothing to do with forgiveness, rather, it’s about qualifications. Qualifications for certain offices, both secular and Christian, have high standards that, fair or unfair, are often lost with one mistake – often a mistake that occurs in one’s distant past. God’s grace is all powerful however, and again, this issue is not an issue of not being forgiven by God – it is an issue of being the best person for the job. The past sins of men will always haunt them even though they have been forgiven by God. A man reaps what he sows (Galatians 6:7-10), and any man who is a Christian who has been divorced should not be considered as an elder. Men divorced while they are non-Christian and who become Christian later in life who want to serve as elders are many times no less qualified than many of their fellow Christian brothers to serve that office because we are all sinful. However, this issue goes back to being a “man above reproach,” and although this of course doesn’t mean one has to be a sinless man, it does carry the implication of having no “skeletons in one’s closet.” These men must pray diligently and be completely convinced of their qualification or disqualification because the text does not answer it specifically. For pursuit of this office is not taken lightly by God or the men who ultimately decide whether or not to appoint certain men as elders. A man who has a divorce in his past who enters into ministry can have a very successful ministry bringing others to faith in Christ and modeling pure Christian behavior. However, this does not mean that he somehow retains the right to be an elder. It is simply not an office that is for every man. The restrictions are clear, and most are disqualified from serving there officially. Just because a man has a strong desire and a pure heart to serve in that capacity does not mean he is worthy to do so. Single men, however, who have never been married and who line up with Paul’s qualifications, can and should be considered as elders. An elder must not even have a hint of sexual impurity in his life. This is the entire point of the phrase. He must have a lifelong reputation for goodness and purity because it is these characteristics that separate a leader from the pack, and a godly leader must distinguish himself from the rest of the world. If a church were to bring in a morally corrupt man to lead then it will pay the price somewhere down the road because it is a blatant contradiction to what God’s word teaches.
WORKS CITED
Dr. Tom Constable’s DTS classnotes from 1 Timothy, pages 27-32.
Keener, C., 1993. The IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament. Intervarsity Press: Downers Grove.
Litfin, D.A., 1983. The Bible Knowledge Commentary: 1 Timothy. Victor Books: USA, Canada, England.
MacArthur, J., 1996. The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: Titus. Moody Bible Institute: Chicago.