[continued]
Have you ever eaten out at a steak house?? They hardly have any chicken on the menu. And arg! I ate some chicken, and i didnt care to notice that they had put bacon underneath my cheese! BACON ATE BACON!! =O Hee hee. Uhm..i went with my boyfriend and ex-bf. Most people would warn me against such a thing, but i really wanted to have that experience and see what it would do to me. It did a lot. I think that im going to take a break from things that are somewhat stressing me. yeah..that would include thinking about college, but i should be doing things about college. Someone advised me to go to a college outside of this city so as to leave all of my problems i guess..But i've always learned its wrong to run away from your problems. You have to face them headon. So why am i taking a break from my problems?? Because i deserve one. If i try and handle them right now without thinking about them thouroughly, then i'll end up making a mistake that i'll just have to live with. I hate mistakes. Today school kinda sucked, one of my friends was really depressed =( i wish i could have done more to make her happy, but i think she just needed to cry to get it out of her system. I really hope she'll be okay...Uhm..what else to say. I just got home from school, so im not sure if there is anything else that will happen during the day. Cept i really wish a certain someone would hurry up and read a certain book so that a certain someone can read it next!!!!
Well i havent written in quite awhile and someone asked me today when i was going to update my ramblings. :) hee hee. im updating it now. Nothing much went on this weekend, went to the movies on Saturday night with a good friend, saw Bless the Child, Christina Ricci is in that movie. She didnt have much screentime!! And that kinda sucked, but oh well. Today i wore my hair down, and i got hit on twice by a group of guys. I thought that was really wierd, but i couldnt help but feel flattered. *blushes* Guess this means i'll be wearing my hair down more!! ;) *laughs* Just kidding!! Ever notice how in school some people dress up to impress everyday?? I always thought that was wierd. "school isnt a freaking fashion show! its not like some sort of animal kingdom parade!" -kozmo- The other day i was getting really down and depressed, and i just really wished that i wasnt around. *sigh* I hate it when i get sad. Its not a pretty site at all....blah. alright, dont want to dwell on it, im better now. :) uhm..dunno what else to write about. Guess i'll shut up and go on trying to see if i can save this crappy site of mine....
Today was a not so great day. I woke up late on purpose, a friend of mine had said that he was going to give me a ride to school. We both wanted to go to this club meeting, so he offered to take me. I thought "great! i get to sleep in late!" WRONG! my sister kept on stumbling around the room leaving me half asleep-half awake. so i wake up, and i go to take a shower, come out, get a call from my friend. "uhm jess..i just woke up, so i wont be able to take you to school, sorry" "......okay..." i looked at my watch and whadda know??! i had less then 5 minutes to get ready!! but hey! im jessica. so i took about 3 minutes to get ready. im glad i never turned out to be one of those chicks that takes like at least an hour to get ready. nope nope nope, just throw me on some clothes and im set to go!! :) The olympics started sometime this weekend, i've been watching a few of the games..cool. I should be in the games. But a new category. "lazy ass girls sitting on couch watching tv" ^_^ I think its so funny how america isnt winning a lot of gold medals, and when they dont. Most americans are like all mad and stuff, hee hee. Hilarious!!! Like america is suppose to be #1 or something. Haw!
Oh what a day what a day...it seemd to go by very quickly. My hands were freezing a lot during my computer classes. Apparently the school banned the Hotmail site. So i can no longer check my emails while at school...whats up with crap?! Its not fair! =P blah blah blah, but i cant do a damn thing about it...wish i was a hacker..hee hee. ^_^ Uhm, we had an Art Society meeting today, they rawk! Its almost just like a mini-party. :) We made stuff out of marshmallows, toothpicks, jellybeans, and popcorn. But...most of the stuff ended up in our mouths rather then becoming pieces of art. *grin* Afterwards my brother picked me up, and to my suprise my friend Sarah was with him!!! AWESOME!! ^_^ So we went home really fast, i gave her a quick tour of my room, and then we went to da mall. yay! I ate a lot at the mall...hee hee, and i ended up making them take me home so i could use the potty. *huge grin* It was getting late anyways, and i had homework to do. Now im here at home...wow what fun. =|
Woohoo!! We get a 3 day weekend from school, thats sooo awesome. Although sometimes i wish i was at school, instead of inside my stupid house. My parents are good parents, they feed us, clothe us, etc etc. All the things parents should do. But other then that, they are like the freakin CIA and full time Prison Guards. They are TOO over protective of us! Especially me. And that totally blows. They say they trust me and whoever i go out with when i hang out, but then why do they insist that my little 14 yr old sister go with me sometimes??? That fucking sucks!! My dad has told me those things that are said on tv right before the kid runs away. [notice i have not run away, proving that i am a good child. sometimes i wish i werent] "Jessica, if we werent protective of you then we'd be bad parents. i"d rather be overprotective, then not giving a crap what you do and letting you do whatever you want." "jessica, as long as you live under our roof you'll follow our rules, we dont care even when you turn 18, you obey us!" ARGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW!!! teen angst at its best. *sigh*
Once again i have to bring up the issue of my parents. They are strict and old fashioned. I understand their concern for me, and many times i will agree with what they have to say. But still, sometimes they go overboard. Its like they expect everyone else that i come into contact with has to obey their rules as well. *sigh* When will the maddness end?? Yesterday was my 2 month anniversary with my boyfriend Thomas. *Huge grin* He is such a sweetheart! Sometimes i feel i dont deserve the guy...its almost too perfect. And to be honest, i've kinda tried finding the flaws in everything, and there arent any real ones. So maybe im just scared. . . I need to allow myself more room to accept things. Yep yep yep. Maybe i should hire a maid to do all the work for me around the house when i grow up. *laughs* Just kidding. [but if i did get one, her name would have to be like Lupita, or Panchita hee hee] Im growing tired, yet its only 11:30pm, and i have no school tomorrow. I need a life.
Whew, just returned from this choir spaghetti dinner. Lousy food dude! But some of my friends were there, so thats cool. They kept asking me if i missed choir, because they all really missed choir. To be honest, i only miss standing on stage and getting that feeling of accomplishment. I dont miss the practices, having to pay for all the useless crap i'll never use again, the cliques...gawd..i hated the cliques. I really really dont miss the cliques..*shudders* Its so funny, because things are almost the same in the choir, except some of the gossip is a bit more jucier...*Laughs* If you only knew...hee hee. ^_^ Ahh..*sighs* Uhm..once again my mind has gone kerplunk. And i'd just like to say one last thing..I HATE AIM AND MY FREAKING COMPUTER!! THEY HAVE BEEN POSSESSED THESE PAST 2 DAYS AND I HATE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *coughs* Ahem. That is all.
Today was an educational day. I learned alot about 'driving cars'. My innocent mind has become corrupted!
Save me now!!
*grin*
I've reached another point in my life in which i have to make a big decision. Why is it that this year has been testing me so much? Is it some sort of sign? Do i bring it upon myself? Can it all be avoided? Should it all be avoided? I keep telling myself that there is a lesson to be learned, and well....it seems i keep going around in circles. This is my last year of highschool, and i've had to do a lot of growing up. It'll all be beneficial for me later on down the road..The people i've met, and the things i've seen and done have amazed me. How did i get to this point?
Today feels like a Sunday. Dont ask me why, just does. I stayed up late last night because i had gone out with my friend julie and her ex-bf wesley. we went to the movies and saw the Exorcist. I had never seen the original, so i went in expecting something freaky and scary. I got neither really. Instead i found the movie classic to be somewhat hilarious. It really bored me in the beginning, it was showing too many uncessary shots, etc etc. I Love making witty remarks during movies to spice them up a bit. After the movie we went out to eat at Bennigans. I had never eaten there before, it was pretty yummy. In the middle of the night i started to feel really crappy, and got sick at around 5am. I then continued to wake up about 10 or so more times during the night and morning. At about 9am my friend Tiffany called asking if i was going to the Partners Club Car Wash, i was still feeling crappy, and i was like asleep at the moment. So i said i wouldnt be going. Later on i started to feel much better, and figured i might as well not go to the car wash because i didnt want to show up late. My daddy said "lets to go the renaissance festival" and i said "cool!" It ended up that Me, Julie, My dad, my little sister, her friend, and our next door neighbor Edmar all went. I had been about 2 times already to the festival, and i was really looking forward to going again this year. And i dont know why...but whenever i really enjoy something, i want everyone else that i like to love it just as much as i did. But julie didnt like the festival as much as i did, and for some reason i understood. The atmosphere seemed the same...but i felt different. I still loved it though, the part i probably loved best was when her and i were just sitting on a bench watching people go by. I love people watching!! Its the greatest thing in the world. I didnt eat too much there to my surprise, normally i eat a whole lot during the day. Hmm..the high prices of the food, and the shortage of money probably had something to do with it. Uhmm..I want to go to the festival again though. This time with a group of friends and not my family [ie. dad or sis]. I really wanted to have my boyfriend thomas there, because i miss him a lot, and im sure he would have enjoyed the festival. everytime i'd see a cute dork there, or someone gay. *laughs* I'd think about him. Hee hee. Silly i know, but i couldnt help it. ^_^ Gosh, i've not written a really long rambling in a looong ass time. "la dee dah". I have really neat friends this year. Our lunch table causes such a riot, luckily i dont partake in most of it, i wont be ashamed to admit that it sometimes embarasses me having the whole cafeteria look at us. *sighs* Its only 10:20pm, and im already yawning a lot. i walked around too much. i didnt buy anything for me. just for my mommy, i saw these really pretty copper roses that were scented. so my daddy, me and my sister all split the cost and got it for her. she loved it. *grins* which reminds me..my dad. he is getting on my nerves once again. yeah yeah yeah, i know i get on his nerves all the time. but im a teenager. he worries too much about the stupidest little things. instead of worrying about why im upset or depressed most of the time, he worries about why i stay online so much [to talk to friends] , why i watch too much tv [to avoid being on the puter which he thinks im on too much], or why i eat so much [i love eating.] *sighs sadly* Im reminded of a song right now, dont remember who sings it, or if i even have the lyrics right.." i dont mean to walk around in circles walk around in circles walk around in circles walk around again..."
Everyone around me seems to be: upset, frustrated, scared, annoyed, or sad. Yes, i'll admit that some do appear to be happy. But like i said, they appear to be happy. All of this teen angst is so fuckin ridiculous. I cant wait till we get out of this stupid highschool and enter the real world. The world in which the "preppy" kids wont be the center of attention, where the "dorks" will have a high paying job, the "loners" and "freaks" will realize that they arent "weird" or very "original", the "floaters" will actually start to make more friends, and the kids who have always realized this will finally be set free and enjoy life. So those of us shouldnt cry and bitch so much, our freedom will soon come. In the meantime i say we make lots of mistakes and learn from them. Just try and get by alive. Cause once we turn our stupid overpriced tassels over on our caps, we will no longer have to suffer the torture of the caste system in school. We'll be subjected to adult life. Saving up all our money, paying taxes, getting to work on time, trying to find some quality time with our friends, leading a rough life, that at least isnt too fake.. That's another thing that crossed my mind today during a senior class meeting. We wont be seeing each other hardly at all after highschool. Most friends go to college out of state, or move to another part of town. We'll be busy with our jobs and new friends, that even though we dont mean to, or even notice...we will all start to dissapear. Im not saying that i'll never forget my friends, i remember ALL of my friends, even the ones i kept for a short period of time. But everyone i know that has already graduated always tells me of not seeing many of their friends since graduation day. They'll occasionally catch a glimpse of them while driving down the street, or shopping at a store, or going to a concert. All the memories come flooding back and they are amazed that so many years have gone by. And wonder either why they havent done much, or see how far they have come. Life is grand. Those of us that choose to live it "happily" without the aid of some sort of drug are stronger i think. Yeah yeah yeah, those real heavy drug users will just say "youre not stronger! youre just a pussy for not trying them!" well ya know what? Screw them! My stream of conciousness is fading a bit....today my sister started Confirmation classes at church. For those of you who dont know what that is, they are classes that they make catholics take at some point in their life [after communion and baptism]. Its just like reaffirming your belief in Jesus and God, and accepting them more into your life, and helping to volunteer at church, and be like a Disciple of God. [ie. spreading the word of the Lord]. I remember when i had to take those classes...It was boring. The only thing that got me through it was the fact that there was this reallllllly cute guy in my class. *laughs* On the first day of classes they said "we do not want you to be taking these classes if you are not serious about having your confirmation. you shouldnt have to be in here if your parents forced you to take these classes...so please leave the room if you do not seriously want to have your confirmation" Do you think anyone left???? Hell NO! Of course we stayed, and im sure 95% of us in there were only there to "win" our ticket into heaven, or please our parents. [ a few weeks later a guy admitted to only doing it because his parents were going to throw him a party, and he was going to get lots of gifts] Why did i stay? Because i was very curious about my religion and wanted to figure some things out. I didnt really agree with everything that was said or read from the Bible. I could have just argued endlessly with the teacher, but i choose to shut up and just follow the flow. [thats basically what the whole religion is about anyways, being a sheep] I finally had my confirmation, and the night of it, the Bishop went down the pews asking questions to see if we had paid attention during class. Nobody wanted to raise their hands up to answer the questions. So i rose mine up, i figured "heck, might as well make my god parent proud, and prove that this wasnt all a waste of time.." I answered it correctly and felt proud. I do love God and Jesus and whatnot, dont get me wrong. I do very much. I just now choose to not really follow all the rules that are set for us Catholics. Leading me to the conclusion that I am probably not Catholic anymore...Im just Jessica. Here goes the ending quote from the great movie Trainspotting, "Getting by. Looking ahead. The day you die."
Things im scared of:
rollercoasters, sharks, sharp objects, smelly foods, great heights, not being able to breath, chest pains, speeding cars, 18 wheelers, evil teachers, principals, pain, broken heart, someone i love dying, fire, driving, being ignored, failing, evil cats, huge buff people, door to door salespeople, being in the woods at night, huge dogs, big bugs, voting, graduating, not knowing who is fake, a life with no music or art, waking up deaf or blind, never finding that one person...
and much much more that i cant think of............
What is the deal with graduation?? Someone made a comment that i completely agree with, i would have said it, but i couldnt find the right words. [i have a horrible vocabulary] "Being a senior is their chance to make money off of us graduating" And i completely agree with that. Sure i understand doing fundraisers for our prom and afterprom, but anything other then that is gay. G-A-Y! [nothing against gay ppl] IE:Graduation ceremony. What's the real point?? All you do is sit down in a stupid chair, wear a tacky gown and cap. turn the tassel. ta-da! Lots of money wasted. My lame ass brother just came up with a good point. Let the buyer beware. We dont HAVE to purchase this shit, but its tradition. Blah blah blah....Well. All i know is that im glad its not really my money, its my parents. Hee hee. Today i noticed that i cant eat as much as i'd love to at lunch. Honestly, i dont mind if my friends are hungry and take a bit of my food. But those days when im starving, and before i even sit down to eat "BACON! Can i have your roll?? Can i have a chicken nugget? Can i have your potatoe? Can i just eat everything for you and let you starve??" =P Alright. I started to exaggerate a bit towards the end of that...At least now you catch my drift. Lemme slide onto another topic. I feel like my life, which was once not complicated, has been declining. I used to be full of such great advice, and now..i hardly can remember a damn thing. Im forgetting a lot of things, and like sarah said in her ramblings, it seems like there is not really a point in life anymore. It is true..im somewhat forgetting what makes me really excited, theres not too much to look forward to now a days. Sure there are a few things, like hanging out with my friends, going to this concert, club parties, poetry writing experience. But if i sit down and look at all these things closely..Ah well. They are great. At least i have SOMETHING to look forward to. Others dont. Okay okay okay!! I fess up! [i've been doing a lot of that this year..] Im an overly hormonal gal. And by that i mean that i think A LOT about sex. Yep. Also, in case you didnt know, Im a virgin. So its rough on me...IM NOT PRUDE!! I'm just picky i guess. Want the right time, right place, right person. I dont want to do it, just because i realllllly wanna do it. Okay?? =P Wanna know something hilarious?? I think its so ironic when people look at me and say "you look so innocent!" I look young for my age a lot of people say. Then when they get to know me better...the ugly truth comes out. I have a VERY dirty mind. More dirtier then some guys i know. [ooga booga] ;) There's only 3 ways of remeding this. 1. have sex and get it over with 2. dont have sex and just remain dirty minded 3. have sex and never stop. [nympho!! lol, j/k]. Right now im sticking with number 2. yep yep yep. Oh yeah, I DO NOT USE BATTERIES!! =P A few more things i'd like to say. Why cant some people stop being stubborn, and just go up to a friend they havent talked to for some reason, and just talk??? its not that hard! Your pride wont be damaged! Sure it'll be weird starting up conversation after a few weeks of not talking...but for petes sake! It sucks being in the middle and watching this divide between friends that have known each other for such a long ass time!! *WINK WINK* HUGE HINT FOR SOME PEOPLE I KNOW!!!
