::my ramblings:: [[sarah made the bakground]]

12/6/00 Wednesday Good lord! Can you believe that its already like 2wks till x-mas?? at least i think ti is..hee hee. our stupid school is only giving us like one week off for vacation. i think that is very stupid. i think im suppose to be studying for this huuuge test i have to take Jan. 3rd from like 5-9pm. *grin* wish me luck! cause lord knows i wont really study much..even though i realllly should. i was having a very tiring day at school. lately i havent been eating as much, and i dont sleep well. todays i got out of school early, my daddy picked me up. and we went like waaaay downtown to this center called Lulac there this lady helped me out with college stuff. like i had to start filling out a financial aid form, and getting waver fees and stuff like that. It got me on the right path i think. because before going there i was like "ah i'll put it all off, sign up for the sats like the day before the deadline" that kinda thing. but i really want to get the ball rolling in my life. i dont want to end up a 29yr old bum living in my parents house for the rest of my life. afterwards my daddy took me to this yummy chinese food place called Timmy Changs. its a chain of restraunts, all down south mostly, cause they are located in the "ghetto" areas. The one we went to was on Martin Luther King Blvd. Hee Hee ^_^ The food there is sooooo yummy, they give you looots, for a very cheap price too. Makes me wonder if they use cat..*laughs* But still, its worth it!! Yum Yum!! =)

[ rambling menu ]   [ bacon ]

12/7/00 Thursday School sucks. Im tired as heck. =P I've got all these forms to fill out, thank god i dont hate doing that. I find it somewhat enjoyable. Hee HEe. My parents are off in Louisana gambling at some Casino. Hopefully they'll win money like last time. Last time they won like $800 bucks!! I think that's awesome. Of course it all went to like bills and shit. But thats better then nothing =) They also got us some Popeyes chicken, *Laughs* Im in my communication graphics class again. I should be workin on these stupid thumbnails that are due tomorrow, but i dont feel like it. I'll do it tomorrow...yeah..*grins* c-ya laters! mwa! ::got home from school:: heya!! i just got home from school [[duh]] and my parents are still away gambling. hee hee. i dont feel much like being online too much today....only cause i think i have some school stuff thats got to be done. i really wish i had a blank cd!! cause i want to burn some songs from that coldplay album onto it. i think they are neat!! alright i'll shutup about them now. *grin* school was interesting today, i didnt get to read out my poems for the read-around in creative writing class. so i figured maybe i'd find some other better writings and share that. someone read this hilarious paper on the evolution and many uses of the word "fuck" it was great!!! ^_^ our teacher is pretty openminded, and i feel that with more teachers like her, we students will learn more. Uhm, so anyways. yesterday at timmy changs there was also this homeless guy. or at least he appeared [[and smelled][ to be. i gave him all the money i had on me, which was only 80 cents, and i have no idea what he'll do with it. but ya know, if i was poor and i needed money, 80 cents would mean a lot to me. He was asking "could you spare a dime?" just like in the movies! and he asked this lady behind us, and she just stared at him blankly like "i aint gonna give you no money!" and he was like "im sorry mam really i am sorry for bothering you,god bless you anyways" Isnt that sweet? Hmmmm, im hungry. Im gonna go eat some leftovers from timmychangs!! hee hee. ::time has passed:: just got the call awhile ago that my uncle Javier died. He had been sick for a really long time, and then he found out he had diabetes. And that made it worse, all of our families couldnt really afford to send him to a good hospital or doctor..*sigh* When he had gotten really sick my mom went nuts. she cried for days and days and wouldnt really leave the house. she knew that he was going to die, but he didnt for many many months. And now he is dead. I've called both my parents cellphones to tell them about it, but they have them off. So we'll have to wait till they call, or when they get home. Its going to really suck....i have a feeling my mom is going to go crazy. she loves him i think more then all of her brothers, just because she's known him the longest....[[she's the oldest of 10 children, he was the 2nd oldest]] I'm dealing pretty well with the news. Since he lived in mexico, and we live over here i never really got to know him at all. I dont even remember his kids names, my cousins. I think thats sad...*sigh* I just know him through all the stories my mom has told us about her and him growing up. I expect for the funeral to be sometime next week maybe, i dont know if my mom will want us to go or not. Gosh...I know I'm probably going to get very depressed when i see my mom after she finds out the news....I'll try and be strong though, cause she'll need us to be that way. I'd appreciate it if you'd say a little prayer or sent out your positive karma to our family. Thanks.

12/8/00 Friday Went to da mall today after school with my friends and sibs. it was coo. the christmas vibe is coming out of a lot of people, i guess it kind of sucks that i cant be as happy and jolly as they are. i mean, i love seeing the look on my friends faces when i get them stuff, but i have no money. me broke. *sigh* how sads...hee hee. oh well "we are all too used up after awhile. the little quirks and cute comments that we thought would surprise everyone soon become predictable and boring" -jessica hernandez- yeah, school has been a bit different lately. today was strange because of my uncles death. i cried a lil bit during creative writing class. i was feeling somewhat frustrated and sad about a lot of things. i worry too much about things. its not too healthy for me. and then i recieved  "a sign". my horoscope for today said that i worry too much about things, that i shouldnt be trying to sway people into doing what they already know i feel. *ahem* it said that i just have to sit back and let things happen. "if  it was meant to happen, it'll happen" , thats what the last line said. i've got to try and stick by this...so if it seems like im not trying to do something, its not that im not, its just that im waiting to see if it'll react first. hopefully it will, if not...then it never really wanted to in the first place...right? *sighs* My dad should be back from mexico later tonight, my mom i think is staying for a week. earlier today my sister and i decorated the x-mas tree with all the old decorations and stuff, it looks really homey. hee hee. i tried looking for the Coldplay album "parachutes" at the mall and at best buy today, but neither place had it. a friend suggested i go to this other store to get it, hopefully if i go there they'll have it. i mean, yeah i could just burn it on cd and stuff, but sometimes i seriously just want the actual cd. no substitutes will suffice. uhm, i get jealous too easily over little matters that shouldnt matter at all. =\ fuuuuuuuuuuuucked up i swear. blah. im getting tired, i should get my ass to sleep now. ta-ta!

12/9/00 Saturday I'm broke!! I went to the bookstore today with my bro and sis and ended up spending the last 6 bucks that i had. hee hee. so much for getting people gifts for x-mas!!! ^_^ but anyways, its not the gifts or giving that really matters, its knowing that i love them. Also if i have money and see something my friends like, i get it for them. it doesnt have to be x-mas =P Its sad how commercialism has won over, and how sometimes we feel obligated to getting people gifts on this certain day. I say do it throughout the year, its much more nicer to me. *grin* Today my dad got back from Mexico. He told us a bit about how my mom and our family is doing overthere. It seems that everyone is like relieved that my uncle died, because ever since he got really sick he had been having a pretty crappy life. He'd have a bad day everyday. I guess he just didnt like living when he knew that he'd be sick all the time. *shrugs* So he died on thursday, and friday morning was the funeral. ....onto another subject. I finally saw The Big Labowski in its entirety. Before i had always missed a few minutes of it here and there. Its a really funny movie, lots of great acting. John Goodman is coo! Ur, i keep thinking that yesterday was sunday, i dunno why *shrugs* And today feels like its sunday too...Straaange...We've got about a week left of school i think before x-mas vacation. I think they are only giving us a week off. How gay! =P I hope this new yr doesnt suck..i have a feeling it might though. *gags* And i dont meant the whole entire year, i mean just that date, where everyone waits till midnight and screams then goes to bed. Hee Hee. Lemme stop typing now.

12/10/00 Sunday I think this world is full of a bunch of lucky idiots. Seriously i really do. Many of them take for granted what they have, they have to bitch and moan about every little "problem" that they have. I'll admit, that i too am sometimes like that. I shouldnt bitch about a lot of things, yet i do just cause it gives me something to do. I was walking around the mall today, people watching [[one of my most favorite hobbies ever!!!] and i started thinking about how i have some friends that bitch about things a lot, and blame it on society, b/c apparently society doesnt always accept them. bullshit. =P who gives a real fuck what society thinks about you all the time anyways?? if you think youre so different, and you sometimes go out of your way [[unknownly]] to be different, then shut the hell up please! because if you didnt care so much what they thought, then why bitch about them NOT accepting you?!!  Arg. =P

12/11/00 Monday I read that most heartattacks occur on MOndays...I think theres a reason for that. Its like the worst day of the week. If you love Mondays, you must be kinda nuttie. Honestly! Its the day of the week where most people have to go back to work, or school. *gags* both of which lots of people dislike...hence the increase in heartattacks. That is all im writing for now. ::time has passed...as it always does:: i ate some fried rice and stuff, and tried to take a nap, but that didnt work out as planned. downloaded a lot of songs by the group Blue October, they is good. I think they are from houston actually...i havent been able to find the CD by Coldplay anywhere, i think someone might get it for me, hee hee. Cause they give me a pretty big hint that they might. So i think thats nice. Yep Yep.Isnt it great when people fix up your hair all nice and pretty? *grin* *sigh* im still being a procrastinator...its not going to get me anywhere with college and stuff...nowhere at all. *HUGE SIGH* at least some people i know are having a good time at other things. my friend got to go to a green day concert today for free, thats pretty awesome. another friend of mine is basically done with all their x-mas shopping...Hmm i should go do something to keep me busy. maybe read a book? yeah..that'll be good.

12/12/00 Tuesday A good friend of mine opened up my eyes today. I let a lot of people walk over me. When things really bother me, i usually let people know, but not just how far it really does bother me. because usually i figure, why bother with it so much? i dont like having people mad at me, or hating me...its just one of those things that makes me sad. people that i dont know can hate me and be mad at me, and i wont really give a shit. but when its people that i really care about and love, it hurts. so whenever i feel that i've been wronged, i get upset and saddened, and in the end usually forgive them. they say they are sorry for it, and wont do it ever again..but in other ways they end up doing the same thing, or doing other things that are just as bad. they are completely walking all over me, and i shouldnt put up with it should i? nope. so next time beware everyone, because im going to scream.

12/14/00 Thursday One word for my dad. ASshole. My mom called last night from mexico. seems she doesnt really know when she's coming home, cause she really likes it over there with her family. i dont blame her, i'd want to get away from this house as well. my dad is driving us nuts. he is being VERY anal about everything!!! "you didnt close the screen door....how come all the lightbulbs in the restroom are on?! i told you i dont want all 6 on!! i want just 1 or 2 on!!! wash all the clothes in the house! wash the dishes! why are you up so late?? doing homework this late at night?? go to bed!!" Why in the fuct am i usually up so late? cause when i actually do decide to do my homework, i cant, because im doing every stupid thing you want me to do. i've been through this crap long enough damnit!! graduation isnt only going to be graduating from school, it'll be from graduating from taking so much crap from him!! i know i shouldnt be disrespectful, and follow the commandment of "honor thy father and thy mother". but hey! if you want respect, you've gotta earn it right?? very simple. using the excuse of "im the parent so i can treat you like a slave" isnt going to be working anymore. nuh uh. i got into a little argument with my dad a sec ago. it was in regards to the restroom lightbulbs. he yelled at me for not checking to see if they were all on or not. HELLO!! IM NOT GOING TO DO A FUCKING HOURLY INSPECTION OF EVERY FREAKIN LITTLE THING IN THIS HOUSE THAT TICKS YOU OFFF!!!!  grrr...im feeling too upset right now to type some more.

12/15/00 Friday Yay!!! FRiday!!! Like i think the best day of the week. I get to stay up pretty late [[i usually stay up late anyways]] and i have a whole weekend to look forward too. But now, i get 2 whole weeks to look forward too!! Yep, thats right ladies and gents. I am off for the holidays!! No stupid final exams for me this time, i dont have to take them. =) Woohoo!! Most other people do though, so my pity goes out to you unlucky few. =( ....Okay, now back onto me being happy!! =D Hee Hee. Dont want to seem cruel and coldhearted, but come on!! 2 weeks of uh...stuff. Aggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!! My stupid AIM just got all retarded on me!!!!! It like deleted my entire friends list!!! And it wont even let me chat!! Whats up with that?? Well, im going to restart the computer, cause my bro said to. So check back later for more ramblings. alright, im back now, just like 3 minutes passed by. guess AIM just messed up for awhile, i thought that maybe it'd mess up forever! today today today...i woke up a bit late. i slept last night in the livingroom because i felt like it. i actually remembered my dream, but i dont feel much like typing it out. it involved christmas decorations being put up in a neighborhood and driving down some street. okay, uhm...back to my day. woke up, got ready for school, ran out the door, catched the bus right on time..got to school. went to the cafeteria to hang with some buddies, went to all my classes. got some pretty nifty christmas cards, candy, and this really pretty box that my friend sarah made for me. then i went home, watched some tv., washed some laundry, ate a bit, and i dont remember what else.. just got online i suppose. right now im writing a joint poem with a friend online named Andy. He is very nice and funny!! Hee Hee. I guess thats all i've got to ramble on for today. i'll write more later on if i feel like it.