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Karen and Don Staker, between them 67 years as Gilbert H.S. teachers, retired with the close of the 1998-99 school year. To commemorate their passing, teacher Marcy Good wrote 'A Staker Farewell.'
A Staker Farewell
written by Mrs. Good
--- (Enter the funeral dirge, carrying lilies; crying) I can't believe this! How can we go on? Things will never be the same without them. They're passing on... Going to a better place... (All sniff) Wait a minute. This isn't a funeral. It should be a celebration. Right, we should be happy for them. We need to change our attitude. (Turn backs, adjust attitude, turn around smiling) In nineteen hundred and sixty-four, Remember the dinosaurs and days of yore? A dark-haired teacher came on the scene-- A lean, mean English-teaching machine. (Picture) Karen Buffington Staker was her name; From that day on, GHS would never be the same. What was she like when her skills were raw? Don't look at us! Talk to Grandma and Grandpa! Three years later, here came the sequel. Would his teaching skills be her equal? If we show a picture, please don't stare,
We know it's alarming, but once Mr. Staker had hair! (his picture)
By putting up with us, from August to May. They filled students' heads with English and science, As their reputations grew as disciplinarian giants. They both have "the look" that can reduce you to tears. (German accent) Their unit tests are one of my deep-seated fears. But both of them like to see things done right. Enthusiasm for their field is way outa sight! If school is for learning, they're in the right spot. They give of their knowledge--all that they've got. At the end of the class, if you're not much smarter, You haven't been trying; "you should have worked harder!" Sixty-seven combined years of sheer education-- No wonder it's time for an extended vacation! Let's take a look at their peccadilloes! (gasp) We can't do that!
Does any of this sound familiar to you? "This is a really good story. You're going to love it!" Right! She was the only girl from her high school class to go to college.
She likes to make fun of Mr. Staker for being old, bald, and watching National Geographic. She's a real Robert Redford fan. Her tests look like this (show huge stack of paper). She loves her grandchildren. [unfurl long folding wallet album] Now, it's time to torch, uh, I mean toast Mr. Staker-- (long silence) Where shall we begin? Wait a minute! We're not in alphabetical order. (reorder [readers]) Got your red pens? (take them out) His red laser pointer. He sits in his rolling chair with a remote control for every piece of electronic technology known to man. When he does walk, his shoes squeak. His room is meticulous, but it smells like mice. He gives huge assignments-- Worth about 5 points. (someone in bald head) "Don't ever touch the microscopes. Don't point at them. Don't even look at them. They're worth more than your life will ever be!" So, this won't be on the test then? "Of course it will!" "See this picture I took of the black spleen in the black inside of a dark frog taken on a moonless night? Isn't it awesome??" "Now put these desks back in perfect rows with the chairs lined up just so. Here's a crossword puzzle with answers you'll never be able to find. It's due yesterday. (groans) Don't complain--you'll have to do a lot more of this in college!" Stop! I just figured this out. 7th graders and 9th graders will no longer live in fear of "The Stakers." How unfair! They won't know what they're missing. Life as we know it will never be the same. (sigh) This will make us a part of the good old days, won't it? Yeah--in addition to walking to and from school every day in the snow uphill both ways we can say-- We survived the Stakers. You kids today have it too easy. The end of an era, how can we go on? What will it be like when they are gone? The stories, the memories, they'll never end. The Stakers have become a Gilbert legend. Our little roast has come from the heart, But we all will miss them--from Abarr to Zahrt. We'd like to thank them for all that they've done. They really have class--ha! that was a pun! Our choral performance has fulfilled its cause-- Let's all salute them with heartfelt applause!
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