April 2001


April 3, 2001
Life is a very fine thing. That's a good way to start a new month.
There is an unparalleled elegance to the truth. I'm high when I really think I've found some of it. It's a foundation, so it's hard like rock. But it's discerning and quick, so it's like delicate lace.
C.S Lewis said that G.K. Chesterton wielded words as a good swordsman handles his weapon. Light catches on his blade not because he is showing off, but because he is moving quickly while fighting for his life. I think that's a lot like truth. Some people have it (or a cheap substitute) and show it off - to themselves or others. Satisfaction of that kind is the cheapest commodity. It's an ornament and a trinket. Truth isn't flashy on it's own. When handled properly (2 Timothy 2:15), honor and beauty flow as a natural consequence. Not honor and beauty pointing towards the person fortunate enough to be speaking (who amounts to a conduit). Rather, beauty and prestige are ascribed to the source of truth.

April 7, 2001
I no longer feel the same optimism I once did about Christian apologetics.
I have come to accept that, like it or not, I am a product of this (postmodern) culture we all live in. Read Romans 1 or 8 sometime.
I used to believe that pure logic and reason could really lead us to the truth. We could convince an "honest" person of the reality of Christianity with compelling arguments. I ignored the fact that this opinion basically contradicts scripture.
God reveals Himself to us. He is the author of our faith. We will never on our own find Him through philosophy.
We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I think it's possible that once we begin the process of sanctification, the amount of truth we have access to slowly increases.
So once I was lost, and my mind was dark. Now a little light has been let in. But it seems like that light is really only good for other Christians and me.
I am ashamed to admit that occasionally I want to shade the truth about God when I'm talking to lost people. The way I think about God and my relation to Him has changed so radically. I am surprised when other people seem incapable of shifting perspectives slightly to see things from a Biblical point of view.
A good friend of mine was reading some Bertrand Russel. Russel claimed that Jesus wasn't good because he talked about Hell. Never mind the possibility that Hell might actually exist, and that Christ was doing us a tremendous favor by telling us about it. For whatever reason talking about Hell is bad.
Postmodernism induces people to believe that making truth-claims about other people is bad (People go to Hell, so talking about Hell is making a truth-claim about the destiny of people, I guess). After all, we don't really "know" what the "truth" is. That Christ might have been telling us the "truth" is discounted without thought. He was bad.
I don't even know what I'm talking about here. I'm just rambling. I think the point is, the cards seem to be falling in the Enemy's favor, sometimes. We've got a society that wants to make moral pronouncments without acknowledging morality. A society that is completely convinced that you can't be completely convinced about anything.
That I have been influenced by this (to my benefit?) is evidenced by the fact that even I have difficulty finding even the best apologies persuasive. People ask me why I believe. Honestly, I just do. It isn't because I read some volume on theology and was convinced by it. The details of my faith, yes, but my faith at large is inexplicable.

Maybe the church (me personally?) is being taught something here.. Evangelism isn't about anything we do, because we really can't do anything here besides preach the Gospel. It's all up to God.

April 22, 2001
Father, help my heart go the same speed as my head, and point them both toward You.
Grant me discpline, and grant me gentleness.
Be the rock, my foundation, so I don't have to.

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Contact me: adam.stephens@ttu.edu 1