July 1999
July 1, 1999
A new month in the year of 1999.
I had a dream last night and it's set me to thinking. We ( or at least I ) do things in dreams we would never do in real life. It seems like our inhibitions are just shut down in a way, and we do what we like. Talk to people we wouldn't ordinarilly talk to, etc.
Anyway, I was dreaming last night and doing something wrong in my dream. And I remember thinking that it was wrong, but then doing it anyway. So it makes me wonder how I would react to a situation in real life that was like the situation in my dream.
I wonder whether I would do the right thing.
Dancing above the lilly pads, you're the firefly in the sky,
Alight on my shoulder, pixie, and whisper what you seek.
I have no idea where that came from.
July 5, 1999
Well, the one year birthday of UHAB was last night. It was celebrated with all the pomp and circumstance normally associated with the birth of the United States, except we waved the UHAB banner. Oops, have to go work, bbl.
July 8, 1999
Well, it looks like I made it back from work on the fifth. Oh well. I don't think I had much to say of any substance anyway. Not that I ever have anything of substance to say.
I have decided to learn New Testament Greek. I think.
When I made that decision earlier, I didn't realize quite what an undertaking it would be. I planned on learning the grammatical rules, then slowly building my vocabulary by reading the NT. I don't think it's quite going to work that way. As it turns out, when people say, "It's all Greek to me.." they're doing more then throwing around a tired cliche. They're stating a deep truth. Greek is tough.
I'm a complete fool sometimes. Or I say that. I know there really is no way for me to completely control my feelings. All I can do is pray that God will bring them into check and give me the strength to resist the destructive ones in the meantime.
July 10, 1999
Well, sports fans, though it's a little early to tell, it looks like for once in my life I'm going to carry through with a hobby I decided to take up. Besides Tae kwon do.
This time it's Koine Greek. :)
I haven't just decided to do this as an intellectual challenge. Although I'll admit that it's more then just a little daunting. I'm doing it because the New Testament was/is written in Koine Greek, and the longer I look at it, the more drawn I feel to read it in it's original tounge.
Anyway, you'll probably get regular updates about how i'm progressing, which I promise will be slow.
I'm using an old (antique) Greek textbook I found at a Christian used book store called "Teach Yourself New Testament Greek." The introduction says that the text should take 28 weeks ( do the math, that's 7 whole months ) if I work on it 8 hours per week. Wow. All I can say is that It's gonna take longer then seven months if I'm supposed to work that much per week. When school starts, it will be impossible for me to allocate that much time.
Anyway, I'm learning about nouns and adjectives and pronunciation(sp) right now. I just finished memorizing ( sortof ) the suffixes that you stick on them for number, gender, and case.
Anyway, I'll stop boring everyone.
July 15, 1999
Just got back from boy's camp. Forgive me my broken sentences and poor spelling, stuff is just spilling out of my fingers.
I learned something about those boy's. It was something I once knew but that I forgot somewhere along the way. They think. A lot. God's Holy Spirit convicts them. He loves them not as people incapable of receiving Him, but as people with that capacity in a strength equal or better to mine.
"i wish that i could say i am a perfect man
i wish sometimes that i would not be who i am
one day i decided i would think on this,
not knowing if faith and pain could co-exist:
could i ever on my own conceive
of someone i did not know, but i need?
i must be made to be at peace and communion
'cause somehow i am full aware that i've fallen
i find through every ounce of pain i feel
that my mind cannot deny that God is real
the inconsistency of what i say i should be
compared to what i am in actuallity
leaves me in conclusion that i know the way
though i am unable to always obey
nothing in this world has satisfied
my soul's hunger for a deeper life
the weight of my misdeeds were crushing, blinding me
i still live with pain inside but now i see
the peices of my life are scattered on the floor
i stared at them till i could take no more
i do not deserve to be set free
forgiveness is what i despereately need
if it wasn't for the perfect blood was shed
would i not be dead inside but i live instead
i know my faith's still here
believe through all my tears
--Grammatrain, Pain.
I think that truth is an image in a way that we're all trying to focus on.. The more one grows in Christ, the sharper his focus becomes on that image. Though that image will never be perfectly in focus to us while we are alive, it is exhilirating and all together right to persue it. If you removed all the Spiritual meaning ( as though that were possible ) and left me with just that part, the persuit of something genuine, I would still be a Christian. My soul, and I believe the soul of everyone longs for that. It would be dissapointing to me if I thought truth were to be found in a book of philosophy or science, or within myself. How small truth would be if that were so! I am excited to be seeking a super-natural unworldly truth that in reality is not just an image, but a Being.
July 16, 1999
I have a couple of things to write about today.
First, apologetics. Apologetics in it's various forms and functions. The thing is this. It is necessary that we have an answer to challenges, a ready defense of our faith. It is true that some people are convinced to make decisions for Christ through argument, but that I think is uncommon. If you're arguing with someone, you can basically banish from your mind any hope of "saving" them because one on one arguments are not often a good means of witnessing.
"And when he (Apollos) wanted to go across to Achaia, the brethren encouraged him and wrote to the disciples to welcome him; and when he had arrived, he greatly helped those who had believed through grace, for he powerfully refuted the Jews in public, demonstrating by the Scriptures that Jesus was the Christ"
--Acts 18:27,28 NASB
He greatly helped those who had believed through grace. It would seem that the author of Acts ( Luke ) believed the debating to be an aid to those who were already following The Way, rather then a method of evangelizing. I'm sure some did make decisions based on what Apollos was saying, but I doubt the Jews Apollos was debating were part of that number. Debate is inherently about conflict. And because we are people, if there is conflict, there is often anger, particularly on the part of the loser.
Anyway, onto the next topic. I'm going to step lightly here because it was inspired by something an aquaintance said, and I certainly would not want to make that person upset at my remarking on it here if he/she ever read this.
The long and short of it was, "I know I made these bad decisions in the past, but they were character building, so I wouldn't change any of it." Not even to change those bad decisions to positive ones? If by changing your past you alter your present state, then it would seem to me that by changing the bad things in your past, you would alter it for the better, not lose character. Learning from mistakes is a great thing, but consciously making good choices to avoid those mistakes from the outset is by my way of thinking an even greater thing. The character gain is of a different and purer sort. I think that every time you make a decision of any kind, you are forming a precedent for yourself to follow in the future. Wouldn't it be better to form a positive habit then form a bad one then have to claw your way out tooth and nail, and afterwards claim you had gained character because of the fight? I'd rather not fight unecessary fights to start with. Make good choices. Anyway, if you ever read this ( the person whose saying I commented on ) please don't take offense. This is really just something I have thought a lot about for a while, and you brought it to a head and bridged the gap between consciousness and words.
Btw, Greek is continuing. I actually translated almost 10 sentences today from Greek to English with great success.. The 5 I did from English to Greek are another story altogther. : )
July 19, 1999
I've been slacking off on my Greek.
Okay, I'll write more then that.
Or maybe not.
July 26, 1999
yeah, it's been days since I last wrote. Get over it. :)
I do have something that is of interest to at least me tonight. Of course, now that I think about it, this whole site is made up of things that are of interest to me and me only. So I guess this is no deviation from the norm.
Anyway, it's about movies. The problem is this: there are some rated R movies that are very good that I like to see, then there are some that are not so good that I shouldn't see or dont' want to see. So this afternoon I began working out a system sortof to describe these movies.
There are three things to consider. Content, Perspective, and context.
Content
I start with this because it is the broadest in a way. There are certain movies I will not see because of their content. I will not see R rated comedies..they have no redeeming value that I can see, and they all seem to derive their humor from vulgarity in some form. The same goes with romantic movies. They're all about nudity and sexual immorality ( a la Titanic ).
Perspective.
This is more about me then the movie. Why do I want to see it? If my heart's not in the right place about a movie, then it's out. If I know from the outset that it's filled with nudity, and that seems to be my only draw to it, then I won't watch it.
Context.
There are those movies with bad content that is presented in a necessary or tasteful manner. Platoon, for example. Yes, there was language. Yes, there was violence. But I remember what I learned from that movie a great deal more then the violence and language. It was all in the proper context.
There you, that's the rough outline.
July 29, 1999
Where did this month go? It's nearly over. There aren't many days left until the summer itself will be over.
"Once divided, nothing left to subtract.
Some words when spoken can't be taken back.
Walks on his own with thoughts he can't help thinking.
Future's above, but in the past he's slow and sinkin'.
Caught a bolt of lightning, cursed the day he let it go..
Nothingman, Nothingman. Isn't it something, Nothingman?
She once believed in every story he had to tell.
One day she stiffened, took the other side.
Empty stares from each corner of a shared prison cell.
One just escapes; One's left inside the well.
And He Who Forgets will be destined to remember."
--Nothingman, Pearl Jam
I used to really like that song. I still do, sometimes. I can apply it to many different situations.
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Contact me: adam.stephens@ttu.edu