October 2000
October 22, 2000
I haven't been writing because I am more particular about what I put on my page than I ever have been. I had these thoughts last night, and at the time, they seemed important.
Apologetics has its definite limits. The intellectual argument breaks down when it encounters an open wound. To the person who asks, "Where is Jesus when it hurts?", a sophistry may be offered, but it will impart no comfort.
"Jesus loves you!"
"Can Jesus give me a hug?"
Silence.
"You see, Jesus can't give you a hug because.."
What good is Jesus to the suffering, faithless person? As Christians, we are to rest in him, to set our eyes on the goal, to know that our present sufferings will be revealed as insignificant. This advice is hard enough to swallow for Christians, But to the non-Christian, what answer do we provide?
"Here, here is a hug. Here is my number. Call me when you are hurting."
I own a t-shirt that has the question, "Who will be Jesus?" emblazoned across the back. I never understood what the question really meant until I began to consider this. You and I will be Jesus to those whose concept of Christ is the pale figure on a crucifix that their mothers have hanging on the wall.
The little statue is lifeless and wooden, a leftover image from childhood symbolizing a series of don'ts. That "religious stuff" can never comfort. It is far too removed from reality, and the present problems are far too sharp and distinct.
Love can be felt. Do more than tell someone that Jesus loves him. Love him as best you can, and then he'll know you're telling the truth.
October 24, 2000
The second batch of tests for this semester is now over. The time this evening is mine to spend as I will. I have chosen to write the random things that come to me.
I want to write about dying.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."
--Matthew 16:24,25 NIV
Take up your cross. Crucify the sin nature, and leave it behind. The Christianity that Christ taught was not a feel-good religion. Our tolerant, pluralistic society objects to the real Christ because he taught self-denial. The motive most people have when they think of Christ merely as the founder of Christianity, a good teacher, or a brilliant moralist is this: To water down the real message Jesus brought. Jesus was tolerant in the sense that he was loving, but he never told people to just do their own thing. Rather, he told us to fall in line or fall by the wayside.
Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.
--Romans 6:8-10 NIV
Die to yourself. The cross was an instrument of torturous death. Christ came to die, and in so doing, to set the pattern for us to follow. In Matthew 16:22, Peter rejected Christ's morbid plans, but Jesus rebuked him sternly, "Get behind me, Satan... You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Quit thinking in your fleshy categories and get with the program.
October 27, 2000
My question is, how much introspection is too much?
I have found self-evaluation to be a truly valuable tool in the war against self(ishness). The questions I usually ask myself sound like, "Are my feelings on this issue genuine/reflective of what's right?" or "What is *really* my motivation for doing this?"
The problem is, I am given to analyzing too much too deeply. I can stress myself in no time flat by worrying about worrying, or worrying about not worrying. Any scrutiny of even the most mundane of tasks will do.
I saw last summer as I sat at my desk at work that most of the time I spend unhappy I spend deep in one of these descending spirals of self-criticism. I am too busy wondering at any happiness that does surface to really bother about feeling it.
But, though it's been some months since then, and though, on the whole, I've been happier since my discovery, I am still left with my question. When and how should I look at myself?
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Contact me: adam.stephens@ttu.edu